Oh Canada! Can We Change A Country’s Type?

Countries have an overlay of Enneagram type; a cultural bias that informs the worldview of its citizens. The United States is a Three culture (although lately we seem solidly stuck in the low side of Six: us vs them, analysis paralysis so that nothing gets done, suspicion and paranoia, etc.)

In a Three culture, image is important and doing is highly valued. The first question a new acquaintance will ask is “What do you do?” Americans are big on success, productivity, and looking good. This is fine unless, like an unconscious Three, we lose sight of our authentic self in the quest for success.

Threes do well in a Three culture. As do other high energy types. Some types, however, can feel like strangers in a strange land. Fives can feel overwhelmed and unsafe. Nines can feel undervalued for their significant gifts. Twos, particularly male twos, may overdevelop a wing point to keep from being seen as weak when exercising their gifts of empathy and helping. (We’re pretty much okay with women being empathetic givers.)

We recently visited friends in Canada. My Eight girlfriend asked me what I thought Canada was as a country and I replied Five. “Absolutely!” she declared.

“And if you think it is hard being a female Eight - try being a female Eight in a Five culture. It’s a relief to me to travel to the US to work because I can let more of my energy out. Particularly working in a male dominated world.”

Stories like this illustrate why it is important to look at type within countries and professions, as well as on an individual level. As self-observing leads to more conscious behavior and choice on and individual level, so might knowing the pitfalls and gifts of a country or workplace worldview lead to similar awakening and possible change.

When we break the trance of habitual perceiving, acting, and being, only then is transformation possible. Small sacred steps might be the answer. When we open ourselves to other types, other worldviews, we have the possibility of true understanding.

When we further allow the instincts of self-preservation, one-to-one connection, and social to be illuminated and thereby loosened in their grip upon us, we open a space for another way of being in the world.

How do we do this? Change the worldview of a country? A profession or workplace? Maybe what we really wish to do is simply increase awareness; the same thing the Enneagram teaches each of us. I sure would welcome a little more awareness here in the U.S.A.

A dear friend of mine, musician Christine Covington, wrote these song lyrics:
“I can’t change the world
Until I first change me.
I can't change the world til I change me.”

Self-observation and self-disclosure along with a huge helping of compassion might just be a good recipe to start. The ripples might move outward in ways we can only imagine. I’d love to hear your thoughts on how we might dream this big.

Dancing with the Enneagram Part I

The Enneagram is such a powerful map that it can help us in nearly every aspect of our daily lives. It helps us to understand ourselves (and grow ourselves.) And it helps us understand others’ internal landscapes enough to open a space for mutual connection and compassion. In other words, we don’t take everything another says or does personally when it is simply a reflection of a different, equally valid worldview.

I’ve been dancing hula for 12 years. In that space of time, I’ve had a total of five kumu hula or hula masters teach me. The Enneagram was invaluable in honoring each of them. And it saved me from confusion, hurt, and misunderstandings that inevitably develop when we believe everyone see the world in the same way.

My first hula teacher we’ll call him “N”, was a sweet, warm Six. He coaxed and coddled us. He never yelled. He reassured us that we would not die if we performed in public by foreseeing the worst that could happen, naming it, and letting us know we’d still survive. He was the perfect teacher for a tentative beginner.

However N would not appear on video because he believed that people might get hold of it and misuse it. He was never clear quite how or why. Knowing he was a Six made it easy for me to understand how scary this might be and to just let it go, even though so many other Kumu Hula were allowing students to use new technology to reinforce learning with the understanding that they were not to share it.

Some of my hula sisters had no map for understanding and were irritable, challenging him on his rule. Which only reinforced that nothing good could come of this. Already it was causing problems.

My favorite Six story about N is this: we were invited to the opening of a sacred site that had been restored as a hula platform high on a hill overlooking our whole island. Another hula master’s halau (school) had initiated the restoration and invited a few halaus and many elders to this ceremony.

Each hula master was to chant or oli a prayer. When it came N’s turn, he blanched and said, “I can’t. I can’t chant in front of him, he’s a hula master.”

