Everyday Enneagram Blog

Oh Canada! Can We Change A Country’s Type?

2011-08-27T15:27:00.000-07:00

Countries have an overlay of Enneagram type; a cultural bias that informs the worldview of its citizens. The United States is a Three culture (although lately we seem solidly stuck in the low side of Six: us vs them, analysis paralysis so that nothing gets done, suspicion and paranoia, etc.)

In a Three culture, image is important and doing is highly valued. The first question a new acquaintance will ask is “What do you do?” Americans are big on success, productivity, and looking good. This is fine unless, like an unconscious Three, we lose sight of our authentic self in the quest for success.

Threes do well in a Three culture. As do other high energy types. Some types, however, can feel like strangers in a strange land. Fives can feel overwhelmed and unsafe. Nines can feel undervalued for their significant gifts. Twos, particularly male twos, may overdevelop a wing point to keep from being seen as weak when exercising their gifts of empathy and helping. (We’re pretty much okay with women being empathetic givers.)

We recently visited friends in Canada. My Eight girlfriend asked me what I thought Canada was as a country and I replied Five. “Absolutely!” she declared.

“And if you think it is hard being a female Eight - try being a female Eight in a Five culture. It’s a relief to me to travel to the US to work because I can let more of my energy out. Particularly working in a male dominated world.”

Stories like this illustrate why it is important to look at type within countries and professions, as well as on an individual level. As self-observing leads to more conscious behavior and choice on and individual level, so might knowing the pitfalls and gifts of a country or workplace worldview lead to similar awakening and possible change.

When we break the trance of habitual perceiving, acting, and being, only then is transformation possible. Small sacred steps might be the answer. When we open ourselves to other types, other worldviews, we have the possibility of true understanding.

When we further allow the instincts of self-preservation, one-to-one connection, and social to be illuminated and thereby loosened in their grip upon us, we open a space for another way of being in the world.

How do we do this? Change the worldview of a country? A profession or workplace? Maybe what we really wish to do is simply increase awareness; the same thing the Enneagram teaches each of us. I sure would welcome a little more awareness here in the U.S.A.

A dear friend of mine, musician Christine Covington, wrote these song lyrics:
“I can’t change the world
Until I first change me.
I can't change the world til I change me.”

Self-observation and self-disclosure along with a huge helping of compassion might just be a good recipe to start. The ripples might move outward in ways we can only imagine. I’d love to hear your thoughts on how we might dream this big.

Dancing with the Enneagram Part 2

2011-05-30T11:49:00.000-07:00

As a hula dancer, it has been my privilege to learn from a number of amazing Kumu Hula or hula masters. As I mentioned in Part I, I recounted how knowing the Enneagram literally saved me when learning hula from different instructors. When I had an understanding of my teacher’s worldview or inner cosmology, I was less vulnerable to misunderstanding or hurt feelings. In my last post, I shared about a Six and an Eight. Here in Part 2, you’ll meet a Five, a Three, and a Nine.

When my first hula teacher passed away unexpectedly, our group was “inherited” by a Five kumu hula - I’ll call her R. Knowing her to be a gifted but demanding teacher, we were quite literally quaking in our pa`u (hula skirts).

She didn’t disappoint us. Right out of the box, she pushed and prodded us to moves more difficult than we thought we could ever perform. R never raised her voice, but to be the recipient of “the look” of icy disapproval spurred us all to become better dancers. The party was over. And we would do anything to avoid that look. (A hula halau is really a small family. I’ve heard a number of Fives on panels remark that they can be quite bossy and controlling in the comfort of their own families.)

As we became more proficient, more shy smiles and laughter were bestowed upon us. Rarely, we got a “that was beautiful.” Our group began winning the annual competition for our age group. We were not just enjoying hula, we were becoming better dancers.

My most illustrative Five story of her is this one. We were attending Merrie Monarch, the annual hula olympics held in Hilo, Hawaii. The young girls were entered in the competition. At the conclusion of the 4 day festival, all the Kumu Hula were invited up on stage to be introduced and feted.

R runs our hula halau with her Kumu Hula sister, M, who is a Three. M does fundraising and is the front person for the group while R choreographs and trains us. When the announcer called for them to come up on stage together, up comes M... and A! A is another Kumu Hula from Molokai, who pitches in during Merrie Monarch. R would not come out nor be seen.

We dubbed her “The Invisible Kumu”, even though virtually none of my hula sisters know the Enneagram. Every year that our group participates in this festival, A comes up on stage as R. Most of the other Kumu Hula know, as do we, who R really is. No one lets the kitten out of the bag. We all respect her need for privacy and space. I’ve grown to love her dearly, although she is still reserved with all of us.

H, one of my hula teachers, is a Three. At 83 years of age, she can outbend, outsway, and outlast any of her younger students. She yells at us to “Ai ha`a. Bend lower. You look like a bunch of sticks out there dancing.”

How we look is all important to H, as it is a direct reflection on her. I have to say that she is far and away the best hula fashionista. (K, our beloved Six, used to say “Ladies, ladies. Wear anything. It’s not about what you’re wearing. It’s about the dance.) The Three would never say that.

Now hula clothes by definition are not your normal apparel. Bright colors with huge flower prints are a mainstay. Color combos range from unusual to downright startling. Often, the halau gets to help choose fabric for outfits. (Although democracy in this case can be a bad idea.)

H simply told us what we would wear after carefully choosing colors that looked good on all of us. I have to say it, we looked great. And our hour long practices often stretched into two or three hours if we were to perform. She never expects more from us than she’ll give herself. Even now.

Finally, I’ve been blessed to learn most recently from a lovely Nine. G is kind and gentle in the extreme, yet corrects us by demonstrating how the dance should appear. We learn from her by emulating. She dances with us. She may be the most graceful hula dancer I’ve seen. And I’ve seen a lot.

As for conflicts? Regarding just about anything: scheduling, clothes, you name it? “Oh,” she laughs. “I’m not good with that. Talk to S.” [our bossy hula sister who does all the scut work. Loudly.] “She’ll take care of it.”

She seems to have no favorites, loving and embracing each of us equally. She gives feedback via her iPad, videoing us and letting us watch ourselves to see what works and what doesn’t. (She’s a high tech Kumu, but it allows her to help us without criticizing.)

