Enneagram Explorer Don Richard Riso Passed Away

The Enneagram community has lost one of its greatest. Don Richard Riso, Enneagram pioneer, author, and teacher, passed away on August 30, 2012.

The very first book I ever read on the Enneagram was Don's original paperback - as I recall, it was the only book out at the time. I blushed down to my toes the first time I read his description of Type Seven - and was never the same since.

I made a pact with myself to learn as much as I could about this amazing personality map with a focus on breaking free of the constraints of habit. While the work has turned out to be a lifetime of noticing, I am forever grateful for the Enneagram in my life.

Although I did not undergo my professional training with Don (I certified with Helen Palmer and David Daniels in 1993), I was privileged to attend many of his offerings at the International Enneagram Association meetings over the years, and to enjoy informal gatherings and discussions as well.

He co-founded the Enneagram Institute with Russ Hudson, which continues to be a mainstay in Enneagram research, training, and development.

Don has returned to Essence, and the greater Enneagram community grieves the loss of his presence. We are grateful for the gifts he shared and has left behind. Aloha, Don. We'll miss you.

Top 7 Reasons People Don’t Use The Enneagram

My friend Steve (he and his lovely life partner provided the photo for this post) asked me “Why doesn’t everyone use the Enneagram? It’s so useful.”

So I’ve been musing on that question for awhile. And here are the top 7 reasons that I’ve found over my years of teaching and consulting. I don’t doubt that there are quite a few more.

Reason Number One
They never heard of it.  This is not as prevalent a reason as it once was. Years ago (years and years), when I’d board a plane my seatmate would inevitably ask “What do you do?” When I’d say I was an Enneagram teacher, they’d look confused. “Any - uh-what?” I distilled my work to a one sentence explanation:  that I taught a personality map that helps us understand ourselves and others.

Things changed about 15 years ago and suddenly people would answer “Oh I’ve heard of that.” These days, half the time my seatmate will tell me his/her type and what they’ve learned. Many of them have learned it in the workplace and that is gratifying.

Reason Number Two
The diagram looks weird to them or they think it has to do with the occult. Once they realize that the diagram is not a pentagram, that Enneagram is just Greek for “picture of nine”, this one falls away pretty quickly. Luckily.

Reason Number Three
Some one bludgeoned them with the Enneagram or “told them” their type. Another dear friend of mine was frightened away from the Enneagram when his ex wife continually used it to tell him what was “wrong” with him. Sadly, those kinds of scars run deep. I wish I could say that this was an isolated incident but I’ve heard this tale of woe all too often. Some people just don’t get the point of the Enneagram. (That would be compassion - hello!)

“Telling” someone their type or pushing the Enneagram on them can cause them to run, not walk, away from anything or anyone associated with it. I have to agree that excess enthusiasm can be a total turnoff. Also, believe me when I tell you that even if you believe that you know someone very well, you may not really know their type. The journey of self discovery is important to the work - why would we want to deprive anyone of that?  Want to share the Enneagram with friends and family? Offer them a book, tell them your type and that it may help them understand you better. Believe me, they will be interested in finding their own type - on their own.

Reason Number Four
Some one trivialized it and made it a parlor game. That can happen with anything. Counter it by offering resources and information. Self disclosure on how it helped you might also be valid.

Reason Number Five
The Enneagram is complicated. That is actually true. It’s not a quick hit, but a deep, rich system of understanding and growth. As such, it may not be for everybody. It takes attention and real Work. Ah but the rewards are so worth it. To me. And you. But maybe not everyone.

Reason Number Six
“I’m not sure I want to know that much about myself.” Over the years, I’ve met people who quite clearly were anxious about what might be unearthed should they begin to delve more deeply into their drives and motivations. You and I might think it the most worthy of excavations, but I respect the honesty of those who weren’t ready to go there. Yet.

Reason Number Seven
There are many paths to the top of the mountain. And many maps to personal and spiritual growth. The Enneagram is only one. This may be the most important reason of all. The Enneagram is not necessarily for everyone. Offering the Enneagram without attachment as to whether or not it is received may be some of the best work we do as Enneagram enthusiasts. Just sayin’...

What reasons have you encountered for people not knowing or wishing to know the Enneagram?

Dancing with the Enneagram Part 2

As a hula dancer, it has been my privilege to learn from a number of amazing Kumu Hula or hula masters. As I mentioned in Part I, I recounted how knowing the Enneagram literally saved me when learning hula from different instructors. When I had an understanding of my teacher’s worldview or inner cosmology, I was less vulnerable to misunderstanding or hurt feelings. In my last post, I shared about a Six and an Eight. Here in Part 2, you’ll meet a Five, a Three, and a Nine.

When my first hula teacher passed away unexpectedly, our group was “inherited” by a Five kumu hula - I’ll call her R. Knowing her to be a gifted but demanding teacher, we were quite literally quaking in our pa`u (hula skirts).

She didn’t disappoint us. Right out of the box, she pushed and prodded us to moves more difficult than we thought we could ever perform. R never raised her voice, but to be the recipient of “the look” of icy disapproval spurred us all to become better dancers. The party was over. And we would do anything to avoid that look. (A hula halau is really a small family. I’ve heard a number of Fives on panels remark that they can be quite bossy and controlling in the comfort of their own families.)

As we became more proficient, more shy smiles and laughter were bestowed upon us. Rarely, we got a “that was beautiful.” Our group began winning the annual competition for our age group. We were not just enjoying hula, we were becoming better dancers.

My most illustrative Five story of her is this one. We were attending Merrie Monarch, the annual hula olympics held in Hilo, Hawaii. The young girls were entered in the competition. At the conclusion of the 4 day festival, all the Kumu Hula were invited up on stage to be introduced and feted.

R runs our hula halau with her Kumu Hula sister, M, who is a Three. M does fundraising and is the front person for the group while R choreographs and trains us. When the announcer called for them to come up on stage together, up comes M... and A! A is another Kumu Hula from Molokai, who pitches in during Merrie Monarch. R would not come out nor be seen.

We dubbed her “The Invisible Kumu”, even though virtually none of my hula sisters know the Enneagram. Every year that our group participates in this festival, A comes up on stage as R. Most of the other Kumu Hula know, as do we, who R really is. No one lets the kitten out of the bag. We all respect her need for privacy and space. I’ve grown to love her dearly, although she is still reserved with all of us.

H, one of my hula teachers, is a Three. At 83 years of age, she can outbend, outsway, and outlast any of her younger students. She yells at us to “Ai ha`a. Bend lower. You look like a bunch of sticks out there dancing.”

How we look is all important to H, as it is a direct reflection on her. I have to say that she is far and away the best hula fashionista. (K, our beloved Six, used to say “Ladies, ladies. Wear anything. It’s not about what you’re wearing. It’s about the dance.) The Three would never say that.

Now hula clothes by definition are not your normal apparel. Bright colors with huge flower prints are a mainstay. Color combos range from unusual to downright startling. Often, the halau gets to help choose fabric for outfits. (Although democracy in this case can be a bad idea.)

H simply told us what we would wear after carefully choosing colors that looked good on all of us. I have to say it, we looked great. And our hour long practices often stretched into two or three hours if we were to perform. She never expects more from us than she’ll give herself. Even now.

Finally, I’ve been blessed to learn most recently from a lovely Nine. G is kind and gentle in the extreme, yet corrects us by demonstrating how the dance should appear. We learn from her by emulating. She dances with us. She may be the most graceful hula dancer I’ve seen. And I’ve seen a lot.

As for conflicts? Regarding just about anything: scheduling, clothes, you name it? “Oh,” she laughs. “I’m not good with that. Talk to S.” [our bossy hula sister who does all the scut work. Loudly.] “She’ll take care of it.”

She seems to have no favorites, loving and embracing each of us equally. She gives feedback via her iPad, videoing us and letting us watch ourselves to see what works and what doesn’t. (She’s a high tech Kumu, but it allows her to help us without criticizing.)

