An Inquiry into Envy for All Enneagram Types

Envy. It’s an issue, indeed it is the passion or drive, for Enneagram type Four. So the rest of us don’t need to concern ourselves much with it. Or do we?

Barbara Arney, MA, presented an intriguing look into envy as a human drive that affects all the types at the recent International Enneagram Association meeting in San Francisco.

Through lecture and dyad exercises, we were able to discover how envy plays out in our lives, generally and vis a vis our Enneagram types. We learned about envying, but we explored what it is like to be envied and how disempowering that can be.

And surprisingly, we found that envy can offer us a gift. Opening to envy consciously can open us to what we thirst for in ourselves rather than looking outside for it in others.

Barbara posits that a major underlying force of envy involves a “fierce attraction to an external good while resisting the internal good.” We project (and we do not have to be Sixes to do this) our own good or desire for good onto others. When we take our inherent goodness and put it on others, we diminish ourselves.

Concurrently, when we envy someone we also diminish them by seeing only an idealized part of them rather than the complex, multifaceted being in front of us.

There’s hope, however. Whether experiencing the victimization of envy or being envied, Barbara tells us, we can avail ourselves of practices to develop a durable relationship with the Good.

Some of these practices include:
Grounding in the body - dropping into sensation and relaxation.

Centering exercises to steady the mind.

Recognizing your own reactivity of envy/envied: gossip, sarcasm, withdrawal, judgment, hatred, independence.

Keep an ongoing list of all the little fulfillments in your life.

Perhaps most important is to acknowledge your desire for good that is underneath your feelings of envy.

These practices seem simple. And they are. But they are not easy and we must be vigilant and diligent to change the patterns of envy in our lives. Only then may we be able to recognize and nurture the good in ourselves.

Of course, our first step is to notice when we are envying or being envied and our reactions. Self observation will enable us to notice its effects and allow us to embody the above practices to break envy’s insidious hold.

How, when, whom do you envy? How does envy manifest for you or your type? What are your reactions when others envy you? Let’s explore these questions together here in the comments.

More about Barbara Arney: She is a certified Enneagram instructor and corporate trainer/coach with the Rapid Change Group teaching brain-based tools to business. She is offering a virtual course/community called Women’s Ways: The Power of your Passions...A September Inquiry with the Enneagram. It includes conference calls each Wed. that are recorded, a centering CD, and two 30 minute coaching sessions, and more. For info, please contact Barbara directly at BarbaraA@comcast.net or on her Central time cell phone at 612-387-3399.

Finding Enneagram Type Via Hallmark Characteristics Part II

In this blog entry, we continue the exploration of the Hallmark characteristics of type for Types Four, Five, and Six.

Type Four - The Romantic

Characteristics

º Idealization of the distant, dissatisfaction with present reality
º Sense of something missing from life - others have it.
º Attachment to melancholy; deep feelings are more
important than mere happiness.
º Search for authenticity.
º Affinity with intense in life: birth, death, etc.
º Sense of being different than others, unique, special.
º Desire for emotional intensity - wants to be met emotionally.
º Attraction to beauty, strong aesthetic sense.
º Mood, manners, luxury, good taste as external boosts to
self-esteem.


Hallmark Characteristic
The hallmark or defining characteristic for the Romantic is the pervasive sense of something vital missing from his/her life. The Four doesn’t know what is missing, just that it is essential to her completeness. At different times, the Romantic may decide that the missing piece is a job or a person, even a place. S/he will fixate on this desired object, often until it becomes attainable, then discard it or feel dissatisfied when the feeling of “something missing” still remains.

Type Five - the Observer

Characteristics

º Privacy
º Maintaining non-involvement, withdraw and tighten
the belt as first line of defense.
º Delayed emotions. Feelings withheld until safely alone
º Compartmentalizing of time commitments in life.
º Wanting predictability - to know what will happen.
º Overvaluing self-control. “Drama is for lesser beings”
º Interest in special knowledge and systems
º Mental clarity, detachment from emotional bias


Hallmark Characteristic
The hallmark or defining characteristic of the Five Observer is detachment. The ability to disengage may be activated by a social event, a family discussion, a presentation or performance, or any interaction. Many Fives actually describe a separate “Observer self” located above or just behind him that watches him interact or perform. This keeps the Five from being overwhelmed by people, emotions, or other stimuli.


Type Six - the Loyal Skeptic

Characteristics

º Scan environment for clues that explain inner sense of threat
º Intuitive style of powerful imagination and single-pointed
attention, both natural to the fearful mind.
º Authority problems - distrust
º Identification with underdog causes
º Issues with incompletion - success is exposure to danger
º Suspicious of others’ motives: bullshit detectors
º Skepticism and doubt
º Analysis paralysis - thinking replaces doing
º Heightened fear when things are going well - when’s the other
shoe going to drop?


