Oh Canada! Can We Change A Country’s Type?

Countries have an overlay of Enneagram type; a cultural bias that informs the worldview of its citizens. The United States is a Three culture (although lately we seem solidly stuck in the low side of Six: us vs them, analysis paralysis so that nothing gets done, suspicion and paranoia, etc.)

In a Three culture, image is important and doing is highly valued. The first question a new acquaintance will ask is “What do you do?” Americans are big on success, productivity, and looking good. This is fine unless, like an unconscious Three, we lose sight of our authentic self in the quest for success.

Threes do well in a Three culture. As do other high energy types. Some types, however, can feel like strangers in a strange land. Fives can feel overwhelmed and unsafe. Nines can feel undervalued for their significant gifts. Twos, particularly male twos, may overdevelop a wing point to keep from being seen as weak when exercising their gifts of empathy and helping. (We’re pretty much okay with women being empathetic givers.)

We recently visited friends in Canada. My Eight girlfriend asked me what I thought Canada was as a country and I replied Five. “Absolutely!” she declared.

“And if you think it is hard being a female Eight - try being a female Eight in a Five culture. It’s a relief to me to travel to the US to work because I can let more of my energy out. Particularly working in a male dominated world.”

Stories like this illustrate why it is important to look at type within countries and professions, as well as on an individual level. As self-observing leads to more conscious behavior and choice on and individual level, so might knowing the pitfalls and gifts of a country or workplace worldview lead to similar awakening and possible change.

When we break the trance of habitual perceiving, acting, and being, only then is transformation possible. Small sacred steps might be the answer. When we open ourselves to other types, other worldviews, we have the possibility of true understanding.

When we further allow the instincts of self-preservation, one-to-one connection, and social to be illuminated and thereby loosened in their grip upon us, we open a space for another way of being in the world.

How do we do this? Change the worldview of a country? A profession or workplace? Maybe what we really wish to do is simply increase awareness; the same thing the Enneagram teaches each of us. I sure would welcome a little more awareness here in the U.S.A.

A dear friend of mine, musician Christine Covington, wrote these song lyrics:
“I can’t change the world
Until I first change me.
I can't change the world til I change me.”

Self-observation and self-disclosure along with a huge helping of compassion might just be a good recipe to start. The ripples might move outward in ways we can only imagine. I’d love to hear your thoughts on how we might dream this big.

Dancing with the Enneagram Part 2

As a hula dancer, it has been my privilege to learn from a number of amazing Kumu Hula or hula masters. As I mentioned in Part I, I recounted how knowing the Enneagram literally saved me when learning hula from different instructors. When I had an understanding of my teacher’s worldview or inner cosmology, I was less vulnerable to misunderstanding or hurt feelings. In my last post, I shared about a Six and an Eight. Here in Part 2, you’ll meet a Five, a Three, and a Nine.

When my first hula teacher passed away unexpectedly, our group was “inherited” by a Five kumu hula - I’ll call her R. Knowing her to be a gifted but demanding teacher, we were quite literally quaking in our pa`u (hula skirts).

She didn’t disappoint us. Right out of the box, she pushed and prodded us to moves more difficult than we thought we could ever perform. R never raised her voice, but to be the recipient of “the look” of icy disapproval spurred us all to become better dancers. The party was over. And we would do anything to avoid that look. (A hula halau is really a small family. I’ve heard a number of Fives on panels remark that they can be quite bossy and controlling in the comfort of their own families.)

As we became more proficient, more shy smiles and laughter were bestowed upon us. Rarely, we got a “that was beautiful.” Our group began winning the annual competition for our age group. We were not just enjoying hula, we were becoming better dancers.

My most illustrative Five story of her is this one. We were attending Merrie Monarch, the annual hula olympics held in Hilo, Hawaii. The young girls were entered in the competition. At the conclusion of the 4 day festival, all the Kumu Hula were invited up on stage to be introduced and feted.

R runs our hula halau with her Kumu Hula sister, M, who is a Three. M does fundraising and is the front person for the group while R choreographs and trains us. When the announcer called for them to come up on stage together, up comes M... and A! A is another Kumu Hula from Molokai, who pitches in during Merrie Monarch. R would not come out nor be seen.

We dubbed her “The Invisible Kumu”, even though virtually none of my hula sisters know the Enneagram. Every year that our group participates in this festival, A comes up on stage as R. Most of the other Kumu Hula know, as do we, who R really is. No one lets the kitten out of the bag. We all respect her need for privacy and space. I’ve grown to love her dearly, although she is still reserved with all of us.