And speaking of favorites, which is my favorite Kumu? All of them! The Enneagram illuminates the gifts of each and helps me understand each Kumu’s point of view. Somehow, knowing the Enneagram makes me appreciate them more deeply. And I don’t take it personally when they teach me coming from their own perspectives rather than mine or one I might expect. I’d love to learn from all Nine types if I could. For now, I’ll just revel in being part of a greater dance.

Dancing with the Enneagram Part I

The Enneagram is such a powerful map that it can help us in nearly every aspect of our daily lives. It helps us to understand ourselves (and grow ourselves.) And it helps us understand others’ internal landscapes enough to open a space for mutual connection and compassion. In other words, we don’t take everything another says or does personally when it is simply a reflection of a different, equally valid worldview.

I’ve been dancing hula for 12 years. In that space of time, I’ve had a total of five kumu hula or hula masters teach me. The Enneagram was invaluable in honoring each of them. And it saved me from confusion, hurt, and misunderstandings that inevitably develop when we believe everyone see the world in the same way.

My first hula teacher we’ll call him “N”, was a sweet, warm Six. He coaxed and coddled us. He never yelled. He reassured us that we would not die if we performed in public by foreseeing the worst that could happen, naming it, and letting us know we’d still survive. He was the perfect teacher for a tentative beginner.

However N would not appear on video because he believed that people might get hold of it and misuse it. He was never clear quite how or why. Knowing he was a Six made it easy for me to understand how scary this might be and to just let it go, even though so many other Kumu Hula were allowing students to use new technology to reinforce learning with the understanding that they were not to share it.

Some of my hula sisters had no map for understanding and were irritable, challenging him on his rule. Which only reinforced that nothing good could come of this. Already it was causing problems.

My favorite Six story about N is this: we were invited to the opening of a sacred site that had been restored as a hula platform high on a hill overlooking our whole island. Another hula master’s halau (school) had initiated the restoration and invited a few halaus and many elders to this ceremony.

Each hula master was to chant or oli a prayer. When it came N’s turn, he blanched and said, “I can’t. I can’t chant in front of him, he’s a hula master.”

“You can do it,” I whispered. “Remember, you’re a hula master, too.” He looked startled, then walked up and delivered his chant. I think he actually “forgot” that he was an equal to the other Kumu Hula there.

I’d heard about Kumu F long before I met him. “It’s all about him,” claimed a friend. “He’s got to be the center of attention.”

The more I heard, the more I fashioned him in my mind as a Three. I was prepared.

The first evening of a week long intensive, he gathered us together. “You need to know a couple of things about me,” he said. “#1, It’s my way or the highway. #2 I tend to be blunt and to the point. Deal with it. #3 There’s no crying in hula.”

I still dance with this wonderful, strong Eight Kumu once a year. Some say he is arrogant. Perhaps, but I’d say he’s accomplished. As a historian, singer-songwriter, educator and cultural resource, even elders defer to him. (Elders in Hawai`i are the top of the food chain, just the opposite of our mainland American culture.)

Dealing with him, I didn’t take it personally when he corrected us strongly. In comparison to N, it might have seemed harsh. But he was merely being blunt and clear. Most important, I would meet his energy. There’s no crying in hula, after all.

As I knew him longer, I began to see the move to Two as a large part of him. As an Eight, he hated anyone to call attention to his loving care and attention. So I learned acceptance of his gifts without too much thank you or gushing.

My favorite Eight to Two story? He had written a poignant good-bye song for a dear friend’s death. We were to learn and perform it for the first time that week. As we practiced over and over, the energy in the room became sad and heavy. We were lost in grief as we danced.

“Okay,” he snapped. “That’s it. Go change clothes. We need a mood change - time for chocolate, coffee, and shopping. Get moving, we leave in 10 minutes.”

After our antioxidant and retail therapy, we were able to continue dancing and expressing the emotion of the song without being overwhelmed by it. Gut knowing and caretaking. Eight meets Two.

There is a Hawaii`ian proverb about hula: A`ohe pau ka `ike i ka halau ho`okahi which translates as “not all knowledge is taught in one school.” And as we Enneagram enthusiasts know: not all reality is contained in one type or worldview. When we open to other ways of perceiving and being in the world, we are expanding our experience, of ourselves and one another.

Stay tuned for Part 2 where I am lucky enough to learn hula from a Five, a Three, and a Nine.

Enneagram iPhone App: Know Your Type

Want to find the nearest sushi restaurant? There’s an app for that. Want to take credit cards using your iPhone? There’s an app for that. Want to have a quick but comprehensive reference to the Enneagram? There’s an app for that too!

"Know Your Type" is a wonderfully designed iPhone application that acts as game, learning tool, and handy reference. For 2.99, you can discover your type, learn self-development strategies, manage inter-type conflict, and so much more.



The interface is clean and easy to navigate. There are even videos of each of the nine types explaining personality from the inside.

Developed by Ginger Lapid-Bogda, PhD (The Enneagram in Business), this feature rich powerhouse of an app is a must have for any Enneagram enthusiast. And if you don’t have an iPhone? It works just as well with the iPad or iPod touch. Check it out in the App Store.

Enneagram Errors Part Deux

In the last blog entry we examined some Enneagrammatical errors that commonly affect or afflict us. Here are a few more errors that are natural and easy to fall into. With naming, a little vigilance, and some focused attention, they won’t catch us unaware.

Enneagram Evangelism. Being Too Enthused About the Enneagram

If I had a nickel for every time someone told me how they were turned off completely to the Enneagram by some well meaning friend/spouse/coworker bombarding them with enneagram enthusiasm, well, I’d have a roomful of nickels. And I hate rolling those things in wrappers so I’d just have to live with them. (Yes, I live rurally and my bank’s coin sorter is rarely working.)

Seriously though, this is a real Enneagrammatical error. The horror on someone’s face when I tell them that I teach and consult with the Enneagram of personality is not feigned. Generally, I listen to their tale of Ennea trauma, offer some empathy (because they’re right, it sucks to have anything pushed on you), and hopefully get them to separate the map from the messenger.

We Enneagram enthusiasts need to be gentle in our excitement. The one best way I’ve found to open someone else to the Enneagram is this: give them an introductory book, mine, David Daniels’, Helen Palmer’s, or Baron and Wagele’s. Tell them your type: “I’m a Seven (or Eight or One or whatever your type is.) This book might help you understand me better. It’s helped me understand myself more.”

We need to restrain ourselves from commenting on their type, even if they ask. They will read the book and begin the discovery process on their own. Let them get back to you. After all, one of the best parts of the Enneagram is having a common language in which to examine our differences and similarities on our path to understanding.

Being a Not Type

One of my friends who is a successful Enneagram teacher and consultant worked so very hard interrupting her passion, her Enneagram drive, that she became what she now refers to as a Not Four. Which is not the same as an evolved or self-actualizing Four.

Sure, the Enneagram gives us a choice to run our habit or passion rather than having it run us. But we need to remember that the passion IS energy. We want to avail ouselves of that energy for growth and transformation, to become our best selves.

My friend was working so hard going against her type, that she underused her type, her gifts. She realized that it’s not doing the opposite of what type first presents, but doing whatever we do with consciousness. Sometimes, Fourness is exactly what is needed. We can’t jettison our gifts; we merely need to be awake and choose right action. With practice and awareness, we can choose the gifts of all nine types, ultimately.


Stereotyping

Sevens are not committed. Eights don’t get their feelings hurt. Ones hold grudges. Not true. These are potential manifestations of the worldviews informing Sevens, Eights, and Ones. But don’t believe everything you read.

Yes, Sevens are visionary optimists, and most enjoy beginnings more than grunt work middles. Still, I’ve known myriad Sevens who are very committed to relationships, causes, and projects. They get things done, they complete, they are monogamous.

Eights may project invulnerability coming from a worldview where “only the strong survive”. But let me tell you that I know many a tenderhearted Eight of both genders whose feelings have been bruised because of the assumption that they are touch and don’t feel pain.

Ones can certainly see things in black and white terms and become irritated when others don’t come through, aren’t honest, or don’t pull their weight. But remember that the hallmark of Oneishness is the desire to correct, to make better. I know several Ones who don’t hold grudges - because they feel that it is wrong to do so. It’s not correct.