And speaking of favorites, which is my favorite Kumu? All of them! The Enneagram illuminates the gifts of each and helps me understand each Kumu’s point of view. Somehow, knowing the Enneagram makes me appreciate them more deeply. And I don’t take it personally when they teach me coming from their own perspectives rather than mine or one I might expect. I’d love to learn from all Nine types if I could. For now, I’ll just revel in being part of a greater dance.

Dancing with the Enneagram Part I

2011-04-24T19:51:00.000-07:00

The Enneagram is such a powerful map that it can help us in nearly every aspect of our daily lives. It helps us to understand ourselves (and grow ourselves.) And it helps us understand others’ internal landscapes enough to open a space for mutual connection and compassion. In other words, we don’t take everything another says or does personally when it is simply a reflection of a different, equally valid worldview.

I’ve been dancing hula for 12 years. In that space of time, I’ve had a total of five kumu hula or hula masters teach me. The Enneagram was invaluable in honoring each of them. And it saved me from confusion, hurt, and misunderstandings that inevitably develop when we believe everyone see the world in the same way.

My first hula teacher we’ll call him “N”, was a sweet, warm Six. He coaxed and coddled us. He never yelled. He reassured us that we would not die if we performed in public by foreseeing the worst that could happen, naming it, and letting us know we’d still survive. He was the perfect teacher for a tentative beginner.

However N would not appear on video because he believed that people might get hold of it and misuse it. He was never clear quite how or why. Knowing he was a Six made it easy for me to understand how scary this might be and to just let it go, even though so many other Kumu Hula were allowing students to use new technology to reinforce learning with the understanding that they were not to share it.

Some of my hula sisters had no map for understanding and were irritable, challenging him on his rule. Which only reinforced that nothing good could come of this. Already it was causing problems.

My favorite Six story about N is this: we were invited to the opening of a sacred site that had been restored as a hula platform high on a hill overlooking our whole island. Another hula master’s halau (school) had initiated the restoration and invited a few halaus and many elders to this ceremony.

Each hula master was to chant or oli a prayer. When it came N’s turn, he blanched and said, “I can’t. I can’t chant in front of him, he’s a hula master.”

“You can do it,” I whispered. “Remember, you’re a hula master, too.” He looked startled, then walked up and delivered his chant. I think he actually “forgot” that he was an equal to the other Kumu Hula there.

I’d heard about Kumu F long before I met him. “It’s all about him,” claimed a friend. “He’s got to be the center of attention.”

The more I heard, the more I fashioned him in my mind as a Three. I was prepared.

The first evening of a week long intensive, he gathered us together. “You need to know a couple of things about me,” he said. “#1, It’s my way or the highway. #2 I tend to be blunt and to the point. Deal with it. #3 There’s no crying in hula.”

I still dance with this wonderful, strong Eight Kumu once a year. Some say he is arrogant. Perhaps, but I’d say he’s accomplished. As a historian, singer-songwriter, educator and cultural resource, even elders defer to him. (Elders in Hawai`i are the top of the food chain, just the opposite of our mainland American culture.)

Dealing with him, I didn’t take it personally when he corrected us strongly. In comparison to N, it might have seemed harsh. But he was merely being blunt and clear. Most important, I would meet his energy. There’s no crying in hula, after all.

As I knew him longer, I began to see the move to Two as a large part of him. As an Eight, he hated anyone to call attention to his loving care and attention. So I learned acceptance of his gifts without too much thank you or gushing.

My favorite Eight to Two story? He had written a poignant good-bye song for a dear friend’s death. We were to learn and perform it for the first time that week. As we practiced over and over, the energy in the room became sad and heavy. We were lost in grief as we danced.

“Okay,” he snapped. “That’s it. Go change clothes. We need a mood change - time for chocolate, coffee, and shopping. Get moving, we leave in 10 minutes.”

After our antioxidant and retail therapy, we were able to continue dancing and expressing the emotion of the song without being overwhelmed by it. Gut knowing and caretaking. Eight meets Two.

There is a Hawaii`ian proverb about hula: A`ohe pau ka `ike i ka halau ho`okahi which translates as “not all knowledge is taught in one school.” And as we Enneagram enthusiasts know: not all reality is contained in one type or worldview. When we open to other ways of perceiving and being in the world, we are expanding our experience, of ourselves and one another.

Stay tuned for Part 2 where I am lucky enough to learn hula from a Five, a Three, and a Nine.

Enneagram iPhone App: Know Your Type

2011-03-12T17:07:00.000-08:00

Want to find the nearest sushi restaurant? There’s an app for that. Want to take credit cards using your iPhone? There’s an app for that. Want to have a quick but comprehensive reference to the Enneagram? There’s an app for that too!

"Know Your Type" is a wonderfully designed iPhone application that acts as game, learning tool, and handy reference. For 2.99, you can discover your type, learn self-development strategies, manage inter-type conflict, and so much more.

The interface is clean and easy to navigate. There are even videos of each of the nine types explaining personality from the inside.

Developed by Ginger Lapid-Bogda, PhD (The Enneagram in Business), this feature rich powerhouse of an app is a must have for any Enneagram enthusiast. And if you don’t have an iPhone? It works just as well with the iPad or iPod touch. Check it out in the App Store.

Enneagram Errors Part Deux

2010-11-23T15:11:00.000-08:00

In the last blog entry we examined some Enneagrammatical errors that commonly affect or afflict us. Here are a few more errors that are natural and easy to fall into. With naming, a little vigilance, and some focused attention, they won’t catch us unaware.

Enneagram Evangelism. Being Too Enthused About the Enneagram

If I had a nickel for every time someone told me how they were turned off completely to the Enneagram by some well meaning friend/spouse/coworker bombarding them with enneagram enthusiasm, well, I’d have a roomful of nickels. And I hate rolling those things in wrappers so I’d just have to live with them. (Yes, I live rurally and my bank’s coin sorter is rarely working.)

Seriously though, this is a real Enneagrammatical error. The horror on someone’s face when I tell them that I teach and consult with the Enneagram of personality is not feigned. Generally, I listen to their tale of Ennea trauma, offer some empathy (because they’re right, it sucks to have anything pushed on you), and hopefully get them to separate the map from the messenger.