Hallmark Characteristic
The hallmark of the Loyal Skeptic involves seeing the downsides or dangers, almost immediately, whether it involves visualizing a worst case scenario in graphic detail or ferreting out hidden motives. While the reactions may differ: the Phobic or Flight Six may be fearful and avoiding danger while the Counterphobic or Fight Six may jump in with both feet to prove s/he can overcome potential pitfalls, both will have imagined the worst case. In the case of hidden motives, the Phobic Six may be watchful and wary while the Counterphobic Six will confront, poking and prodding to get the true colors shown.

Enneagram Signposts - Avoid Your Personality Hazards

As we travel the journey of self discovery, using our Enneagram map we find different obstacles for each of the nine types. How do we know when our personality is running us? If we are on autopilot, how do we make sure we notice it? A signpost would be helpful, sort of an alert on the map of potential obstacles ahead, a call to slow down so we can choose a response. These signposts are different for each of the types. They show up on our personal journey as a thought or a feeling or a sense inside us. They are like a form of inner self-talk. The signposts serve as alerts for each of the types that our personality in its default or automatic mode. As we learn the alerts most commonly associated to our Enneagram type, we can ask ourselves the following questions. As I notice these signposts along my personal journey, can I slow down and check the map? Can I then make the choice to continue along the same path consciously or perhaps choose another more suitable roadway - a detour around the automatic habit?

Type One - The Perfectionist: Sign #1: Caution, Resentment Ditch Ahead

An alert that the personality is in automatic mode occurs when the One finds himself feeling resentful or doing a slow burn. Key internal dialogue might include critical thoughts of others: that no one else is pulling their weight; no one else can do it as well as I, if I don’t do it it won’t get done, etc. Self talk may also revolve around the inner critic run amok. Notice if you are continually comparing yourself with others - they are doing it better/worse than you.

Sign #2: Completely Wrong Way

While it is natural for the One to “sort” the environment by noticing what is wrong, there is a tendency to see a relationship, project, house etc. as all wrong if a small part of it is flawed. The One may want to scrap the whole project or relationship and begin again, rather than salvaging what is still “right”. This philosophy of “throwing out the baby with the bath water” is a sure sign that the habitual mode of the personality is running things.

Type Two - The Giver: Sign #1 Lack Of Appreciation Hazard

“No one appreciates me.” “I just give and give, and for what?” Feeling unappreciated for all you’ve given or done is the main signpost for the Two. When it seems that you are continually giving, but no gratitude is shown or no one is giving anything in return, then you know that the default mode is running.

Sign #2 Adaptation Junction Coming Up

When you find that you are interested in a subject, hobby, music that you’ve never been interested in before, because someone you want to know better likes it, it is time to question whether you really want to pursue it. The Two wonders “Who should I be to guarantee your approval?” If you change your spots to match what you think another wants from you, you can be sure the habit is in full swing. Be wary if self-talk revolves around this person “bringing out another side” of you.


Type Three - The Performer: Sign #1 Spin Doctor Next Exit, Basic and Emergency Image Control

When you find yourself wondering “How can I put the spin on this to make me/project/team look good?” you know that the automatic mode is running. Looking outward for how others are perceiving you and how to turn your endeavor into a success pulls you away from asking yourself important questions: “Do I even want to do this project, be on this team, etc.”

Sign #2 Slow Role Play Ground Ahead

A tendency to “allow” others to think that you have accomplished more than you have is a warning sign for Threes. When you find yourself adapting to your surroundings in order to appear successful to others or feel that you are “playing a role” signals that self-deceit is operating to convince you that you are your role or your image.

Type Four - The Romantic: Sign #1 Important Part Of Life Missing Here and Now

The feeling that something is missing from life is a signpost for the Four. Finding yourself focusing on the ONE person, detail, thing that would make this moment perfect is a clue that the personality is indeed operating in its automatic mode. It is possible to miss what is happening here and now when you are longing for what is missing.

Sign #2 Unique Viewpoint Next Left

Another sign that the personality is operating in its habitual way is when the Four finds herself feeling different than others or feeling misunderstood. The focus on being unique and “apart from” results from the Romantic’s worldview and is a portent that the habit is in control.

A Call To Inaction
All of these signposts are a call to inaction, to stop and get your bearings, to stop driving on autopilot and assess the next direction. We slow down and look within. Where am I? Where is my attention? Is this my automatic mode running me? What is the appropriate course? This is more difficult than it appears, because the habit of the personality is very strong. It had to be to ensure our survival and functioning in the world. We sure don’t want to lose it or its gifts. We just don’t want it to be the only game in town, robbing us of conscious, informed choice.
Perhaps there is a way to elicit the help of our personality in breaking its stranglehold on our emotions, thoughts, sensations, and perceptions. What if we were to engage the habitual mode of our Enneagram type to break the automatic pattern that runs us? Each of the nine types has a unique way to trick our personality into helping us become more conscious of the default mode and our ability to choose our path. We’ll explore the signposts for types 5 through 9 next blog entry. (Adapted from “The Everyday Enneagram” by Lynette Sheppard.)