These are just a few examples, but it is all too easy to fall into stereotyping, even when we know better. Better to ask each individual “How is this situation (feelling etc) for you?” And it works even better when you both have that common Enneagram language.


Confusing The Map With The Territory

Just because we know the Enneagram type of another person does not mean we know him or her. The Enneagram is a rich and compelling map. But it is only a map. In a sense, it can be likened to our GPS devices in our cars or on our phones. It does a good job in certain known areas but it can lose its way or declare you off-road when it is unknown territory.

Each of us IS unknown territory. Our Enneagram type makes us more comprehensible to ourselves and others. It offers a map for growth both psychologically and spiritually. Still, much of our inner terrain is “off-road” even to ourselves. We are a learning in progress. We are growing ourselves.

One day, probably far in the future, it is my profound desire that we will no longer need the Enneagram map. I pray that we will connect intuitively, deeply with ourselves and others. Understanding will be like breathing and we will apprehend the true and holy territory of spiritual beings in human form. And then we might attend to other work, what I do not know.

I know, I know, it sounds like science fiction or utopia. But I can dream. In the meantime, I’ll try to use the map with delicacy and discretion, always reminding myself that there is so much more that is not known.

An Inquiry into Envy for All Enneagram Types

Envy. It’s an issue, indeed it is the passion or drive, for Enneagram type Four. So the rest of us don’t need to concern ourselves much with it. Or do we?

Barbara Arney, MA, presented an intriguing look into envy as a human drive that affects all the types at the recent International Enneagram Association meeting in San Francisco.

Through lecture and dyad exercises, we were able to discover how envy plays out in our lives, generally and vis a vis our Enneagram types. We learned about envying, but we explored what it is like to be envied and how disempowering that can be.

And surprisingly, we found that envy can offer us a gift. Opening to envy consciously can open us to what we thirst for in ourselves rather than looking outside for it in others.

Barbara posits that a major underlying force of envy involves a “fierce attraction to an external good while resisting the internal good.” We project (and we do not have to be Sixes to do this) our own good or desire for good onto others. When we take our inherent goodness and put it on others, we diminish ourselves.

Concurrently, when we envy someone we also diminish them by seeing only an idealized part of them rather than the complex, multifaceted being in front of us.

There’s hope, however. Whether experiencing the victimization of envy or being envied, Barbara tells us, we can avail ourselves of practices to develop a durable relationship with the Good.

Some of these practices include:
Grounding in the body - dropping into sensation and relaxation.

Centering exercises to steady the mind.

Recognizing your own reactivity of envy/envied: gossip, sarcasm, withdrawal, judgment, hatred, independence.

Keep an ongoing list of all the little fulfillments in your life.

Perhaps most important is to acknowledge your desire for good that is underneath your feelings of envy.

These practices seem simple. And they are. But they are not easy and we must be vigilant and diligent to change the patterns of envy in our lives. Only then may we be able to recognize and nurture the good in ourselves.

Of course, our first step is to notice when we are envying or being envied and our reactions. Self observation will enable us to notice its effects and allow us to embody the above practices to break envy’s insidious hold.

How, when, whom do you envy? How does envy manifest for you or your type? What are your reactions when others envy you? Let’s explore these questions together here in the comments.

More about Barbara Arney: She is a certified Enneagram instructor and corporate trainer/coach with the Rapid Change Group teaching brain-based tools to business. She is offering a virtual course/community called Women’s Ways: The Power of your Passions...A September Inquiry with the Enneagram. It includes conference calls each Wed. that are recorded, a centering CD, and two 30 minute coaching sessions, and more. For info, please contact Barbara directly at BarbaraA@comcast.net or on her Central time cell phone at 612-387-3399.

Enneagram Practice: Sometimes It’s Better To Receive

My husband, Dewitt, and I recently traveled to Europe for a combination of work and pleasure. Our first stop was France, so I dutifully brushed up on my traveler’s French, so that I could at least attempt to honor the language and culture that I was visiting.

And as my husband so aptly pointed out, one needs to be careful about speaking her piece well. Because when a French person answers you, it will be in rapid, colloquial language. And you will understand only a fraction of what you are receiving.
What has happened is that with quickie learning CD’s and the like, we’ve learned how to send a message but not necessarily how to receive it. This happens oh so frequently even when speaking our own language. In our own culture. We are gifted at sending but oftentimes, we fail at receiving.

And it happens when we interact with someone who inhabits a different Enneagram type than our own. Learning about the Enneagram types gives us a quickie course in culture, language, and worldview. But just because we might be conversant in the guidebook that the Enneagram offers, does not mean that we understand this other type, this other person.

The Enneagram, when used to its fullest, is about receiving. And receiving and receiving and receiving. We may be very good at sending, but sending messages does not enhance our understanding. Receiving does. Listening does. Asking for assistance in navigating and understanding another’s world does.

Receiving requires a passive, accepting stance. Culturally, in the U.S. at least, we are not educated in or applauded for taking such a stance. Ask any Nine who has had to “ramp up” to fit in to our Threeish milieu.

Here’s a practice we can all try. When next we are in communication with another whether we knew their Enneagram predilection or not, let’s just listen. Let’s experiment by trying to receive without sending. Sure, ask questions to help clarify the receiving when appropriate, but let’s just open a receptive space to experience another culture.

Let’s report back here and share how this felt. For us. The Enneagram is not about collecting knowledge or esoterica. It IS about understanding, empathy, and experiencing another as they experience themselves. I for one, look forward to the day when we no longer need the Enneagram guidebook to develop compassion and understanding, when empathy with one another will be as natural as breathing. Maybe not in my lifetime. Then again, maybe......................

An Enneagram Eight For A Day...Or a Nine Or a One...

"Can you ever switch types?" I’m frequently asked. "No" is the short answer. Our Enneagram personality home base is home base - which seems to be hardwired into us.

Still, as we grow and change, we can avail ourselves of attributes and strengths beyond the intrinsic ones of our own type. Heck, we can do it whether we know the Enneagram or not, although the map helps.

The Enneagram describes nine distinct world views. We might also envision the types as nine personality gifts, each of which illuminates a part of human potential.

Can we purposefully embody the positive traits of another type; a gift of human potential not innately our own? Can we access the appropriate attribute for a given situation, even if it is not natural or unconscious for us? Surely it is worth a try as we attempt to grow and actualize ourselves.

I remember one time when I was embarking on a business trip to teach the Enneagram to a group of women business leaders on the East Coast. My West coast flight was to leave in the early am, so I needed to catch an airport shuttle bus for the 1.5 hour ride to SFO.

Ordinarily, the bus drivers were ruthless about not waiting for latecomers or holding up departure for any reason. On this day, for unknown reasons, the driver waited for late folks he knew were coming for 5, 10, 15, 20 minutes.

This Seven slammed into One. I felt myself tighten up in my body, my teeth clenched, and I became anxious and outraged. I stopped myself and took a long hard look at my own reaction. What type might possibly have an attribute that could help me in my current situation.

I thought about my son, a go-with-the-flow Nine. How would he handle this? Well, I mused to myself, he would kick back in his comfortable, warm seat on the bus and either doze or open a book to read.

And if he missed the flight? Well, there were other flights to the East Coast, and the class wasn’t till the next day. Things just have a way of working out.

So I pretended. I acted like my Niney son. I stopped looking at my watch and started reading my book. My jaw muscles unclenched and I relaxed.

I had a most pleasant ride to the airport, got off at my stop (lateish), walked into the terminal, got my boarding pass, and walked right onto the plane since they were boarding already. (yes, it was pre 9-11.) It remains one of my favorite trip experiences.

One of my Enneagram students (a One) told me that she wanted to be more free and lusty with her husband during sexual closeness So she pretended that she was an Eight the next time they were intimate and claimed that it was the best time they’d ever had in bed.

While we can never truly “know” what it is to be another type or even to manifest the gifts in the specific flavor in which they experience themselves, we can try to expand out of our own limited Enneagram box. We may be surprised at the range we have available to us.