We Enneagram enthusiasts need to be gentle in our excitement. The one best way I’ve found to open someone else to the Enneagram is this: give them an introductory book, mine, David Daniels’, Helen Palmer’s, or Baron and Wagele’s. Tell them your type: “I’m a Seven (or Eight or One or whatever your type is.) This book might help you understand me better. It’s helped me understand myself more.”

We need to restrain ourselves from commenting on their type, even if they ask. They will read the book and begin the discovery process on their own. Let them get back to you. After all, one of the best parts of the Enneagram is having a common language in which to examine our differences and similarities on our path to understanding.

Being a Not Type

One of my friends who is a successful Enneagram teacher and consultant worked so very hard interrupting her passion, her Enneagram drive, that she became what she now refers to as a Not Four. Which is not the same as an evolved or self-actualizing Four.

Sure, the Enneagram gives us a choice to run our habit or passion rather than having it run us. But we need to remember that the passion IS energy. We want to avail ouselves of that energy for growth and transformation, to become our best selves.

My friend was working so hard going against her type, that she underused her type, her gifts. She realized that it’s not doing the opposite of what type first presents, but doing whatever we do with consciousness. Sometimes, Fourness is exactly what is needed. We can’t jettison our gifts; we merely need to be awake and choose right action. With practice and awareness, we can choose the gifts of all nine types, ultimately.

Stereotyping

Sevens are not committed. Eights don’t get their feelings hurt. Ones hold grudges. Not true. These are potential manifestations of the worldviews informing Sevens, Eights, and Ones. But don’t believe everything you read.

Yes, Sevens are visionary optimists, and most enjoy beginnings more than grunt work middles. Still, I’ve known myriad Sevens who are very committed to relationships, causes, and projects. They get things done, they complete, they are monogamous.

Eights may project invulnerability coming from a worldview where “only the strong survive”. But let me tell you that I know many a tenderhearted Eight of both genders whose feelings have been bruised because of the assumption that they are touch and don’t feel pain.

Ones can certainly see things in black and white terms and become irritated when others don’t come through, aren’t honest, or don’t pull their weight. But remember that the hallmark of Oneishness is the desire to correct, to make better. I know several Ones who don’t hold grudges - because they feel that it is wrong to do so. It’s not correct.

These are just a few examples, but it is all too easy to fall into stereotyping, even when we know better. Better to ask each individual “How is this situation (feelling etc) for you?” And it works even better when you both have that common Enneagram language.

Confusing The Map With The Territory

Just because we know the Enneagram type of another person does not mean we know him or her. The Enneagram is a rich and compelling map. But it is only a map. In a sense, it can be likened to our GPS devices in our cars or on our phones. It does a good job in certain known areas but it can lose its way or declare you off-road when it is unknown territory.

Each of us IS unknown territory. Our Enneagram type makes us more comprehensible to ourselves and others. It offers a map for growth both psychologically and spiritually. Still, much of our inner terrain is “off-road” even to ourselves. We are a learning in progress. We are growing ourselves.

One day, probably far in the future, it is my profound desire that we will no longer need the Enneagram map. I pray that we will connect intuitively, deeply with ourselves and others. Understanding will be like breathing and we will apprehend the true and holy territory of spiritual beings in human form. And then we might attend to other work, what I do not know.

I know, I know, it sounds like science fiction or utopia. But I can dream. In the meantime, I’ll try to use the map with delicacy and discretion, always reminding myself that there is so much more that is not known.

Enneagrammatical Errors: Common Enneagram Mistakes

2010-10-02T13:41:00.000-07:00

Once we learn the Enneagram of personality, a whole world opens up to us. We discover that our perception of reality, well.. isn’t reality. It’s a mere facet, reflecting a limited worldview. We realize that we have been like the blind guys groping that elephant. The part we perceive is real enough, but we only apprehend a small part of the whole. As my teacher Helen Palmer says, each of the Enneagram types has one ninth of the truth.

The Enneagram map helps to be vigilant as to when we are falling back into what Tom Condon calls the ‘trance” of our type. We question the reality before us and try on perceptions of the other eight types in an endeavor to sense the whole Elephant, as it were.

Certainly, new worlds offered by the eight types we do not inhabit have much to teach us. Our own type illuminates much as well. Yet, we may slip into “knowing” by virtue of our Enneagram knowledge too soon. We may fall prey to Enneagrammatical Errors.

Here are a couple of common ones that most of us (including me) have fallen prey to.

Point Envy
I’m not sure, but I”m guessing that Sevens get this one a tad more often than the other types. Thankfully, I can’t remember how many times I heard from a well meaning Enneagram enthusiast that they wished they were a type Seven. All I can say to that is “Oh no you don’t! You don’t wish you had my inside.”
Each type comes with its own set of problems and heartache, gifts notwithstanding. Speaking from the Seven perspective, I can truthfully say that what looks like happiness and optimism from the outside (even felt at first from the inside) often is the manhole cover over a huge, dark sewer of pain.

And until we travel below ground through that muck, all the twists and turns through the shadow, true joy eludes us. Believe me when I say that I would not wish that horrifying journey on anyone. Except maybe a fellow Seven who’s ready to become “real.”

My friends who inhabit the other eight types of the Enneagram have their own dragons to slay on their journeys. Point Envy is natural, perhaps, but misguided. (And for more on how Envy plays out read the previous Blog Entry: An Inquiry Into Envy For All Enneagram Types) So the next time you find yourself wishing you were a different type, count your blessings. The devil you know and all that....

Instant Typing
People I’ve known for a couple hours when they discover I am an Enneagram teacher invariably ask “What type am I?” Well, I don’t know. and anyone who says they do is cantilevered out there a little too far.

Because the Enneagram map describes an internally held worldview and beliefs about reality, there is really no way TO know. I just give my stock (and true) answer: “No one knows how you feel inside except you. Anyone can have any trait or characteristic that we notice externally given the right situation. It’s why we exhibit that trait that illuminates the internal landscape and narrows the search for type.” It works. They get it, dare I say, instantly. Feel free to use it next time someone asks you.