H, one of my hula teachers, is a Three. At 83 years of age, she can outbend, outsway, and outlast any of her younger students. She yells at us to “Ai ha`a. Bend lower. You look like a bunch of sticks out there dancing.”

How we look is all important to H, as it is a direct reflection on her. I have to say that she is far and away the best hula fashionista. (K, our beloved Six, used to say “Ladies, ladies. Wear anything. It’s not about what you’re wearing. It’s about the dance.) The Three would never say that.

Now hula clothes by definition are not your normal apparel. Bright colors with huge flower prints are a mainstay. Color combos range from unusual to downright startling. Often, the halau gets to help choose fabric for outfits. (Although democracy in this case can be a bad idea.)

H simply told us what we would wear after carefully choosing colors that looked good on all of us. I have to say it, we looked great. And our hour long practices often stretched into two or three hours if we were to perform. She never expects more from us than she’ll give herself. Even now.

Finally, I’ve been blessed to learn most recently from a lovely Nine. G is kind and gentle in the extreme, yet corrects us by demonstrating how the dance should appear. We learn from her by emulating. She dances with us. She may be the most graceful hula dancer I’ve seen. And I’ve seen a lot.

As for conflicts? Regarding just about anything: scheduling, clothes, you name it? “Oh,” she laughs. “I’m not good with that. Talk to S.” [our bossy hula sister who does all the scut work. Loudly.] “She’ll take care of it.”

She seems to have no favorites, loving and embracing each of us equally. She gives feedback via her iPad, videoing us and letting us watch ourselves to see what works and what doesn’t. (She’s a high tech Kumu, but it allows her to help us without criticizing.)

And speaking of favorites, which is my favorite Kumu? All of them! The Enneagram illuminates the gifts of each and helps me understand each Kumu’s point of view. Somehow, knowing the Enneagram makes me appreciate them more deeply. And I don’t take it personally when they teach me coming from their own perspectives rather than mine or one I might expect. I’d love to learn from all Nine types if I could. For now, I’ll just revel in being part of a greater dance.

Dancing with the Enneagram Part I

The Enneagram is such a powerful map that it can help us in nearly every aspect of our daily lives. It helps us to understand ourselves (and grow ourselves.) And it helps us understand others’ internal landscapes enough to open a space for mutual connection and compassion. In other words, we don’t take everything another says or does personally when it is simply a reflection of a different, equally valid worldview.

I’ve been dancing hula for 12 years. In that space of time, I’ve had a total of five kumu hula or hula masters teach me. The Enneagram was invaluable in honoring each of them. And it saved me from confusion, hurt, and misunderstandings that inevitably develop when we believe everyone see the world in the same way.

My first hula teacher we’ll call him “N”, was a sweet, warm Six. He coaxed and coddled us. He never yelled. He reassured us that we would not die if we performed in public by foreseeing the worst that could happen, naming it, and letting us know we’d still survive. He was the perfect teacher for a tentative beginner.

However N would not appear on video because he believed that people might get hold of it and misuse it. He was never clear quite how or why. Knowing he was a Six made it easy for me to understand how scary this might be and to just let it go, even though so many other Kumu Hula were allowing students to use new technology to reinforce learning with the understanding that they were not to share it.

Some of my hula sisters had no map for understanding and were irritable, challenging him on his rule. Which only reinforced that nothing good could come of this. Already it was causing problems.

My favorite Six story about N is this: we were invited to the opening of a sacred site that had been restored as a hula platform high on a hill overlooking our whole island. Another hula master’s halau (school) had initiated the restoration and invited a few halaus and many elders to this ceremony.

Each hula master was to chant or oli a prayer. When it came N’s turn, he blanched and said, “I can’t. I can’t chant in front of him, he’s a hula master.”

“You can do it,” I whispered. “Remember, you’re a hula master, too.” He looked startled, then walked up and delivered his chant. I think he actually “forgot” that he was an equal to the other Kumu Hula there.

I’d heard about Kumu F long before I met him. “It’s all about him,” claimed a friend. “He’s got to be the center of attention.”

The more I heard, the more I fashioned him in my mind as a Three. I was prepared.

The first evening of a week long intensive, he gathered us together. “You need to know a couple of things about me,” he said. “#1, It’s my way or the highway. #2 I tend to be blunt and to the point. Deal with it. #3 There’s no crying in hula.”