Have you always wanted to be a Four? A Three? A One? Try it for an afternoon or a day or in a situation where those gifts seem called for. Let us know how it works!

Enneagram Speaking Styles: Get Your Message Across

According to a famous study, people are more afraid of public speaking than they are of death. Whether we have to speak to a work group or a professional association or a large crowd, many of us are anxious about speaking. And as we know, when we are stressed, we may “stomp on” or exaggerate our point (type.). And in the process, lose the point... of our talk. Knowing our Enneagram speaking style can help us avoid the trouble areas of our own type and get out of the way of the message we want to deliver.

Each Enneagram type has a “default” style of communicating, particularly when speaking to a group or audience. We certainly have the ability to access styles other than our default when we are conscious and aware. However, when we go on auto, when our personality runs us rather than we run our personality, we fall into our default method of communicating with its strengths and its pitfalls. We naturally would like to maximize our strengths and minimize the pitfalls that will cause our message to be misinterpreted or not heard at all.

It is also helpful if we can expand our communication talents to include those of the other Enneagram types. When we can avail ourselves of different ways of communicating, we have the option of matching the style to the appropriate situation or group. All nine styles work well in given situations. We don’t want to be limited to our personality’s “default” mode, when another style may work better. Let’s examine the speaking styles of each of the nine Enneagram types.

Speaking Styles: Pitfalls and Strengths

Type One - The Perfectionist

Speaking Style: Sermonizing

Strengths - honesty, integrity, doing it well, getting it right, detail oriented. Want to be good.

Pitfalls - can preach or sermonize (because its right!), can get so lost in the details that lose your listeners or don’t ever do a speech because it isn’t right yet. Can be inadaptable so never change your message for fear it will be wrong.

Recommendations
Be in service of the message rather than in being right. Know when it is good enough. Don’t preach or sermonize, there really is more than one right answer; they’ll turn you off if you preach, anyway.



Type Two - the Giver

Speaking Style: Warmth

Strengths - empathy, a caring compassionate bent, orientation toward relationship and service. Ability to connect quickly.

Pitfalls - pride in all of the above, I am giving you so much so be grateful. Over-emoting. Get lost in the emotional stories and lose the audience. Shape shifting to be liked - can seem wishy washy.

Recommendations
Humility - these folks were doing ok before you got here. Give the best you have to offer without attachment. Use stories in service of the message. True empathy involves knowing when to back off. Just because you believe you know what they need doesn’t mean they want it.

Type Three - the Performer
Speaking Style: Convincing
Strengths - ability to sense what the audience wants and shift/change message so it will be heard. Can sell anything. Charming and facile. Quick. Inspirational. Usually very good on stage.

Pitfalls - may not have own message. May be strong on style and low on content or actual message. May seem too slick, too polished. Audience doesn’t trust. Can cut corners and slide through. Pretend to know more than do.

Recommendations
Be clear on your message, don’t cut corners but learn your topic well. Figure out where you stand so don’t lose self in trying to be successful at speaking. Give credit to others.



Type Four - the Romantic
Speaking Style: Lamenting

Strengths - Unique point of view, dramatic, often very skilled on platform in delivery, sensitive and creative. emotional.

Pitfalls - can be overly dramatic, can be so attached to uniqueness that audience doesn’t relate, speaking style of lamenting. Can be lost in emotion and lose audience like the Two.

Recommendations
Use drama to accentuate your points; if it doesn’t enhance the message, get rid of it. Ask others you trust if too much drama, emotionality that are not in service of the message. Be wary of separating yourself from the audience - unique so they could never hope to be like you.


Type Five - the Observer
Speaking Style: Dissertation

Strengths - depth of knowledge about a topic, often are the expert in what they speak on, ability to observe acutely and describe well, superb humor - often dry, well read - will probably know what all others have said/written on the subject. Can systematize information well.

Pitfalls - Can have speaking style of dissertation. Can quote everybody and not reference self, can seem detached or not present, may withhold information. May give too much information and wander the labyrinths of the mind.

Recommendations
Watch for quoting too many, too much: as Plato said, as Clinton once said. Quote yourself - put yourself in it. Pare down information to what really serves the message; not everyone wants to explore it in the depth that you do. Be present while speaking. Use observing and humor skills. Simplify.


Type Six - the Loyal Skeptic
Speaking Style: “Shotgun” or Apologetic

Strengths - loyalty, duty to people or a cause, especially underdogs; healthy skepticism, can sense hidden agendas, prefers group to spotlight often. Antiauthoritarian.

Pitfalls - doubt own message so unclear, push cause down others throat, can be overly pessimistic: doom and gloom if you don’t change, senses hidden motives and danger where there are none. Can use shock techniques due to ambivalence toward authority. Talking in short shotgun blasts.

Recommendations
See yourself in service to the underdog cause of the message. That means clearly defining what the message is. Don’t try to shock or bring out listener’s true feelings. Slow down speech,. Highlight an optimistic feature. Don’t push causes - illuminate them.


Type Seven - the Optimist
Speaking Style: Enthusiastic storyteller

Strengths - Storytelling, humor, optimism. Great reframers - of everything. Upbeat high energy people who emphasize work etc. as fun. Can draw parallels and similarities between very unlike things. Adventurous, enjoy life to the fullest.

Pitfalls - Can become too attached to own stories, can make a story out of a mundane trip to the post office which may not be relevant. May seem pollyannaish to audience, so won’t trust you. Overemphasis on fun may lose audience. Can be dilettantish - know a little about everything, but not a lot about any one thing. Can use too much humor.

Recommendations
learn topic really well - don’t get distracted by other things. Use humor and stories in service of the message. Don’t reframe everything - take a beat first. Insert a little downside, then the plan to deal with it. Be sure the parallels and connections you make are relevant and helpful.


Type Eight - the Boss
Speaking Style: Commanding

Strengths - clear direct, straightforward. Forceful. Able to communicate message by sheer will. Honest and just. What you see is what you get. Good at direction - inspires by sheer will. Large energy and presence. Instinctual knowing - from the gut. Clarity.

Pitfalls - Too in your face - pushy, bull in the china shop. Too attached to my truth is the Truth and there is no room for any argument. Too little backup information. I know from my gut.

Recommendations
Filter speech through heart and mind. Consider impacts of speaking, recommendations, etc. Recognize dissenting points of view - and allow them. Do homework to back up instinctual knowledge and flesh it out.


Type Nine - the Mediator
Speaking Style: Epic, Conciliatory

Strengths - Able to see all points of view and hold them equally. Merges with audience energetically - we are all one. Non-threatening, comfortable. Easygoing charm.

Pitfalls - Epic nine way of speaking where extraneous details and unimportant info cloud the message. The speech has no point, holds all points of view without a conclusion. Can have laconic way of speaking that puts people to sleep. Passive verbage may lose people - e.g. “ how leadership happens to you”. Won’t compute to rest of us.

Recommendations
Define the point of the message and be clear about it. Be careful of the tendency toward passive verbage. Don’t fall asleep on stage - go on automatic. Beware of epics - keep coming back to the point. We don’t need the whole story.

Remember, no matter which of the nine types is your Enneagram type or dominant speaking style, if you get lost in your own story (personality), you’ll lose 9/10’s of your listeners. If you speak from your strengths or gifts and allow these to serve the message, they’ll hear you.

U.S.A.: Has a Three Culture Moved to Six?

Most Enneagram experts have identified the United States as a Threeish culture. We as a nation believe in success, productivity, and the power of image. Our cosmology could be summed up in two of our more successful ad campaigns: Nike’s “Just Do It” and Canon’s “Image is Everything.” As a whole, we ‘ve traditionally been an upbeat, can-do country, if a little too self-absorbed and self-congratulatory.

These days, however, the USA looks much more Sixish, boomeranging between counterphobic and phobic, fearful of just about everything. We could blame the press (which has always been counterphobic) or the 24-7 “entertain-news” on television.

We could foist responsibility on eight years of a counterphobic Sixish administration advocating certainty as an admirable leadership trait or a distinct “us vs them” philosophy in dealing with other nations, cultures, or religions.