“You can do it,” I whispered. “Remember, you’re a hula master, too.” He looked startled, then walked up and delivered his chant. I think he actually “forgot” that he was an equal to the other Kumu Hula there.

I’d heard about Kumu F long before I met him. “It’s all about him,” claimed a friend. “He’s got to be the center of attention.”

The more I heard, the more I fashioned him in my mind as a Three. I was prepared.

The first evening of a week long intensive, he gathered us together. “You need to know a couple of things about me,” he said. “#1, It’s my way or the highway. #2 I tend to be blunt and to the point. Deal with it. #3 There’s no crying in hula.”

I still dance with this wonderful, strong Eight Kumu once a year. Some say he is arrogant. Perhaps, but I’d say he’s accomplished. As a historian, singer-songwriter, educator and cultural resource, even elders defer to him. (Elders in Hawai`i are the top of the food chain, just the opposite of our mainland American culture.)

Dealing with him, I didn’t take it personally when he corrected us strongly. In comparison to N, it might have seemed harsh. But he was merely being blunt and clear. Most important, I would meet his energy. There’s no crying in hula, after all.

As I knew him longer, I began to see the move to Two as a large part of him. As an Eight, he hated anyone to call attention to his loving care and attention. So I learned acceptance of his gifts without too much thank you or gushing.

My favorite Eight to Two story? He had written a poignant good-bye song for a dear friend’s death. We were to learn and perform it for the first time that week. As we practiced over and over, the energy in the room became sad and heavy. We were lost in grief as we danced.

“Okay,” he snapped. “That’s it. Go change clothes. We need a mood change - time for chocolate, coffee, and shopping. Get moving, we leave in 10 minutes.”

After our antioxidant and retail therapy, we were able to continue dancing and expressing the emotion of the song without being overwhelmed by it. Gut knowing and caretaking. Eight meets Two.

There is a Hawaii`ian proverb about hula: A`ohe pau ka `ike i ka halau ho`okahi which translates as “not all knowledge is taught in one school.” And as we Enneagram enthusiasts know: not all reality is contained in one type or worldview. When we open to other ways of perceiving and being in the world, we are expanding our experience, of ourselves and one another.

Stay tuned for Part 2 where I am lucky enough to learn hula from a Five, a Three, and a Nine.

Enneagram Practice: Sometimes It’s Better To Receive

My husband, Dewitt, and I recently traveled to Europe for a combination of work and pleasure. Our first stop was France, so I dutifully brushed up on my traveler’s French, so that I could at least attempt to honor the language and culture that I was visiting.

And as my husband so aptly pointed out, one needs to be careful about speaking her piece well. Because when a French person answers you, it will be in rapid, colloquial language. And you will understand only a fraction of what you are receiving.
What has happened is that with quickie learning CD’s and the like, we’ve learned how to send a message but not necessarily how to receive it. This happens oh so frequently even when speaking our own language. In our own culture. We are gifted at sending but oftentimes, we fail at receiving.

And it happens when we interact with someone who inhabits a different Enneagram type than our own. Learning about the Enneagram types gives us a quickie course in culture, language, and worldview. But just because we might be conversant in the guidebook that the Enneagram offers, does not mean that we understand this other type, this other person.

The Enneagram, when used to its fullest, is about receiving. And receiving and receiving and receiving. We may be very good at sending, but sending messages does not enhance our understanding. Receiving does. Listening does. Asking for assistance in navigating and understanding another’s world does.

Receiving requires a passive, accepting stance. Culturally, in the U.S. at least, we are not educated in or applauded for taking such a stance. Ask any Nine who has had to “ramp up” to fit in to our Threeish milieu.

Here’s a practice we can all try. When next we are in communication with another whether we knew their Enneagram predilection or not, let’s just listen. Let’s experiment by trying to receive without sending. Sure, ask questions to help clarify the receiving when appropriate, but let’s just open a receptive space to experience another culture.

Let’s report back here and share how this felt. For us. The Enneagram is not about collecting knowledge or esoterica. It IS about understanding, empathy, and experiencing another as they experience themselves. I for one, look forward to the day when we no longer need the Enneagram guidebook to develop compassion and understanding, when empathy with one another will be as natural as breathing. Maybe not in my lifetime. Then again, maybe......................