The Enneagrammatical error of instant typing occurs when people actually believe that they can type others after a few hours, minutes, days. Or even, gasp, by looking at a photo. I don’t care how talented, enlightened, or how many years you’ve spent studying/teaching the enneagram, you cannot tell someone’s internal terrain just by looking at them. And if someone types you, even if they know you well? Take it with a boulder sized grain of salt and do the work yourself.

The Enneagram is a map of internal terrain and an inner worldview, best learned by self- inquiry and self-observation. True, books, classes, websites, and trained professionals can offer tools to the seeker to help them narrow down their type to break its hold. But the discovery process is an individual one, exploring oneself with the map as a instruction guide for growing oneself.

We’ll look at more enneagrammatical errors in subsequent blog posts. Some of the mistakes we’ll address will include:

Enneagram Evangelism. Being Too Enthused About the Enneagram

Being a Not Type

Stereotyping

Confusing The Map With The Territory

Have you noticed, fallen prey to, or been the unlucky recipient of other Enneagrammatical Errors? Or have a tale to tell about one of these? Leave your wisdom here in the comments; we learn by sharing.

An Inquiry into Envy for All Enneagram Types

2010-08-16T14:53:00.000-07:00

Envy. It’s an issue, indeed it is the passion or drive, for Enneagram type Four. So the rest of us don’t need to concern ourselves much with it. Or do we?

Barbara Arney, MA, presented an intriguing look into envy as a human drive that affects all the types at the recent International Enneagram Association meeting in San Francisco.

Through lecture and dyad exercises, we were able to discover how envy plays out in our lives, generally and vis a vis our Enneagram types. We learned about envying, but we explored what it is like to be envied and how disempowering that can be.

And surprisingly, we found that envy can offer us a gift. Opening to envy consciously can open us to what we thirst for in ourselves rather than looking outside for it in others.

Barbara posits that a major underlying force of envy involves a “fierce attraction to an external good while resisting the internal good.” We project (and we do not have to be Sixes to do this) our own good or desire for good onto others. When we take our inherent goodness and put it on others, we diminish ourselves.

Concurrently, when we envy someone we also diminish them by seeing only an idealized part of them rather than the complex, multifaceted being in front of us.

There’s hope, however. Whether experiencing the victimization of envy or being envied, Barbara tells us, we can avail ourselves of practices to develop a durable relationship with the Good.

Some of these practices include:
Grounding in the body - dropping into sensation and relaxation.

Centering exercises to steady the mind.

Recognizing your own reactivity of envy/envied: gossip, sarcasm, withdrawal, judgment, hatred, independence.

Keep an ongoing list of all the little fulfillments in your life.

Perhaps most important is to acknowledge your desire for good that is underneath your feelings of envy.

These practices seem simple. And they are. But they are not easy and we must be vigilant and diligent to change the patterns of envy in our lives. Only then may we be able to recognize and nurture the good in ourselves.

Of course, our first step is to notice when we are envying or being envied and our reactions. Self observation will enable us to notice its effects and allow us to embody the above practices to break envy’s insidious hold.

How, when, whom do you envy? How does envy manifest for you or your type? What are your reactions when others envy you? Let’s explore these questions together here in the comments.

More about Barbara Arney: She is a certified Enneagram instructor and corporate trainer/coach with the Rapid Change Group teaching brain-based tools to business. She is offering a virtual course/community called Women’s Ways: The Power of your Passions...A September Inquiry with the Enneagram. It includes conference calls each Wed. that are recorded, a centering CD, and two 30 minute coaching sessions, and more. For info, please contact Barbara directly at BarbaraA@comcast.net or on her Central time cell phone at 612-387-3399.

Enneagram Practice: Sometimes It’s Better To Receive

2010-07-26T12:03:00.000-07:00

My husband, Dewitt, and I recently traveled to Europe for a combination of work and pleasure. Our first stop was France, so I dutifully brushed up on my traveler’s French, so that I could at least attempt to honor the language and culture that I was visiting.

And as my husband so aptly pointed out, one needs to be careful about speaking her piece well. Because when a French person answers you, it will be in rapid, colloquial language. And you will understand only a fraction of what you are receiving.
What has happened is that with quickie learning CD’s and the like, we’ve learned how to send a message but not necessarily how to receive it. This happens oh so frequently even when speaking our own language. In our own culture. We are gifted at sending but oftentimes, we fail at receiving.

And it happens when we interact with someone who inhabits a different Enneagram type than our own. Learning about the Enneagram types gives us a quickie course in culture, language, and worldview. But just because we might be conversant in the guidebook that the Enneagram offers, does not mean that we understand this other type, this other person.

The Enneagram, when used to its fullest, is about receiving. And receiving and receiving and receiving. We may be very good at sending, but sending messages does not enhance our understanding. Receiving does. Listening does. Asking for assistance in navigating and understanding another’s world does.

Receiving requires a passive, accepting stance. Culturally, in the U.S. at least, we are not educated in or applauded for taking such a stance. Ask any Nine who has had to “ramp up” to fit in to our Threeish milieu.

Here’s a practice we can all try. When next we are in communication with another whether we knew their Enneagram predilection or not, let’s just listen. Let’s experiment by trying to receive without sending. Sure, ask questions to help clarify the receiving when appropriate, but let’s just open a receptive space to experience another culture.

Let’s report back here and share how this felt. For us. The Enneagram is not about collecting knowledge or esoterica. It IS about understanding, empathy, and experiencing another as they experience themselves. I for one, look forward to the day when we no longer need the Enneagram guidebook to develop compassion and understanding, when empathy with one another will be as natural as breathing. Maybe not in my lifetime. Then again, maybe......................

An Enneagram Eight For A Day...Or a Nine Or a One...

2010-06-09T13:21:00.000-07:00

"Can you ever switch types?" I’m frequently asked. "No" is the short answer. Our Enneagram personality home base is home base - which seems to be hardwired into us.

Still, as we grow and change, we can avail ourselves of attributes and strengths beyond the intrinsic ones of our own type. Heck, we can do it whether we know the Enneagram or not, although the map helps.

The Enneagram describes nine distinct world views. We might also envision the types as nine personality gifts, each of which illuminates a part of human potential.

Can we purposefully embody the positive traits of another type; a gift of human potential not innately our own? Can we access the appropriate attribute for a given situation, even if it is not natural or unconscious for us? Surely it is worth a try as we attempt to grow and actualize ourselves.