I still dance with this wonderful, strong Eight Kumu once a year. Some say he is arrogant. Perhaps, but I’d say he’s accomplished. As a historian, singer-songwriter, educator and cultural resource, even elders defer to him. (Elders in Hawai`i are the top of the food chain, just the opposite of our mainland American culture.)

Dealing with him, I didn’t take it personally when he corrected us strongly. In comparison to N, it might have seemed harsh. But he was merely being blunt and clear. Most important, I would meet his energy. There’s no crying in hula, after all.

As I knew him longer, I began to see the move to Two as a large part of him. As an Eight, he hated anyone to call attention to his loving care and attention. So I learned acceptance of his gifts without too much thank you or gushing.

My favorite Eight to Two story? He had written a poignant good-bye song for a dear friend’s death. We were to learn and perform it for the first time that week. As we practiced over and over, the energy in the room became sad and heavy. We were lost in grief as we danced.

“Okay,” he snapped. “That’s it. Go change clothes. We need a mood change - time for chocolate, coffee, and shopping. Get moving, we leave in 10 minutes.”

After our antioxidant and retail therapy, we were able to continue dancing and expressing the emotion of the song without being overwhelmed by it. Gut knowing and caretaking. Eight meets Two.

There is a Hawaii`ian proverb about hula: A`ohe pau ka `ike i ka halau ho`okahi which translates as “not all knowledge is taught in one school.” And as we Enneagram enthusiasts know: not all reality is contained in one type or worldview. When we open to other ways of perceiving and being in the world, we are expanding our experience, of ourselves and one another.

Stay tuned for Part 2 where I am lucky enough to learn hula from a Five, a Three, and a Nine.

Enneagram iPhone App: Know Your Type

Want to find the nearest sushi restaurant? There’s an app for that. Want to take credit cards using your iPhone? There’s an app for that. Want to have a quick but comprehensive reference to the Enneagram? There’s an app for that too!

"Know Your Type" is a wonderfully designed iPhone application that acts as game, learning tool, and handy reference. For 2.99, you can discover your type, learn self-development strategies, manage inter-type conflict, and so much more.



The interface is clean and easy to navigate. There are even videos of each of the nine types explaining personality from the inside.

Developed by Ginger Lapid-Bogda, PhD (The Enneagram in Business), this feature rich powerhouse of an app is a must have for any Enneagram enthusiast. And if you don’t have an iPhone? It works just as well with the iPad or iPod touch. Check it out in the App Store.

Enneagram Errors Part Deux

In the last blog entry we examined some Enneagrammatical errors that commonly affect or afflict us. Here are a few more errors that are natural and easy to fall into. With naming, a little vigilance, and some focused attention, they won’t catch us unaware.

Enneagram Evangelism. Being Too Enthused About the Enneagram

If I had a nickel for every time someone told me how they were turned off completely to the Enneagram by some well meaning friend/spouse/coworker bombarding them with enneagram enthusiasm, well, I’d have a roomful of nickels. And I hate rolling those things in wrappers so I’d just have to live with them. (Yes, I live rurally and my bank’s coin sorter is rarely working.)

Seriously though, this is a real Enneagrammatical error. The horror on someone’s face when I tell them that I teach and consult with the Enneagram of personality is not feigned. Generally, I listen to their tale of Ennea trauma, offer some empathy (because they’re right, it sucks to have anything pushed on you), and hopefully get them to separate the map from the messenger.

We Enneagram enthusiasts need to be gentle in our excitement. The one best way I’ve found to open someone else to the Enneagram is this: give them an introductory book, mine, David Daniels’, Helen Palmer’s, or Baron and Wagele’s. Tell them your type: “I’m a Seven (or Eight or One or whatever your type is.) This book might help you understand me better. It’s helped me understand myself more.”

We need to restrain ourselves from commenting on their type, even if they ask. They will read the book and begin the discovery process on their own. Let them get back to you. After all, one of the best parts of the Enneagram is having a common language in which to examine our differences and similarities on our path to understanding.

Being a Not Type

One of my friends who is a successful Enneagram teacher and consultant worked so very hard interrupting her passion, her Enneagram drive, that she became what she now refers to as a Not Four. Which is not the same as an evolved or self-actualizing Four.