Is Simon Cowell An Eight? Typing Famous People

I read recently that Simon Cowell on American Idol is an Eight. Because he’s blunt and brutally honest. While that indeed is a characteristic attributed to Eights, any of us can exhibit that same trait given the right set of circumstances. I acted that way myself when I was head nurse in an Intensive Care Unit. And I’m a Seven with a Six wing.

My own best guess about Simon Cowell is that he is a Four. (I have my reasons but they don't matter.) When confronted by the host of the show, Ryan Seacrest, a few weeks ago, Simon shrunk back from the conflict, muttering that it was “uncomfortable.” Most Eights will rise to such an occasion, ready for a good battle. For the same reason, some other Enneagram aficionados believe he’s a Six.

Really, though, I don’t know Simon Cowell. I have no idea what his Enneagram type is. I like his bluntness, wherever it comes from.

I’ll admit it. Attempting to type famous people is fun. Think of it as an ennea exercise, practicing our understanding of the hallmarks of type. But that’s all it is.

I am always amazed (and a little chagrined) when Enneagram enthusiasts, authors, and others claim to know definitively the type of some famous person. I know that I’ve fallen into the same trap myself in the past.

The truth is that unless we personally know said famous person AND that they have confirmed for us their type, we have no idea of their Enneagram proclivity.

Sure, we can see traits and characteristics. We can even feel energy, an individual’s force field, which supplies more clues as to type. But as any good Enneagram observer will tell you, we don’t know diddly about how a person truly feels inside unless s/he tells us.

The Enneagram describes nine very different ways of perceiving, acting, and being in the world. Each of these unique viewpoints stems from an internal worldview based on a set of assumptions and beliefs about what it takes to survive and thrive. For example, the Eight worldview can be rather simplistically described as “The World is A Jungle and Only The Strong Survive.” The Nines believe the world is at its best when we are One with everything and harmony rules. And so on.

From the outside, it is difficult if not impossible to tell another’s type. Time and again, I’ve worked with families who were conversant with the Enneagram (even Enneagram teachers) and did not realize the inner landscape of the members of their own close nuclear family. This underscores for me the best use of the Enneagram as an invitation to understanding through inquiry. “How is it for you?” we might ask, creating an open space for learning about another.

My teachers, Helen Palmer and David Daniels, conducted panels of type (as do all of us certified in the Narrative Tradition of the Enneagram). Their greatest skill (and gift) was approaching each person on a panel with the curiosity and openness of a child. Although they were “experts”, they questioned as if they had no idea what a given person of a known type might say. Hence, we continually learned more about type and individuals. By genuinely wishing to understand another’s internal terrain, they avoided typing or stereotyping vis a vis a given set of external traits.

My son is a Nine. He knows his own internal landscape well, having learned the Enneagram at a very early age. Still, looking at him from the outside when he is working at his high pressure, high profile job, it would be tempting to see him as a Three. He exhibits the adaptability, productivity, and selling charm of a Three. But when he goes home at night, it’s back to Nine land. When he is anxious about something, he looks like the archetype of Six as he scans for danger and worst case scenario. And then he returns to home base: Nine.

So whether we are looking at famous people or our own best friend, it’s important to remember that traits don’t make the man. Or the woman. Any of us might exhibit any trait in a given situation. WHY we do it is much more telling. And the only way we’ll know...... is to ask.

U.S.A.: Has a Three Culture Moved to Six?

Most Enneagram experts have identified the United States as a Threeish culture. We as a nation believe in success, productivity, and the power of image. Our cosmology could be summed up in two of our more successful ad campaigns: Nike’s “Just Do It” and Canon’s “Image is Everything.” As a whole, we ‘ve traditionally been an upbeat, can-do country, if a little too self-absorbed and self-congratulatory.

These days, however, the USA looks much more Sixish, boomeranging between counterphobic and phobic, fearful of just about everything. We could blame the press (which has always been counterphobic) or the 24-7 “entertain-news” on television.