I remember one time when I was embarking on a business trip to teach the Enneagram to a group of women business leaders on the East Coast. My West coast flight was to leave in the early am, so I needed to catch an airport shuttle bus for the 1.5 hour ride to SFO.

Ordinarily, the bus drivers were ruthless about not waiting for latecomers or holding up departure for any reason. On this day, for unknown reasons, the driver waited for late folks he knew were coming for 5, 10, 15, 20 minutes.

This Seven slammed into One. I felt myself tighten up in my body, my teeth clenched, and I became anxious and outraged. I stopped myself and took a long hard look at my own reaction. What type might possibly have an attribute that could help me in my current situation.

I thought about my son, a go-with-the-flow Nine. How would he handle this? Well, I mused to myself, he would kick back in his comfortable, warm seat on the bus and either doze or open a book to read.

And if he missed the flight? Well, there were other flights to the East Coast, and the class wasn’t till the next day. Things just have a way of working out.

So I pretended. I acted like my Niney son. I stopped looking at my watch and started reading my book. My jaw muscles unclenched and I relaxed.

I had a most pleasant ride to the airport, got off at my stop (lateish), walked into the terminal, got my boarding pass, and walked right onto the plane since they were boarding already. (yes, it was pre 9-11.) It remains one of my favorite trip experiences.

One of my Enneagram students (a One) told me that she wanted to be more free and lusty with her husband during sexual closeness So she pretended that she was an Eight the next time they were intimate and claimed that it was the best time they’d ever had in bed.

While we can never truly “know” what it is to be another type or even to manifest the gifts in the specific flavor in which they experience themselves, we can try to expand out of our own limited Enneagram box. We may be surprised at the range we have available to us.

Have you always wanted to be a Four? A Three? A One? Try it for an afternoon or a day or in a situation where those gifts seem called for. Let us know how it works!

Is Simon Cowell An Eight? Typing Famous People

2010-05-05T18:25:00.000-07:00

I read recently that Simon Cowell on American Idol is an Eight. Because he’s blunt and brutally honest. While that indeed is a characteristic attributed to Eights, any of us can exhibit that same trait given the right set of circumstances. I acted that way myself when I was head nurse in an Intensive Care Unit. And I’m a Seven with a Six wing.

My own best guess about Simon Cowell is that he is a Four. (I have my reasons but they don't matter.) When confronted by the host of the show, Ryan Seacrest, a few weeks ago, Simon shrunk back from the conflict, muttering that it was “uncomfortable.” Most Eights will rise to such an occasion, ready for a good battle. For the same reason, some other Enneagram aficionados believe he’s a Six.

Really, though, I don’t know Simon Cowell. I have no idea what his Enneagram type is. I like his bluntness, wherever it comes from.

I’ll admit it. Attempting to type famous people is fun. Think of it as an ennea exercise, practicing our understanding of the hallmarks of type. But that’s all it is.

I am always amazed (and a little chagrined) when Enneagram enthusiasts, authors, and others claim to know definitively the type of some famous person. I know that I’ve fallen into the same trap myself in the past.

The truth is that unless we personally know said famous person AND that they have confirmed for us their type, we have no idea of their Enneagram proclivity.

Sure, we can see traits and characteristics. We can even feel energy, an individual’s force field, which supplies more clues as to type. But as any good Enneagram observer will tell you, we don’t know diddly about how a person truly feels inside unless s/he tells us.

The Enneagram describes nine very different ways of perceiving, acting, and being in the world. Each of these unique viewpoints stems from an internal worldview based on a set of assumptions and beliefs about what it takes to survive and thrive. For example, the Eight worldview can be rather simplistically described as “The World is A Jungle and Only The Strong Survive.” The Nines believe the world is at its best when we are One with everything and harmony rules. And so on.

From the outside, it is difficult if not impossible to tell another’s type. Time and again, I’ve worked with families who were conversant with the Enneagram (even Enneagram teachers) and did not realize the inner landscape of the members of their own close nuclear family. This underscores for me the best use of the Enneagram as an invitation to understanding through inquiry. “How is it for you?” we might ask, creating an open space for learning about another.

My teachers, Helen Palmer and David Daniels, conducted panels of type (as do all of us certified in the Narrative Tradition of the Enneagram). Their greatest skill (and gift) was approaching each person on a panel with the curiosity and openness of a child. Although they were “experts”, they questioned as if they had no idea what a given person of a known type might say. Hence, we continually learned more about type and individuals. By genuinely wishing to understand another’s internal terrain, they avoided typing or stereotyping vis a vis a given set of external traits.

My son is a Nine. He knows his own internal landscape well, having learned the Enneagram at a very early age. Still, looking at him from the outside when he is working at his high pressure, high profile job, it would be tempting to see him as a Three. He exhibits the adaptability, productivity, and selling charm of a Three. But when he goes home at night, it’s back to Nine land. When he is anxious about something, he looks like the archetype of Six as he scans for danger and worst case scenario. And then he returns to home base: Nine.

So whether we are looking at famous people or our own best friend, it’s important to remember that traits don’t make the man. Or the woman. Any of us might exhibit any trait in a given situation. WHY we do it is much more telling. And the only way we’ll know...... is to ask.

The Career Within You - Finding The Perfect Job for Your Personality

2010-03-30T19:05:00.000-07:00

The Career Within You - Finding The Perfect Job for Your Personality

I’ve always loved Elizabeth Wagele’s cartoons for their insightful humor and for making the Enneagram accessible. Many of my students who were initially daunted by lengthy Enneagram tomes started their journeys with “The Enneagram Made Easy”. And as we all know, once you venture into the richness of the Enneagram personality map, you’re hooked.

Elizabeth now has a brand new book co-authored with Ingrid Stabb called “The Career Within You.” I expected to read a sort of “What Color Is Your Parachute” with an Enneagram twist. And I expected the humor and heart of Liz’s cartoons. I found all this and more.

All nine types are described succinctly with pluses and minuses and overarching motivation with particular attention to strengths brought to the workplace and needs. Wagele and Stabb break new ground with the best part of this book - their Career Finder for each of the types.

Each type starts his/her search by rating a list of 5 strengths. Personal preference is taken into account next when the reader peruses a long list of careers and lists 4 that interest him.