Sure, the Enneagram gives us a choice to run our habit or passion rather than having it run us. But we need to remember that the passion IS energy. We want to avail ouselves of that energy for growth and transformation, to become our best selves.

My friend was working so hard going against her type, that she underused her type, her gifts. She realized that it’s not doing the opposite of what type first presents, but doing whatever we do with consciousness. Sometimes, Fourness is exactly what is needed. We can’t jettison our gifts; we merely need to be awake and choose right action. With practice and awareness, we can choose the gifts of all nine types, ultimately.


Stereotyping

Sevens are not committed. Eights don’t get their feelings hurt. Ones hold grudges. Not true. These are potential manifestations of the worldviews informing Sevens, Eights, and Ones. But don’t believe everything you read.

Yes, Sevens are visionary optimists, and most enjoy beginnings more than grunt work middles. Still, I’ve known myriad Sevens who are very committed to relationships, causes, and projects. They get things done, they complete, they are monogamous.

Eights may project invulnerability coming from a worldview where “only the strong survive”. But let me tell you that I know many a tenderhearted Eight of both genders whose feelings have been bruised because of the assumption that they are touch and don’t feel pain.

Ones can certainly see things in black and white terms and become irritated when others don’t come through, aren’t honest, or don’t pull their weight. But remember that the hallmark of Oneishness is the desire to correct, to make better. I know several Ones who don’t hold grudges - because they feel that it is wrong to do so. It’s not correct.

These are just a few examples, but it is all too easy to fall into stereotyping, even when we know better. Better to ask each individual “How is this situation (feelling etc) for you?” And it works even better when you both have that common Enneagram language.


Confusing The Map With The Territory

Just because we know the Enneagram type of another person does not mean we know him or her. The Enneagram is a rich and compelling map. But it is only a map. In a sense, it can be likened to our GPS devices in our cars or on our phones. It does a good job in certain known areas but it can lose its way or declare you off-road when it is unknown territory.

Each of us IS unknown territory. Our Enneagram type makes us more comprehensible to ourselves and others. It offers a map for growth both psychologically and spiritually. Still, much of our inner terrain is “off-road” even to ourselves. We are a learning in progress. We are growing ourselves.

One day, probably far in the future, it is my profound desire that we will no longer need the Enneagram map. I pray that we will connect intuitively, deeply with ourselves and others. Understanding will be like breathing and we will apprehend the true and holy territory of spiritual beings in human form. And then we might attend to other work, what I do not know.

I know, I know, it sounds like science fiction or utopia. But I can dream. In the meantime, I’ll try to use the map with delicacy and discretion, always reminding myself that there is so much more that is not known.

Enneagrammatical Errors: Common Enneagram Mistakes

Once we learn the Enneagram of personality, a whole world opens up to us. We discover that our perception of reality, well.. isn’t reality. It’s a mere facet, reflecting a limited worldview. We realize that we have been like the blind guys groping that elephant. The part we perceive is real enough, but we only apprehend a small part of the whole. As my teacher Helen Palmer says, each of the Enneagram types has one ninth of the truth.

The Enneagram map helps to be vigilant as to when we are falling back into what Tom Condon calls the ‘trance” of our type. We question the reality before us and try on perceptions of the other eight types in an endeavor to sense the whole Elephant, as it were.

Certainly, new worlds offered by the eight types we do not inhabit have much to teach us. Our own type illuminates much as well. Yet, we may slip into “knowing” by virtue of our Enneagram knowledge too soon. We may fall prey to Enneagrammatical Errors.

Here are a couple of common ones that most of us (including me) have fallen prey to.

Point Envy
I’m not sure, but I”m guessing that Sevens get this one a tad more often than the other types. Thankfully, I can’t remember how many times I heard from a well meaning Enneagram enthusiast that they wished they were a type Seven. All I can say to that is “Oh no you don’t! You don’t wish you had my inside.”
Each type comes with its own set of problems and heartache, gifts notwithstanding. Speaking from the Seven perspective, I can truthfully say that what looks like happiness and optimism from the outside (even felt at first from the inside) often is the manhole cover over a huge, dark sewer of pain.

And until we travel below ground through that muck, all the twists and turns through the shadow, true joy eludes us. Believe me when I say that I would not wish that horrifying journey on anyone. Except maybe a fellow Seven who’s ready to become “real.”