We could point to the shock of 9-11 as the beginning of our move from Three to Six. All of these may indeed be factors. However, it is likely that there is more to it.

Six is not the stress point for Three; that would be Nine. Still we can access the high or low side of any of the points available to us: heart, stress, and wings. And right now the U.S. seems solidly in the low side of Six.

We citizens have become cynical and pessimistic. We don’t believe our government officials are trustworthy. And we look for every opportunity to debunk them as authority. We are similarly disillusioned with our free market and private enterprise given the recent meltdown of our economy.

The government itself suffers from analysis paralysis and very little seems to get done. (Although we may actually get health care reform......)

When I talk with friends and acquaintances of any political leanings, they profess fear of change and fear of the status quo in the same breath. When I ask what we as a nation should do in any given situation, they blink like deer in the headlights or reiterate what is wrong with any idea put forth by government, private enterprise, or pundits.

We are lost in an “us vs them” mentality, both abroad and here at home. It’s the U.S. against jihadists and those who won’t stand with us. It’s naturalized citizens vs illegal (and sometimes legal) immigrants. It’s Republican vs Democrat and liberal vs conservative. And we are not even civil in our debate or certainty.

Does the U.S. need to return to its former Threeness to recover? Perhaps not. We might be able to avail ourselves of the high side of Six for starters. The ability to unite and work tirelessly for a cause, loyalty to a higher purpose, trouble shooting to avoid pitfalls while moving ahead toward an ideal worth manifesting, egalitarian acceptance of others, and a deep understanding of the strength in numbers that can bring us all together.

Has America lost its Three overlay? Are we solidly in the Six worldview? Is there a prescription for what ails us and what might it be? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Finding Enneagram Type Via Hallmark Characteristics Part III

In this post, we continue our look at the hallmark characteristics of Enneagram types Seven, Eight, and Nine.

Type Seven - The Optimist

Characteristics

º Sustaining high levels of excitement, many activities, many interesting things to do
º Endless possibilities - can lead to dilettantism
º Feel trapped without multiple options or way out
º Life is about fun and adventure - sampling all of it
º Avoidance of pain or difficulty
º Reframe any negative into a positive
º Replacement of deep contact with pleasant mental alternatives. Talking, planning, intellectualizing.
º Charm as first line of defense. Fear type who moves toward people.
º Equalizing authority
º Make unusual connections between unrelated ideas


Hallmark Characteristic
The hallmark or defining characteristic of an Optimist Seven is that of reframing any negative into a positive. Sevens see the good in everything, often to their own detriment. They focus on the silver lining and miss the fact that the dark cloud exists. Even trauma and tragedy are reframed into good learning experiences or humorous stories. “Yes, my dad beat me, but what was good about it was......”

Type Eight -The Straight Shooter

Characteristics

º Control of personal space, possessions, and people likely to influence Eight’s life.
º Aggression and open expression of anger
º Action before thinking, impulsive.
º Concern with justice and protection of others
º Sparring as way of making contact - trust those who can hold their own in a fight.
º Excess as antidote to boredom. Too much exercise, work, partying, etc.
º Difficulty in recognizing dependent aspects of self
º All or nothing way of seeing world. Weak or strong, fair or unfair,etc.
º Impatience with indecision, inaction.

Hallmark Characteristic
The hallmark or defining characteristic of Eight is bigger-than-life energy. Regardless of physical stature, Straight Shooters just seem to take up a lot of space. This larger-than-life quality manifests as abundant, even excessive energy. Eights seem able to do more, for longer periods than the rest of us. Oddly enough, the Straight Shooter himself often doesn’t recognize that he takes up more space than others, or even that he has more energy. Yet, everyone else around him is all too aware. If the characteristics and worldview sound familiar to you, but you are unsure about the hallmark, elicit the perception of family, coworkers, and friends to find out if they see you as “larger-than-life”.

Type Nine - the Mediator

Characteristics

º Go with the flow. Merging with others, universe
º Self- forgetting: laziness toward own needs, priorities, agenda
º Trouble with decisions: do I agree or disagree? Do I want to
be here or not?
º Containment of physical energy and anger
º Replace essential needs with non-essential substitutes - the most important things are left until the end of the day
º Act through habit and repeating familiar solutions
º Control through stubbornness and passive-aggressive behavior
º Numbing out. Inertia. Go on automatic pilot

Hallmark Characteristic
The Nine Mediator often overlooks or “forgets” her own agenda, desires, and priorities. The underlying drive of sloth leads the Nine to go with the flow rather than work to determine what s/he really wants or needs. Nine’s adopt or merge with the preferences and desires of other people. It’s easier than trying to discover his/her own agenda and priorities, which seem to be hidden or unclear. Although, this can seem similar to the stance of the Two Giver, it differs in that Nine Mediators merge indiscriminately with others. It just “happens.” Two Givers are very selective and choose the people whose priorities they may make their own. The Two stance is very active and moves toward others, while the Nine is more passive, allowing them to “go along with” others. As with all the characteristics for all Nine types, self-forgetting can get to be a habit.

When trying to determine Enneagram type, it can be helpful to focus on Hallmark Characteristics rather than getting lost in the whole enchilada of characteristics and traits. With attention and self-observation, the discovery of type is a profound journey -that takes as long as it takes.

Finding Enneagram Type Via Hallmark Characteristics Part II

In this blog entry, we continue the exploration of the Hallmark characteristics of type for Types Four, Five, and Six.

Type Four - The Romantic

Characteristics

º Idealization of the distant, dissatisfaction with present reality
º Sense of something missing from life - others have it.
º Attachment to melancholy; deep feelings are more
important than mere happiness.
º Search for authenticity.
º Affinity with intense in life: birth, death, etc.
º Sense of being different than others, unique, special.
º Desire for emotional intensity - wants to be met emotionally.
º Attraction to beauty, strong aesthetic sense.
º Mood, manners, luxury, good taste as external boosts to
self-esteem.


Hallmark Characteristic
The hallmark or defining characteristic for the Romantic is the pervasive sense of something vital missing from his/her life. The Four doesn’t know what is missing, just that it is essential to her completeness. At different times, the Romantic may decide that the missing piece is a job or a person, even a place. S/he will fixate on this desired object, often until it becomes attainable, then discard it or feel dissatisfied when the feeling of “something missing” still remains.

Type Five - the Observer

Characteristics

º Privacy
º Maintaining non-involvement, withdraw and tighten
the belt as first line of defense.
º Delayed emotions. Feelings withheld until safely alone
º Compartmentalizing of time commitments in life.
º Wanting predictability - to know what will happen.
º Overvaluing self-control. “Drama is for lesser beings”
º Interest in special knowledge and systems
º Mental clarity, detachment from emotional bias


Hallmark Characteristic
The hallmark or defining characteristic of the Five Observer is detachment. The ability to disengage may be activated by a social event, a family discussion, a presentation or performance, or any interaction. Many Fives actually describe a separate “Observer self” located above or just behind him that watches him interact or perform. This keeps the Five from being overwhelmed by people, emotions, or other stimuli.


Type Six - the Loyal Skeptic

Characteristics

º Scan environment for clues that explain inner sense of threat
º Intuitive style of powerful imagination and single-pointed
attention, both natural to the fearful mind.
º Authority problems - distrust
º Identification with underdog causes
º Issues with incompletion - success is exposure to danger
º Suspicious of others’ motives: bullshit detectors
º Skepticism and doubt
º Analysis paralysis - thinking replaces doing
º Heightened fear when things are going well - when’s the other
shoe going to drop?


Hallmark Characteristic
The hallmark of the Loyal Skeptic involves seeing the downsides or dangers, almost immediately, whether it involves visualizing a worst case scenario in graphic detail or ferreting out hidden motives. While the reactions may differ: the Phobic or Flight Six may be fearful and avoiding danger while the Counterphobic or Fight Six may jump in with both feet to prove s/he can overcome potential pitfalls, both will have imagined the worst case. In the case of hidden motives, the Phobic Six may be watchful and wary while the Counterphobic Six will confront, poking and prodding to get the true colors shown.