A chart next to each career weights each of the five strengths of the type - ideally you’d find something that resonates with your highest strengths that excites you.

Last step, Step 3, shows practical considerations in these same tables. Additional ratings are given for jobs with high pay, predicted future growth area for jobs, recession proof occupations, and those with a large number of present openings. This is invaluable information, especially in our present economy.

I decided that if the Wagele- Stabb Career Finder works that it should be able to work in reverse. I have what I consider to be the world’s best job(s) as writer, artist, health activist and enneagram blogger. I wanted to see if the Career Finder might agree. So I ranked my type Seven strengths in this order: Idealism, Seek challenge, Enthusiasm, Social networking, and Synthesizing info. I then checked for matches in the extensive jobs list. And the Career Finder.... nailed it!

Writer (but not travel writer), Artist photographer (not wedding photographer or photojournalist), Human potential seminar leader (yep still doing that), Journalist human interest or opinion (e.g. blogger). Journalist hard news did not line up and indeed, I have a hard time sometimes writing my articles for Examiner.com as they want more newsy, middle of the road pieces than I tend to write as a health activist.

The point here is that the Career Finder is complex and varied enough to be of real value and help to anyone who is job hunting whether it is her first venture into the workplace or a midlife change in career.

The book finishes up with a chapter entitled Fundamentals to Look for in Your Work Situation and a wonderfully laid out Job Hunting Guide. Interspersed throughout this terrific book are real life stories that illustrate the nuances of career and job seeking that are so critical to finding satisfying work.

This book is a must read for anyone contemplating a job search as well as for those of us who sometimes get lost in asking the question “Is this the right career for me? Why do I do what I do, again?” Just the practice of looking backward has invigorated me and validated my choices. Turned out The Career Within You was an inspirational text as well! Who knew?

To order your copy from Amazon.com, click here or visit your local bookstore.

Enneagram Speaking Styles: Get Your Message Across

2010-02-18T18:02:00.000-08:00

According to a famous study, people are more afraid of public speaking than they are of death. Whether we have to speak to a work group or a professional association or a large crowd, many of us are anxious about speaking. And as we know, when we are stressed, we may “stomp on” or exaggerate our point (type.). And in the process, lose the point... of our talk. Knowing our Enneagram speaking style can help us avoid the trouble areas of our own type and get out of the way of the message we want to deliver.

Each Enneagram type has a “default” style of communicating, particularly when speaking to a group or audience. We certainly have the ability to access styles other than our default when we are conscious and aware. However, when we go on auto, when our personality runs us rather than we run our personality, we fall into our default method of communicating with its strengths and its pitfalls. We naturally would like to maximize our strengths and minimize the pitfalls that will cause our message to be misinterpreted or not heard at all.

It is also helpful if we can expand our communication talents to include those of the other Enneagram types. When we can avail ourselves of different ways of communicating, we have the option of matching the style to the appropriate situation or group. All nine styles work well in given situations. We don’t want to be limited to our personality’s “default” mode, when another style may work better. Let’s examine the speaking styles of each of the nine Enneagram types.

Speaking Styles: Pitfalls and Strengths

Type One - The Perfectionist

Speaking Style: Sermonizing

Strengths - honesty, integrity, doing it well, getting it right, detail oriented. Want to be good.

Pitfalls - can preach or sermonize (because its right!), can get so lost in the details that lose your listeners or don’t ever do a speech because it isn’t right yet. Can be inadaptable so never change your message for fear it will be wrong.

Recommendations
Be in service of the message rather than in being right. Know when it is good enough. Don’t preach or sermonize, there really is more than one right answer; they’ll turn you off if you preach, anyway.

Type Two - the Giver

Speaking Style: Warmth

Strengths - empathy, a caring compassionate bent, orientation toward relationship and service. Ability to connect quickly.

Pitfalls - pride in all of the above, I am giving you so much so be grateful. Over-emoting. Get lost in the emotional stories and lose the audience. Shape shifting to be liked - can seem wishy washy.

Recommendations
Humility - these folks were doing ok before you got here. Give the best you have to offer without attachment. Use stories in service of the message. True empathy involves knowing when to back off. Just because you believe you know what they need doesn’t mean they want it.

Type Three - the Performer
Speaking Style: Convincing
Strengths - ability to sense what the audience wants and shift/change message so it will be heard. Can sell anything. Charming and facile. Quick. Inspirational. Usually very good on stage.

Pitfalls - may not have own message. May be strong on style and low on content or actual message. May seem too slick, too polished. Audience doesn’t trust. Can cut corners and slide through. Pretend to know more than do.

Recommendations
Be clear on your message, don’t cut corners but learn your topic well. Figure out where you stand so don’t lose self in trying to be successful at speaking. Give credit to others.

Type Four - the Romantic
Speaking Style: Lamenting

Strengths - Unique point of view, dramatic, often very skilled on platform in delivery, sensitive and creative. emotional.

Pitfalls - can be overly dramatic, can be so attached to uniqueness that audience doesn’t relate, speaking style of lamenting. Can be lost in emotion and lose audience like the Two.

Recommendations
Use drama to accentuate your points; if it doesn’t enhance the message, get rid of it. Ask others you trust if too much drama, emotionality that are not in service of the message. Be wary of separating yourself from the audience - unique so they could never hope to be like you.

Type Five - the Observer
Speaking Style: Dissertation

Strengths - depth of knowledge about a topic, often are the expert in what they speak on, ability to observe acutely and describe well, superb humor - often dry, well read - will probably know what all others have said/written on the subject. Can systematize information well.

Pitfalls - Can have speaking style of dissertation. Can quote everybody and not reference self, can seem detached or not present, may withhold information. May give too much information and wander the labyrinths of the mind.

Recommendations
Watch for quoting too many, too much: as Plato said, as Clinton once said. Quote yourself - put yourself in it. Pare down information to what really serves the message; not everyone wants to explore it in the depth that you do. Be present while speaking. Use observing and humor skills. Simplify.

Type Six - the Loyal Skeptic
Speaking Style: “Shotgun” or Apologetic

Strengths - loyalty, duty to people or a cause, especially underdogs; healthy skepticism, can sense hidden agendas, prefers group to spotlight often. Antiauthoritarian.