We could foist responsibility on eight years of a counterphobic Sixish administration advocating certainty as an admirable leadership trait or a distinct “us vs them” philosophy in dealing with other nations, cultures, or religions.

We could point to the shock of 9-11 as the beginning of our move from Three to Six. All of these may indeed be factors. However, it is likely that there is more to it.

Six is not the stress point for Three; that would be Nine. Still we can access the high or low side of any of the points available to us: heart, stress, and wings. And right now the U.S. seems solidly in the low side of Six.

We citizens have become cynical and pessimistic. We don’t believe our government officials are trustworthy. And we look for every opportunity to debunk them as authority. We are similarly disillusioned with our free market and private enterprise given the recent meltdown of our economy.

The government itself suffers from analysis paralysis and very little seems to get done. (Although we may actually get health care reform......)

When I talk with friends and acquaintances of any political leanings, they profess fear of change and fear of the status quo in the same breath. When I ask what we as a nation should do in any given situation, they blink like deer in the headlights or reiterate what is wrong with any idea put forth by government, private enterprise, or pundits.

We are lost in an “us vs them” mentality, both abroad and here at home. It’s the U.S. against jihadists and those who won’t stand with us. It’s naturalized citizens vs illegal (and sometimes legal) immigrants. It’s Republican vs Democrat and liberal vs conservative. And we are not even civil in our debate or certainty.

Does the U.S. need to return to its former Threeness to recover? Perhaps not. We might be able to avail ourselves of the high side of Six for starters. The ability to unite and work tirelessly for a cause, loyalty to a higher purpose, trouble shooting to avoid pitfalls while moving ahead toward an ideal worth manifesting, egalitarian acceptance of others, and a deep understanding of the strength in numbers that can bring us all together.

Has America lost its Three overlay? Are we solidly in the Six worldview? Is there a prescription for what ails us and what might it be? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Mountain Highs and Lows Enneagram Style

Every summer I migrate to a mountain town situated on a stunning alpine lake. A town, community, or region will exhibit its own overlay of Enneagram type and my warm weather home is no different. I move from my Niney home in Molokai, Hawaii to Sevenish South Lake Tahoe.

It’s a bit of a culture shock when I first arrive. The people are chatty, perky, and almost unbearably upbeat. I AM a Seven, but it still is hard for me. I’ve settled so deeply into my Nine home where people don’t talk a lot, don’t care what you do, and like to just hang out, eat, and enjoy music.

There are multiple activities, parties, and events. Rarely does a day pass without an invitation or five. And if you hire someone to build, repair, or do something? Or commit to attending your event? Well, they may or may not make it. In this recreational paradise, the siren song of something better to do is always exerting a pull.

It is so prevalent that locals have a phrase for it: they call it “getting Tahoed” when people don’t show up as scheduled. It’s frustrating but in true Seven fashion, it is just reframed in a more positive light as one of the costs of living in outdoor recreation heaven.

Contrast this mountain town with Aspen, Colorado - Threeish mecca of movie stars, moguls, and millionaires. The first time I went to Aspen, I met no fewer than four beauty queens in the first two hours. Names were dropping like snowflakes. Everyone had predicates up the kazoo and no one was shy about letting you know who they were. I can’t remember when I’ve seen so many beautiful, seemingly accomplished people in one place. It was glittery, exciting, and utterly exhausting.

At least, Tahoe and Aspen know who they are for now. There is tension when a town begins to morph or change into a new Enneagram style. Some years ago, I was asked to do a book signing in Sun Valley, Idaho. Like Aspen and Tahoe, this small mountain town is a hiking and skiing paradise.

The day after the book signing, I taught an all day Enneagram class to a group of Sun Valley residents. We began discussing the Enneagram styles of towns and regions. There was a distinct split among the old-timers and the folks relatively new to the area. Those who’d lived there fifteen or more years decried the changes in their community from a “fun-loving, anything goes” attitude to a more “status conscious, flashy” demeanor.

The newcomers thought it was just “hip” and “cool”, even “special”. They loved that big stars now acted in the local theatre and that people found it a “destination”. Yet they began to see how change was chafing at some and that Sun Valley was experiencing growing pains. While the old-timers began to acknowledge that not all of the growth was bad.