Finding Enneagram Type Via Hallmark Characteristics

It can be baffling when one is trying to determine his/her Enneagram type. We try to find ourselves in the lists of characteristics. Some fit from all of the types, others don’t fit at all. How can we sift through the information and find our home base vis a vis the Enneagram?

First of all, we do not have to exhibit all the characteristics of type for that to be our type. The Enneagram describes an internal terrain, a world view. Still, initially we may have more success in narrowing our search for type by finding what characteristics resonate rather than seeing our worldview. Our worldview is so much a part of our Enneagram filter that we might not see it at all until we have had ample time for self-observation.

All characteristics do not have the same weight or importance, when describing Enneagram type. Listening to numerous panels and self-aware exemplars of Type, I’ve noted what I call a Hallmark characteristic for each of the Nine types. While it can be helpful to look at lists of characteristics; the Hallmark seems to be the Big Dog. Finding the Hallmark characteristic might help you (or your family, friends, and cohorts) to discover type more easily.

With that in mind, here is a partial list of characteristics plus the Hallmark characteristic for Types One, Two, and Three.

Type One - The Perfectionist

Characteristics

º Compulsive need to act on what seems correct
º One right way, black and white thinking
º Relentless stream of self-criticizing thoughts
º Mentally comparing oneself to others and concern
about criticism
º Belief in one’s own moral and ethical superiority
º Procrastination stemming from fear of making a
mistake
º Do-gooder. Do what “should” be done rather than
what one wants to.
º Trapdoor phenomenon - pleasure escape valve
º Scorched Earth policy - scrap whole project and start over if even one small part is wrong.

In the case of the Perfectionist One, the hallmark or defining characteristic is the relentlessness of the inner critic. Many Ones describe it as a critical Voice that constantly evaluates, judges, and harangues the Perfectionist. Some Ones are critical of other people, other Ones keep their critical thoughts to themselves. Regardless, every Perfectionist seems to suffer from an ongoing, internal critique through nearly every minute of every day.


Type Two - The Giver

Characteristics

º Gaining approval and avoiding rejection
º Pride in importance of oneself in relationship: “they’d never make it without me”. Being indispensable

º Pride in knowing and meeting others needs
º Giving to get - the hook.
º Confusion in identifying personal needs.
º Altering self to please others
º Making a difference to others lives, the world, etc.
º Hysteria or anger when emerging real needs collide
with the needs of the others that one serves.


The defining characteristic for the Giver Two is the need to become central, even indispensable to another “chosen” individual. One Two went so far as to explain, “It’s almost as if I establish my center in the person I am interested in being important to.” Whether in work, friendship, or intimate relationships, the Giver believes that those significant to him/her would never make it without the Giver’s help or support. The unconscious drive of Pride underlies the Two’s sense that s/he alone knows what the significant other needs, and s/he will provide it.

Type Three - The Performer

Characteristics

º Goal is everything.
º Efficiency
º Competition and avoidance of failure
º Love comes from what you do rather than who you are
º Feelings suspended until job gets done
º Presentation of image that’s adjusted to gain approval.
º Multitasking - do several things at once
º Run over others to get to goal, apologize later


The defining characteristic of a Performer is excessive identification with his image or that which he produces: “I am my image” or “I am what I do.” The feeling that underneath the image or productivity is a “black hole” of nothing is the hallmark of a Three. The Three believes that he has sold us a package of goods: himself. Fearing that he is nothing but a fraud, the Performer must keep doing, producing, selling, dazzling to keep from being found out.

These are the hallmarks as I’ve heard them described. Let me know if this resonates for you, if you already know your type. We learn more about type through self inquiry, self observation, and subsequent sharing of insights gleaned through these processes.

I’ll be sharing characteristics and Hallmarks for the other six types in upcoming blog entries.

(material adapted from The Everyday Enneagram book.)

Mountain Highs and Lows Enneagram Style

Every summer I migrate to a mountain town situated on a stunning alpine lake. A town, community, or region will exhibit its own overlay of Enneagram type and my warm weather home is no different. I move from my Niney home in Molokai, Hawaii to Sevenish South Lake Tahoe.

It’s a bit of a culture shock when I first arrive. The people are chatty, perky, and almost unbearably upbeat. I AM a Seven, but it still is hard for me. I’ve settled so deeply into my Nine home where people don’t talk a lot, don’t care what you do, and like to just hang out, eat, and enjoy music.

There are multiple activities, parties, and events. Rarely does a day pass without an invitation or five. And if you hire someone to build, repair, or do something? Or commit to attending your event? Well, they may or may not make it. In this recreational paradise, the siren song of something better to do is always exerting a pull.

It is so prevalent that locals have a phrase for it: they call it “getting Tahoed” when people don’t show up as scheduled. It’s frustrating but in true Seven fashion, it is just reframed in a more positive light as one of the costs of living in outdoor recreation heaven.

Contrast this mountain town with Aspen, Colorado - Threeish mecca of movie stars, moguls, and millionaires. The first time I went to Aspen, I met no fewer than four beauty queens in the first two hours. Names were dropping like snowflakes. Everyone had predicates up the kazoo and no one was shy about letting you know who they were. I can’t remember when I’ve seen so many beautiful, seemingly accomplished people in one place. It was glittery, exciting, and utterly exhausting.

At least, Tahoe and Aspen know who they are for now. There is tension when a town begins to morph or change into a new Enneagram style. Some years ago, I was asked to do a book signing in Sun Valley, Idaho. Like Aspen and Tahoe, this small mountain town is a hiking and skiing paradise.

The day after the book signing, I taught an all day Enneagram class to a group of Sun Valley residents. We began discussing the Enneagram styles of towns and regions. There was a distinct split among the old-timers and the folks relatively new to the area. Those who’d lived there fifteen or more years decried the changes in their community from a “fun-loving, anything goes” attitude to a more “status conscious, flashy” demeanor.

The newcomers thought it was just “hip” and “cool”, even “special”. They loved that big stars now acted in the local theatre and that people found it a “destination”. Yet they began to see how change was chafing at some and that Sun Valley was experiencing growing pains. While the old-timers began to acknowledge that not all of the growth was bad.

Knowing the pluses and minuses of our own Enneagram styles helps us navigate and grow ourselves. Ditto for the regions we live in whose Enneagram overlay affects us in ways we may not realize when unconscious of their impacts. As we become more aware, we are less likely to fall prey to the downsides or lows of our own Enneagram types and of the overlays of the regions in which we live. And we can celebrate the gifts or highs of the same.

Songlines of the Enneagram

I was teaching the Enneagram to a group of military wives (amazing, strong women) at Pearl Harbor some years ago. As usually happens, most could relate to many of the types. Still one or two of the Enneagram points are unknown territory initially. One woman (self-identified as a One) could not understand the melancholy of Four. “I just don’t get it; how someone can feel that way and not want to get over it.”

Her best friend finally turned to her and said, “You know how you like to listen to country western music and weep, and you don’t want to be cheered up? It’s like that.”

“Oh,” she breathed.

Music resonates in a deep place within us. Song lyrics can illuminate type while the musical styling gives us another way to experience one of the nine worldviews. I recommend songs to my clients and students as one way in to begin understanding each of the.Enneagram types. Here are a few songlines that offer just a hint of the internal terrains.

Point One - The Perfectionist

“Nothin’ but a big bunch of nothin’
Drivin’ me insane.
Cause there ain’t no voice that’s louder
Than the one inside my brain.

Hey you go on
Go on and let me be
Quit hollerin’ at me
Quit hollerin’ at me
Sweet serenity
Quit hollerin’ at me.”

Song: Quit Hollerin’ At Me
Artist: John Prine


Point Two - The Giver

“You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I’ll come running to see you again.

Winter, Spring, Summer, or Fall
All you have to do is call
And I’ll be there, yes I will
You’ve got a friend.”

Song: You’ve Got a Friend
Artists: James Taylor / Carol King


Point Three - The Performer

“I’ve proved who I am so many times
In magnetic strips worn thin
And each time I was someone else
And everyone was taken in.