Pitfalls - doubt own message so unclear, push cause down others throat, can be overly pessimistic: doom and gloom if you don’t change, senses hidden motives and danger where there are none. Can use shock techniques due to ambivalence toward authority. Talking in short shotgun blasts.

Recommendations
See yourself in service to the underdog cause of the message. That means clearly defining what the message is. Don’t try to shock or bring out listener’s true feelings. Slow down speech,. Highlight an optimistic feature. Don’t push causes - illuminate them.

Type Seven - the Optimist
Speaking Style: Enthusiastic storyteller

Strengths - Storytelling, humor, optimism. Great reframers - of everything. Upbeat high energy people who emphasize work etc. as fun. Can draw parallels and similarities between very unlike things. Adventurous, enjoy life to the fullest.

Pitfalls - Can become too attached to own stories, can make a story out of a mundane trip to the post office which may not be relevant. May seem pollyannaish to audience, so won’t trust you. Overemphasis on fun may lose audience. Can be dilettantish - know a little about everything, but not a lot about any one thing. Can use too much humor.

Recommendations
learn topic really well - don’t get distracted by other things. Use humor and stories in service of the message. Don’t reframe everything - take a beat first. Insert a little downside, then the plan to deal with it. Be sure the parallels and connections you make are relevant and helpful.

Type Eight - the Boss
Speaking Style: Commanding

Strengths - clear direct, straightforward. Forceful. Able to communicate message by sheer will. Honest and just. What you see is what you get. Good at direction - inspires by sheer will. Large energy and presence. Instinctual knowing - from the gut. Clarity.

Pitfalls - Too in your face - pushy, bull in the china shop. Too attached to my truth is the Truth and there is no room for any argument. Too little backup information. I know from my gut.

Recommendations
Filter speech through heart and mind. Consider impacts of speaking, recommendations, etc. Recognize dissenting points of view - and allow them. Do homework to back up instinctual knowledge and flesh it out.

Type Nine - the Mediator
Speaking Style: Epic, Conciliatory

Strengths - Able to see all points of view and hold them equally. Merges with audience energetically - we are all one. Non-threatening, comfortable. Easygoing charm.

Pitfalls - Epic nine way of speaking where extraneous details and unimportant info cloud the message. The speech has no point, holds all points of view without a conclusion. Can have laconic way of speaking that puts people to sleep. Passive verbage may lose people - e.g. “ how leadership happens to you”. Won’t compute to rest of us.

Recommendations
Define the point of the message and be clear about it. Be careful of the tendency toward passive verbage. Don’t fall asleep on stage - go on automatic. Beware of epics - keep coming back to the point. We don’t need the whole story.

Remember, no matter which of the nine types is your Enneagram type or dominant speaking style, if you get lost in your own story (personality), you’ll lose 9/10’s of your listeners. If you speak from your strengths or gifts and allow these to serve the message, they’ll hear you.

U.S.A.: Has a Three Culture Moved to Six?

2010-01-17T15:46:00.000-08:00

Most Enneagram experts have identified the United States as a Threeish culture. We as a nation believe in success, productivity, and the power of image. Our cosmology could be summed up in two of our more successful ad campaigns: Nike’s “Just Do It” and Canon’s “Image is Everything.” As a whole, we ‘ve traditionally been an upbeat, can-do country, if a little too self-absorbed and self-congratulatory.

These days, however, the USA looks much more Sixish, boomeranging between counterphobic and phobic, fearful of just about everything. We could blame the press (which has always been counterphobic) or the 24-7 “entertain-news” on television.

We could foist responsibility on eight years of a counterphobic Sixish administration advocating certainty as an admirable leadership trait or a distinct “us vs them” philosophy in dealing with other nations, cultures, or religions.

We could point to the shock of 9-11 as the beginning of our move from Three to Six. All of these may indeed be factors. However, it is likely that there is more to it.

Six is not the stress point for Three; that would be Nine. Still we can access the high or low side of any of the points available to us: heart, stress, and wings. And right now the U.S. seems solidly in the low side of Six.

We citizens have become cynical and pessimistic. We don’t believe our government officials are trustworthy. And we look for every opportunity to debunk them as authority. We are similarly disillusioned with our free market and private enterprise given the recent meltdown of our economy.

The government itself suffers from analysis paralysis and very little seems to get done. (Although we may actually get health care reform......)

When I talk with friends and acquaintances of any political leanings, they profess fear of change and fear of the status quo in the same breath. When I ask what we as a nation should do in any given situation, they blink like deer in the headlights or reiterate what is wrong with any idea put forth by government, private enterprise, or pundits.

We are lost in an “us vs them” mentality, both abroad and here at home. It’s the U.S. against jihadists and those who won’t stand with us. It’s naturalized citizens vs illegal (and sometimes legal) immigrants. It’s Republican vs Democrat and liberal vs conservative. And we are not even civil in our debate or certainty.

Does the U.S. need to return to its former Threeness to recover? Perhaps not. We might be able to avail ourselves of the high side of Six for starters. The ability to unite and work tirelessly for a cause, loyalty to a higher purpose, trouble shooting to avoid pitfalls while moving ahead toward an ideal worth manifesting, egalitarian acceptance of others, and a deep understanding of the strength in numbers that can bring us all together.

Has America lost its Three overlay? Are we solidly in the Six worldview? Is there a prescription for what ails us and what might it be? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Finding Enneagram Type Via Hallmark Characteristics Part III

2009-12-30T13:51:00.001-08:00

In this post, we continue our look at the hallmark characteristics of Enneagram types Seven, Eight, and Nine.

Type Seven - The Optimist

Characteristics

º Sustaining high levels of excitement, many activities, many interesting things to do
º Endless possibilities - can lead to dilettantism
º Feel trapped without multiple options or way out
º Life is about fun and adventure - sampling all of it
º Avoidance of pain or difficulty
º Reframe any negative into a positive
º Replacement of deep contact with pleasant mental alternatives. Talking, planning, intellectualizing.
º Charm as first line of defense. Fear type who moves toward people.
º Equalizing authority
º Make unusual connections between unrelated ideas

Hallmark Characteristic
The hallmark or defining characteristic of an Optimist Seven is that of reframing any negative into a positive. Sevens see the good in everything, often to their own detriment. They focus on the silver lining and miss the fact that the dark cloud exists. Even trauma and tragedy are reframed into good learning experiences or humorous stories. “Yes, my dad beat me, but what was good about it was......”