Knowing the pluses and minuses of our own Enneagram styles helps us navigate and grow ourselves. Ditto for the regions we live in whose Enneagram overlay affects us in ways we may not realize when unconscious of their impacts. As we become more aware, we are less likely to fall prey to the downsides or lows of our own Enneagram types and of the overlays of the regions in which we live. And we can celebrate the gifts or highs of the same.

Traveling To Other Cultures - Enneagram Style

Meeting another who inhabits an Enneagram type different from our own is indeed like traveling to another land or culture. Here are a few more hints to aid us in understanding and honoring one another.

Travelers Hint # 2: When in Rome, Do As the Romans Do

Honor the culture that you are visiting. Learn enough of the customs, language, and energetics of emotional intelligence for the land that you are visiting. This is easier than we initially think. Remember that we all had the potential of all nine types in us at the beginning, so shifting our worldview takes paying attention and being fully present. At some level, it is not a completely unknown territory. We can learn by immersing ourselves in another culture, another worldview. We will only be richer for it. Here’s an example:

My friend Bronwyn Cooke was on assignment for National Geographic photographing a group of women who live high in the Himalayan peaks in Hunza, Pakistan. Bronwyn spoke not a word of their language, nor did these women speak any English. Very little information was available about their culture, customs, etc. (That’s why the Geographic sent Bronwyn there.) Bronwyn wondered anxiously how she would communicate, much less take any photographs. Then she “forgot” what she knew and responded in the moment. She saw a woman come out of a hut, pour water into a bowl and begin to wash carefully. Bronwyn went over to the woman and gazed at her when the woman locked eyes with her and smiled. Quite naturally, Bronwyn simply began to bathe with her. They smiled and shared a common experience. When Bronwyn finally raised her camera as the woman was braiding her hair, she smiled her consent to the photographs. Through openness and a willingness to explore, following the lead of the cultural expert, Bronwyn had no trouble communicating and building a relationship.

Meeting someone where s/he lives involves letting go momentarily of what we “know” and exploring the world s/he inhabits. We can immerse ourselves in the culture of another by entering their worldview and experiencing it from within.



Travelers Hint # 3: Leave Your Own Country Behind

Travel lightly. Your own baggage will only cloud things, so leave as much of it behind as you can. If you do take your own history and worldview into a communication of cultures, do so from a learning perspective, as an invitation to open inquiry. “I see it like ... How is this for you?” “Is this a Three thing?” “A Nine thing?” “It looks like x is happening, is that true?” “What is your experience of this?” We can communicate even in another culture that we are very unfamiliar with by openness and presence, and leaving behind for a moment our Enneagram “country” or culture.
Cultural misunderstandings can occur from seemingly small gestures or communications, such as pointing your toes at a Thai person. It’s no different when different Enneagram cultures meet in relationship. Nowhere is this more important than in intimate relationship. It often seems that the little things are what may make or break a relationship. Misunderstanding can result from tiny details of everyday life, if we only view reality from our own perspective and miss the view from our intimate’s perspective. Scores of little misunderstandings result in cultural conflict and standoffs. We often act like the stereotypical “ugly American” visiting another culture, believing that repeating our viewpoint or speaking our language more loudly will make us understood. These little misunderstandings can expand into major difficulties in relationship. Our best bet is to drop our automatic reference point and open to that of our intimate’s. We can enlist our partner’s help in learning and seeing reality from their view, and a mutual expansion of “reality” can result. Let me illustrate with two “little things” from my relationship.

I am a Seven and my husband is an Three. It is important to him to present the right image, especially in his work, speaking to corporations. Often he will come to me bearing three wonderful ties, all of which match his current outfit. “Which one should I wear?” From my own viewpoint of Seven, they all look good, so it doesn’t matter. Yet, if I were to answer from this, it would completely dishonor his viewpoint. I try to see for a moment from the Three perspective - and tie selection seems critically important from that viewpoint.
He is having an image crisis, this tie selection is a survival issue. In order to truly honor him, I must realize this, take a deep breath, and really turn my complete attention to choosing one. And surprisingly, I find that it takes no more time to honor his viewpoint than to substantiate mine. (Notice that I turned my attention to choosing the tie - we are back to noticing and directing attention as we did in our self-development work.)