I never knew what you all wanted
So I gave you everything
All that I could pillage
All the spells that I could sing.”

Song: Pacing the Cage
Artist: Jimmy Buffett


Point Four - The Romantic

“So the next time you see me drowning
In that quicksand up to my neck.
Before you grab my hand to save me
Why don’t you ask me if I’m finished yet.

But if I truly want to be happy
I can pray for that missing piece
To the break in the cup that holds love
Inside of me.”

Song: Break In The Cup
Artist: David Wilcox


Point Five - The Observer

“Safely from my window
To the streets below
I touch no one and no one touches me.

I am a rock. I am an island.
And a rock feels no pain.
And an island never cries.”

Song: I Am A Rock
Artists: Simon and Garfunkel


Point Six - the Loyal Skeptic

“Oh the first days are the hardest days
Don’t you worry anymore.
‘Cause when life looks like easy street,
There is danger at your door.”

Song: Uncle John’s Band
Artists: The Grateful Dead


Point Seven - The Optimist

“Visions of good times that
brought so much pleasure
Makes me want to go back again...

I can’t look back for too long.
There’s just too much to see
Waiting in front of me
And I know that I just can’t go wrong.

With these changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes.
Nothing remains quite the same.
With all of my running
And all of my cunning
If I couldn’t laugh, I just would go insane.”

Song: Changes in Latitude
Artist: Jimmy Buffett



Point Eight - The Straight-Shooter

“It’s like going to confession
Every time I hear you speak
Some call it sick, but I call it weak.

Complain about the present
And blame it on the past.
I’d like to find your inner child
And kick its little ass.

Get over it
Get over it
All the bitchin’ and moanin’
And pitchin’ a fit
Get over it. Get over it.”

Song: Get Over It
Artists: The Eagles


Point Nine - The Mediator

“Let it be, let it be. Let it be, let it be.
There will be an answer, let it be.

Song: Let it Be
Artists: The Beatles

“I used to run those battlelines
Trying to smooth over what got said.
I thought it was my duty
To plead and to implore.
But I caught too much crossfire
In your covert war.”

Song: Covert War
Artist: David Wilcox

Of course, a song by itself cannot communicate the complexity of type. It serves merely as an opening, a blossoming of empathy and a beginning point for inquiry to learn more. Songlines touch our heart for an emotional connection with our own types and others. Perhaps you have some favorite songs that resonate with an aspect of Enneagram type - share them with us here.

And visit iTunes to download the above songs for yourself.

Energies of the Enneagram Heart Triad

Two, Three, and Four make up the heart center triad. The emotion that fuels their drives is grief. Other Enneagram authors also refer to this triad as the “image” triad, due to these three types’ concern with how others perceive them. Grief or sadness ensues when each feels s/he has substituted an image as full or partial replacement for a loss of self.

Type Two
Triad: Heart
Emotion: Grief - Externalized
Drive: Pride
Energy: Aggressive Affection

Point Two is the externalized version of grief. S/he feels others feelings, empathizes with their pain, and works to meet their needs and heal them. A Two has an image of himself as the Giver and caretaker; the one without needs who can intuit and meet the needs of others. The “charge” of the emotional battery is externalized to others by the Two, so s/he doesn’t need to feel her own. Of course the downside of this occurs when the Two’s battery is discharged until it is empty.

The drive for Two is Pride. The Two tells a story of feeling her energy coming out from the middle of her chest to another with whom she desires connection. She divines through her emotional center what the significant person needs. Unfortunately, because her life force is externalized and probing others, she is out of touch with herself. Her pride shows itself in that she believes she knows not only another’s needs, but how to meet those needs. Another aspect of pride is reflected in Two’s belief that she herself does not have needs.

Those of us who attract the Two’s focused attention feel the intensity of being the center of the Two’s universe. Our intrinsic value is verified by the Two. The energy feels like a warm, aggressive force field coming from the Two’s heart toward us, enfolding us. This can feel wonderful or intrusive.

When a Two is overwhelmed or frenetically giving, s/he can fall victim to a swirling chaos of emotions or ‘hysteria’. Although this energy is like an emotional whirlwind, it is important for us to stay present and solid when hysteria erupts. Twos already fear that we will abandon them - if we stay steady, offer focused clarity, and do not leave the room, the Two will profoundly appreciate this. And we will avoid getting caught up in the maelstrom of ‘hysteria’.

Type Four
Triad: Heart
Emotion: Grief - Internalized
Drive: Envy
Energy: Dramatic Pull

Four represents the internalized version of grief in the Heart triad. Fours tell a tale of loss and longing for a pivotal missing piece that is central to their feeling whole and complete. Rather than externalize grief like the Two (others need help, I don’t), the Four internalizes and focuses on her sadness. In fact, the Four may amplify or intensify the sadness in order to explore it deeply. An image that reveals Four’s uniqueness or defectiveness in others eyes, serves to enhance and continue the feeling of loss that no one else can understand. The emotional charge of grief is found in the Four’s rich inner life of bittersweet longing.

Envy grows out of this grief and becomes the Four’s drive. Not only is the Four missing some elemental piece that would make life complete, but it is clear that others have it. The Four longs for the completeness, the love, that others have. If she fixates attention on a person (or job, place, whatever) that she feels will complete her, she feels the tug of her heartstrings toward the desired.

The rest of the the Enneagram Points feel the Four’s heart as if it were pulling at them. Four does not want to leave her rich inner world, but rather to bring the other to them to join and make her finally complete. Energetically, there can be a magnetic pull toward the Four’s depth. Even their energy seems “special,” somehow different. The difference pulls seductively.

The Four’s energy pulls at the desired. As it comes closer to being realized, the Four may find flaws and push it away. So energy can pull - and then push away. As the desired person or object recedes into the distance, it may become desired again, and the Four pulls it back toward her. It may be confusing to the desired person to experience this push-pull energetic.

The Four wishes to be met emotionally. Remember your own boundaries and cultivate clarity when you meet a Four’s intensity. This will make it possible to honor the realm in which they live, without feeling pulled into the vortex of emotion. Listen and stay present with the Four, work on understanding rather than helping or changing them. Constancy and steadiness will help you deal with the push-pull energy.

Type Three
Triad: Heart
Emotion: Grief - Forgotten
Drive: Deceit
Energy: Charismatic Producer

Three is the member of the heart triad, who simply “forgot” their grief. Threes are busy, optimistic people. The emotional charge of grief is set aside while enormous amounts of energy are channeled into doing and presenting a successful image to others. The Three can appear very driven or workaholic. They are prodigious producers. Grief is an emptiness that the Three can avoid by continuing to juggle multiple tasks, projects,, or adjusting his image to be seen as successful.

The Three’s habit of deceit is mainly self-deceit, in that he deceives himself into believing that he is the image that he projects. “I am what I do” or “I am my image” displaces authentic desires and preoccupations. Three tricks himself into believing that he is whatever will gain him success in others’ eyes. On a deeper level, the Three believes that there is no authentic self underneath the image, so he’d better keep dazzling you with his successful performance. Otherwise you could see that there is nothing but smoke and mirrors covering an empty hole.

Swirling like smoke and brilliant like mirrors, the Three’s energy is captivating. It is moving and shaking, inspiring energy. We listen with bated breath, suspending our own disbelief, when the Three comes toward us from his heart, simultaneously divining and making the subtle image shifts that will gain our love. A Five described a famous Three politician “I saw him speak and I was so uplifted and inspired, I would have followed him anywhere. Later, I tried to recall what he said, and I couldn’t come up with a single concrete position. And I consider myself a critical thinker.”

Be attentive to substance as well as performance. Cultivate awareness of your own center when confronted with the charisma of the Three. Do not directly confront or embarrass a Three by declaring the Emperor has no clothes. Honor a Three for who s/he is rather than the performance.

Enneagram Energies of the Gut Triad

Let’s now take a look at the energy of the individual types, starting with the Gut Triad, Enneagram types Eight, One, and Nine.