My friends who inhabit the other eight types of the Enneagram have their own dragons to slay on their journeys. Point Envy is natural, perhaps, but misguided. (And for more on how Envy plays out read the previous Blog Entry: An Inquiry Into Envy For All Enneagram Types) So the next time you find yourself wishing you were a different type, count your blessings. The devil you know and all that....

Instant Typing
People I’ve known for a couple hours when they discover I am an Enneagram teacher invariably ask “What type am I?” Well, I don’t know. and anyone who says they do is cantilevered out there a little too far.

Because the Enneagram map describes an internally held worldview and beliefs about reality, there is really no way TO know. I just give my stock (and true) answer: “No one knows how you feel inside except you. Anyone can have any trait or characteristic that we notice externally given the right situation. It’s why we exhibit that trait that illuminates the internal landscape and narrows the search for type.” It works. They get it, dare I say, instantly. Feel free to use it next time someone asks you.

The Enneagrammatical error of instant typing occurs when people actually believe that they can type others after a few hours, minutes, days. Or even, gasp, by looking at a photo. I don’t care how talented, enlightened, or how many years you’ve spent studying/teaching the enneagram, you cannot tell someone’s internal terrain just by looking at them. And if someone types you, even if they know you well? Take it with a boulder sized grain of salt and do the work yourself.

The Enneagram is a map of internal terrain and an inner worldview, best learned by self- inquiry and self-observation. True, books, classes, websites, and trained professionals can offer tools to the seeker to help them narrow down their type to break its hold. But the discovery process is an individual one, exploring oneself with the map as a instruction guide for growing oneself.

We’ll look at more enneagrammatical errors in subsequent blog posts. Some of the mistakes we’ll address will include:

Enneagram Evangelism. Being Too Enthused About the Enneagram

Being a Not Type

Stereotyping

Confusing The Map With The Territory

Have you noticed, fallen prey to, or been the unlucky recipient of other Enneagrammatical Errors? Or have a tale to tell about one of these? Leave your wisdom here in the comments; we learn by sharing.

An Inquiry into Envy for All Enneagram Types

Envy. It’s an issue, indeed it is the passion or drive, for Enneagram type Four. So the rest of us don’t need to concern ourselves much with it. Or do we?

Barbara Arney, MA, presented an intriguing look into envy as a human drive that affects all the types at the recent International Enneagram Association meeting in San Francisco.

Through lecture and dyad exercises, we were able to discover how envy plays out in our lives, generally and vis a vis our Enneagram types. We learned about envying, but we explored what it is like to be envied and how disempowering that can be.

And surprisingly, we found that envy can offer us a gift. Opening to envy consciously can open us to what we thirst for in ourselves rather than looking outside for it in others.

Barbara posits that a major underlying force of envy involves a “fierce attraction to an external good while resisting the internal good.” We project (and we do not have to be Sixes to do this) our own good or desire for good onto others. When we take our inherent goodness and put it on others, we diminish ourselves.

Concurrently, when we envy someone we also diminish them by seeing only an idealized part of them rather than the complex, multifaceted being in front of us.

There’s hope, however. Whether experiencing the victimization of envy or being envied, Barbara tells us, we can avail ourselves of practices to develop a durable relationship with the Good.

Some of these practices include:
Grounding in the body - dropping into sensation and relaxation.

Centering exercises to steady the mind.

Recognizing your own reactivity of envy/envied: gossip, sarcasm, withdrawal, judgment, hatred, independence.

Keep an ongoing list of all the little fulfillments in your life.

Perhaps most important is to acknowledge your desire for good that is underneath your feelings of envy.

These practices seem simple. And they are. But they are not easy and we must be vigilant and diligent to change the patterns of envy in our lives. Only then may we be able to recognize and nurture the good in ourselves.

Of course, our first step is to notice when we are envying or being envied and our reactions. Self observation will enable us to notice its effects and allow us to embody the above practices to break envy’s insidious hold.

How, when, whom do you envy? How does envy manifest for you or your type? What are your reactions when others envy you? Let’s explore these questions together here in the comments.

More about Barbara Arney: She is a certified Enneagram instructor and corporate trainer/coach with the Rapid Change Group teaching brain-based tools to business. She is offering a virtual course/community called Women’s Ways: The Power of your Passions...A September Inquiry with the Enneagram. It includes conference calls each Wed. that are recorded, a centering CD, and two 30 minute coaching sessions, and more. For info, please contact Barbara directly at BarbaraA@comcast.net or on her Central time cell phone at 612-387-3399.