I on the other hand, am driven by fear. (Remember Sevens are the fear type who “forgot” they were afraid.) We were driving in a torrential downpour one late Florida night. My goal-directed spouse was passing all the obstacles on the highway, determined to reach our airport destination. The other cars were simply in the way. I succumbed to fear, seeing crumpled steel and our broken bodies in my imagination. Finally I could stand it no longer. “Could you slow down a little?” I asked shakily. Dewitt looked over at me and in a rapid shift of perspectives declared, “Oh my god, you’re scared, aren’t you?” I nodded as he took his foot off the gas and coasted in behind a truck in the slow lane. “It would never occur to me to be scared, I feel in complete control of the situation. Still it is never my intention to frighten you. I simply don’t operate from fear. I only want to get there. But hey, we aren’t really late, and it doesn’t matter that much to me.” Before knowing the Enneagram and the difference in our “cultures”, Dewitt felt that he might have just said “Oh that’s stupid. There’s nothing to be afraid of, I’m in complete control. Don’t worry.” and just kept passing the obstacles. It would have been the perfect set-up for a major blow-up - all from a tiny misunderstanding of worldviews.

Stay tuned for more traveler’s hints in the next blog entry.
(Material partially adapted from "The Everyday Enneagram" by Lynette Sheppard.)

Viva la Difference - An Enneagram Guidebook

I just returned from a working vacation in France. As always, when I travel to an unfamiliar land, I tried to learn as much as I could to honor the culture I was visiting. That wasn’t too difficult in the case of France, since I am an avid Francophile. It’s a little harder when I travel to a place that I have little in common with or know little about.

Relating to another personality type is much like visiting another culture or country. The Points on the Enneagram are like Nine different countries, each with its own worldview, values, and belief systems. In order to communicate with or visit one of these “countries,” we need to learn a little about the language, customs, and cosmology. We must discover and enter the prevailing culture of each type. Only then can we begin to honor one another’s unique differences and celebrate our human diversity.

Suppose you are to visit Thailand. You’ve never been there and you’d like to experience the culture. You begin by obtaining and studying a detailed map: a guidebook. You learn a little about the geography and beauty of the land. You might learn a little of the language and some of the customs and taboos. You discover that you must never point your foot at a Thai person, or touch them on the head, as these gestures are considered rude and insulting in the extreme. As a visitor to the culture, you want to be sure to honor the Thai people.

Yet even if you were to read every Thailand guidebook in existence, you would still know only a very little bit about any individual Thai person. The rest of your experience of this unfamiliar culture would best be served by attentive exploration with an open heart and mind.

If we approach our interactions with others as a journey to a new culture, with much to offer and teach us, we truly find a path with heart. The Enneagram map acts as a travel guide to assist us in our exploration.

Let us start our guidebook with some generic “Travelers Hints” to prepare our minds and hearts for open exploration. These hints may help us to leave behind the cultural bias of our own Enneagram type long enough to truly appreciate another worldview. We’ve learned through work in self-development with the Inner Observer how to recognize and stand back from our automatic mode. This creates an “open space” in our internal landscape where learning and appreciating another culture can take place. Our first step is to let go of what we know.

“Travelers Hint # 1: There is no such thing as “Objective Reality”

Each of us is so used to living in our own culture, our own personality that we have come to believe this is reality. All nine worldviews are equally entrenched in believing they know the truth of objective reality. A Six “knows” that the world is an inherently dangerous place, and that vigilance and plans are your best chance of attaining security. A Nine “knows” that good things come to those who wait; most things work out for the best anyway, so why worry and rush around when it feels so much better to be peaceful. An Eight “knows” that only the strong survive in this jungle we call life and that the truth will out in a good fight. A Four “knows” that authenticity is only to be found in deep feeling and intense emotional connection. Reality is colored and created by our perceptual bias. In fact, we actually sort information to support our worldview, ignoring or filtering out contradictory evidence.