Gut Triad

Eight, Nine, and One are the types that make up the gut center triad. The underlying emotion associated with the gut center is anger. It fuels the drive or passion for each of the gut types.


Type Eight
Triad: Gut
Emotion: Anger - Externalized
Drive: Lust
Energy: Lust, Larger than Life

Eight represents the externalized version of anger. their anger is like a summer thunderstorm; it rises quickly, it booms and pounds intensely, and it’s over in a flash. When it’s finished, it’s finished. The air is clear.

Eight’s drive or passion plays out as Excess or Lust (Lust in this instance refers to a “lust for life” rather than the sexual connotation.) Live life to the fullest, and then go further. Taste it, eat it, smell it! Give it everything you’ve got. Hold nothing back!

So it’s not surprising that the energy of Eights strikes the rest of us as large. They fill up a room energetically. We feel their will and strength as a large force field extending out from them, pushing ahead with their agenda. We can either feel energized or intimidated by this energy. However we may feel, Eights want to be met energetically. “Sensing” from the gut, they push the force field out to check your force field. They want to know where you stand. Are you friend or foe? Will you stand your ground? Are you worthy?

If you are intimidated and flee (either actually or with your energy by withdrawing inside yourself), the Eight moves forward. You may be foe or unworthy, and since the Eight can’t sense your presence, s/he must move forward to confront, to find out what you’re really made of.

An Eight stewardess describes her experience: “When people pull back from me or I can’t get a sense of them, it feels like there’s a “power void” and I must move into it. I realize this now, and I’m working on just allowing the void, but my natural reaction is to fill up the space.” Nature abhors a vacuum, and no type exemplifies this more than Eights.

To honor the Eight, we need to meet their considerable energy. To do this, we need to push our own energy from our gut. Bring your attention to the belly center. Now push out your own force field. Allow their force field to probe and find you. If you are trying to communicate with an Eight, be clear, direct, to the point. Don’t be wishy-washy, don’t explain your entire thinking process, just let ‘er rip. Stand your ground, while pushing out with your own force field. Do not escalate the conflict or discussion - this will just cause the Eight’s energy to rise. Unless you are an Eight, you can’t rise as far as they can, and you’ll be crushed. By the same token, do not wimp out or withdraw your energy. State your position clearly, firmly, and briefly while pushing out with your force field. Show yourself to be worthy of respect in the world of the Eight.


Type One
Triad: Gut
Emotion: Anger - Internalized
Drive: Resentment
Energy: Rigid Containment

One contains the internalized version of anger - resentment. Anger is stuffed deep inside and seeps out in in the guise of irritation, frustration, and resentment. Anger can even be turned against the One himself in the form of haranguing by the internal critic. In this sense, Ones’ anger is more like an active volcano that is not allowed to blow. Small bursts of steam vent through clenched teeth as the One seethes.

Resentment is the drive or passion of the One. Small wonder since anger doesn’t get blown off as with the Eight. A One is angry at “having” to circumvent her own desires for that which should be done. Furthermore, there doesn’t seem to be any reward for being virtuous and responsible. One is angry at the inherent unfairness of this situation. Others just skate by, shirking responsibility or cutting corners, and they aren’t penalized for it. In fact, others seem to be enjoying pleasure and indulging their desires, without necessarily having earned them.

The other eight Points of the Enneagram experience Ones’ energy as contained, but intense. (Pragmatic clarity and seriousness characterize Ones, when not angry.) There is a sense that if the One did blow, it would be along the lines of Krakatoa. Sometimes, the energy can feel stabbing - like a small slice by the force field with each vent of steam, in the form of criticism. We can find ourselves on the defensive and pushing back angrily.

To meet One’s energy, focus your attention on your belly and the ground. Keep your force field constant. Rather than get defensive, explain your position clearly and calmly. Take the One seriously, and above all don’t criticize him. Remember the inner critic is already bashing him. Point out while staying in your gut that there is more than one right answer, but elicit his help with change whenever possible. One’s energy can be rigid, tight when change is called for. Allow time if possible for the One to adjust to the change, and elicit their help with the change whenever possible.


Type Nine
Triad: Gut
Emotion: Anger - Forgotten
Drive: Sloth or Indolence
Energy: Diffuse Extension

Nines lost awareness of or “forgot” they were angry, but they are no less driven by it than are Ones and Eights. Anger is kept safely hidden from the Nine’s view, but s/he pays a price by also losing her own priorities, desires, even her passion. The strength and action that are the birthright of the gut center are simply not felt. Nines are like an inactive volcano. It takes a lot of energy not to notice something, which may help explain why Nines often feel ‘low energy’ or feel they are enlivened by the energy of others.

Their drive is sloth or indolence toward their own priorities or agendas. Down in the gut lives anger, which the Nine has “forgotten,” but what also lives there is Passion and Life Force and a Nine’s own desires/needs. This inadvertent sacrifice has Nines seemingly just blowing whichever way the wind blows, just going along with life, rather than actively participating or creating a life.

Nines seem diffuse energetically to the rest of us, as if the molecules of their force field are spread out over a great distance. They passively sense their environment from the gut center and take in energy and cues from their surroundings and others. Their energy and attention can extend over a large area. One Nine told me “I sometimes feel that I can sense what is going on on the whole property, even though I’m in the front office.”

Their feeling of being merged or “One with everything” can leave the rest of us wondering if they have a separate self or preference. They appear to just go along. If pushed hard however, they seem to sweetly solidify into a smiling immovable object. While they haven’t chosen a course of action, they have rejected being pushed into one. We find them to be calm, peaceful, easygoing folk, albeit a little extended into the environment. Being with a Nine can feel like falling into a big, comfortable space. It is important to maintain awareness of your boundaries so that you don’t get “lost” in the Niney space.

To truly honor a Nine, allow time for him/her to make a decision without jumping in either with words or non-verbally with your energy (force field) to give them a decision to merge with. Stay steady, don't push, calmly redirect the Nine to making his/her preference known.

Energy and The Enneagram Part III

Energy and the Three Triads
We've been talking about the "energy" of the Enneagram types in the latest blog posts. What is energy? How does this play out for each of the types.

The dictionary uses substance, intensity, spirit, and strength as synonyms for the word energy. We might even use the word vibration. We notice an energetic of each person we meet, though we usually don’t use the word energy to describe them. We might say “s/he really takes up a lot of space.” “I feel uplifted and excited just being around them.” “It feels like s/he doesn’t have much flexibility, once a decision’s been made.” It’s like his body’s in the room, but he’s somewhere else.”

These statements are all descriptions of energetic states that we sense. Feeling and sensing our environment are aspects of emotional intelligence and natural to us as human beings. We can also sense the energy of other people. And each of the Enneagram types has its own particular energetic. It is as if each of us has a force field that contains our energy or life force.

Each triad of the Enneagram is driven by an emotion linked to the primary intelligence center. The gut triad is driven by anger, the head triad by fear, and the heart triad by grief. Individual types within the triad play out the emotion in a different manner. In each group of three, one type externalizes the emotion, one type internalizes the emotion, and the third type has “forgotten” that emotion. The underlying emotion and the primary center of intelligence seem to ‘create’ the energy or force field of each of the type. Therefore the energy or force field is embodied very differently by each of the Enneagram types.

In attempting to recognize another person’s type, sensing their energy or force field can be invaluable. We all may embody all the traits and characteristics of the Enneagram types at different times or in different situations. The energy we feel from another can give us clues as to how they come at the world and narrow down their type for us.

Energy - Sensing The Force Field

In our attempt to discover another’s type, we can tap into our emotional intelligence and sense their energy or vital force. In blog posts to come, we'll examine descriptions of each type and how their energy or ‘force field’ feels to the rest of us. In so doing, we gain a map reading tool in finding another individual’s type on the Enneagram map.

It may be helpful in our understanding of the specific manifestation of the force field for each type to examine the triad, the underlying emotion, and the drive the emotion fuels. Most important, we will learn how to meet and honor other energies vis a vis their Enneagram types. Energy becomes a profound tool for understanding and connecting with others.