When solidly fixed in our own Enneagram point of view it can be difficult to remember that a person inhabiting another type has a separate but equal “objective reality.” For this reason, it is important that we continue to step back from our default mode, and question our own perspective. We attribute feelings and thoughts to our others based on the cues we observe from them. Yet these cues are nearly always filtered through our habitual personality or worldview. As we endeavor to communicate with and honor others, we can enlist their aid in corroborating or correcting the assumptions of our worldview. We can notice how often we are off the mark, and begin a process of inquiry to learn another’s “objective reality.” More Traveler’s Hints will be offered in the next blog entry. (material partially adapted from “The Everyday Enneagram” by Lynette Sheppard.)

The Enneagram of Place

People are not the only demonstration of the nine types of the Enneagram. Countries and cultures have distinct personalities that overlay and occasionally even overshadow individual type. When we travel to another region, ideally we wish to be sensitive to the prevailing customs, mores, and worldview. Such an understanding allows us to honor the culture we are visiting. While the Enneagram in no way offers a comprehensive view of a particular place, its map provides us with a good first step to navigating our way skillfully within another culture.

Case in point:
I live on Moloka`i a small island in the Hawai`ian chain. On paper, this rural paradise`i is part of the United States. In reality and Enneagramically, it could not be farther from the prevailing culture and mindset of America.

The United States is a Three culture, through and through. Two of the most popular ad campaigns highlight our worldview: “Image is Everything” (Canon) and “Just Do It” (Nike). In the U.S., we strive, produce, and succeed. We set goals and work hard to get ahead. We are what we do and the image we present to the outside world. Even those of us who are not genuine Threes fall prey to the overlay of our culture. As a result, Americans work longer and have less leisure time than the majority of their contemporaries in other industrialized nations. We may be stressed out, but we sure can get things done.

Fifteen years ago, I immigrated to Moloka`i. I say “immigrated” because I might as well be an expatriate in a totally different country. I left a competitive Three world and found myself in a social Nine milieu. Hard work is certainly valued here, especially when it is in service to a group gathering. I’ve seen men and women labor long, prodigiously, and cooperatively to put on a lu`au or party. But the end goal is to “hang out” together and relax. Just being and enjoying life is of the highest value. No one tries to shine or outdo another. Calling attention to oneself or one’s accomplishments is frowned upon. (Which can be tough for Hawai`ian Threes, who naturally stand out from the crowd. Just as the U.S. Three culture does not highly value a Nine’s “being”, Hawai`i does not support a Three’s goal-oriented “doing”).

This contrast in styles was brought home to us in a most striking way one Christmas Day a few years back. We were invited to a Hawai`ian home for lunch, a typical gathering of a couple hundred people. Music was playing, kids were running around, and tables were loaded with food. We sat at picnic tables set up in the yard outside. After the requisite kissing and hugging (a ritual which can literally take 30 minutes to an hour) everyone filled their plates and we quietly sat together and ate. Few words are exchanged save murmurs of appreciation or offers of more food. After a couple of hours, we kissed and hugged everyone again, bidding Merry Christmas and aloha.

We were invited to another friend’s home for dinner. 12 people in all attended, most visiting from the mainland. When we arrived (still stuffed from our Hawai`ian lunch), we were greeted effusively by all our friends. “What have you been doing?” was the most frequent opening question. The energy was high and upbeat, information was being exchanged at lightspeed, laughter and chatter filled the air. After a fabulous meal and catching up on everyone’s busy lives, we took our leave. As we left, my husband remarked, “Americans are exhausting. I love our mainland friends, but they’re exhausting. Hawai`ians are relaxing.”

As we blend more into our adopted culture, we are much more aware of the “Three-ness” of the U.S. And we can’t help that we’ve become more Niney, adapting to the worldview that bathes and surrounds us. There’s no judgment here. Both cultures have much to offer, both have their strengths and weaknesses, as do we all. Still, making the “switch” requires keen observation, listening, and awareness so that we may honor the Enneagram overlay and worldview, wherever we are.

Note: I am a Seven and my husband is a Three. We joke that since moving to Moloka`i, he’s been more like a Nine and I’ve been more like a Five, as we adapt to our chosen homeland.