Type Eight -The Straight Shooter

Characteristics

º Control of personal space, possessions, and people likely to influence Eight’s life.
º Aggression and open expression of anger
º Action before thinking, impulsive.
º Concern with justice and protection of others
º Sparring as way of making contact - trust those who can hold their own in a fight.
º Excess as antidote to boredom. Too much exercise, work, partying, etc.
º Difficulty in recognizing dependent aspects of self
º All or nothing way of seeing world. Weak or strong, fair or unfair,etc.
º Impatience with indecision, inaction.

Hallmark Characteristic
The hallmark or defining characteristic of Eight is bigger-than-life energy. Regardless of physical stature, Straight Shooters just seem to take up a lot of space. This larger-than-life quality manifests as abundant, even excessive energy. Eights seem able to do more, for longer periods than the rest of us. Oddly enough, the Straight Shooter himself often doesn’t recognize that he takes up more space than others, or even that he has more energy. Yet, everyone else around him is all too aware. If the characteristics and worldview sound familiar to you, but you are unsure about the hallmark, elicit the perception of family, coworkers, and friends to find out if they see you as “larger-than-life”.

Type Nine - the Mediator

Characteristics

º Go with the flow. Merging with others, universe
º Self- forgetting: laziness toward own needs, priorities, agenda
º Trouble with decisions: do I agree or disagree? Do I want to
be here or not?
º Containment of physical energy and anger
º Replace essential needs with non-essential substitutes - the most important things are left until the end of the day
º Act through habit and repeating familiar solutions
º Control through stubbornness and passive-aggressive behavior
º Numbing out. Inertia. Go on automatic pilot

Hallmark Characteristic
The Nine Mediator often overlooks or “forgets” her own agenda, desires, and priorities. The underlying drive of sloth leads the Nine to go with the flow rather than work to determine what s/he really wants or needs. Nine’s adopt or merge with the preferences and desires of other people. It’s easier than trying to discover his/her own agenda and priorities, which seem to be hidden or unclear. Although, this can seem similar to the stance of the Two Giver, it differs in that Nine Mediators merge indiscriminately with others. It just “happens.” Two Givers are very selective and choose the people whose priorities they may make their own. The Two stance is very active and moves toward others, while the Nine is more passive, allowing them to “go along with” others. As with all the characteristics for all Nine types, self-forgetting can get to be a habit.

When trying to determine Enneagram type, it can be helpful to focus on Hallmark Characteristics rather than getting lost in the whole enchilada of characteristics and traits. With attention and self-observation, the discovery of type is a profound journey -that takes as long as it takes.

Finding Enneagram Type Via Hallmark Characteristics Part II

2009-12-10T13:36:00.000-08:00

In this blog entry, we continue the exploration of the Hallmark characteristics of type for Types Four, Five, and Six.

Type Four - The Romantic

Characteristics

º Idealization of the distant, dissatisfaction with present reality
º Sense of something missing from life - others have it.
º Attachment to melancholy; deep feelings are more
important than mere happiness.
º Search for authenticity.
º Affinity with intense in life: birth, death, etc.
º Sense of being different than others, unique, special.
º Desire for emotional intensity - wants to be met emotionally.
º Attraction to beauty, strong aesthetic sense.
º Mood, manners, luxury, good taste as external boosts to
self-esteem.

Hallmark Characteristic
The hallmark or defining characteristic for the Romantic is the pervasive sense of something vital missing from his/her life. The Four doesn’t know what is missing, just that it is essential to her completeness. At different times, the Romantic may decide that the missing piece is a job or a person, even a place. S/he will fixate on this desired object, often until it becomes attainable, then discard it or feel dissatisfied when the feeling of “something missing” still remains.

Type Five - the Observer

Characteristics

º Privacy
º Maintaining non-involvement, withdraw and tighten
the belt as first line of defense.
º Delayed emotions. Feelings withheld until safely alone
º Compartmentalizing of time commitments in life.
º Wanting predictability - to know what will happen.
º Overvaluing self-control. “Drama is for lesser beings”
º Interest in special knowledge and systems
º Mental clarity, detachment from emotional bias

Hallmark Characteristic
The hallmark or defining characteristic of the Five Observer is detachment. The ability to disengage may be activated by a social event, a family discussion, a presentation or performance, or any interaction. Many Fives actually describe a separate “Observer self” located above or just behind him that watches him interact or perform. This keeps the Five from being overwhelmed by people, emotions, or other stimuli.

Type Six - the Loyal Skeptic

Characteristics

º Scan environment for clues that explain inner sense of threat
º Intuitive style of powerful imagination and single-pointed
attention, both natural to the fearful mind.
º Authority problems - distrust
º Identification with underdog causes
º Issues with incompletion - success is exposure to danger
º Suspicious of others’ motives: bullshit detectors
º Skepticism and doubt
º Analysis paralysis - thinking replaces doing
º Heightened fear when things are going well - when’s the other
shoe going to drop?

Hallmark Characteristic
The hallmark of the Loyal Skeptic involves seeing the downsides or dangers, almost immediately, whether it involves visualizing a worst case scenario in graphic detail or ferreting out hidden motives. While the reactions may differ: the Phobic or Flight Six may be fearful and avoiding danger while the Counterphobic or Fight Six may jump in with both feet to prove s/he can overcome potential pitfalls, both will have imagined the worst case. In the case of hidden motives, the Phobic Six may be watchful and wary while the Counterphobic Six will confront, poking and prodding to get the true colors shown.

Finding Enneagram Type Via Hallmark Characteristics

2009-11-24T18:47:00.000-08:00

It can be baffling when one is trying to determine his/her Enneagram type. We try to find ourselves in the lists of characteristics. Some fit from all of the types, others don’t fit at all. How can we sift through the information and find our home base vis a vis the Enneagram?

First of all, we do not have to exhibit all the characteristics of type for that to be our type. The Enneagram describes an internal terrain, a world view. Still, initially we may have more success in narrowing our search for type by finding what characteristics resonate rather than seeing our worldview. Our worldview is so much a part of our Enneagram filter that we might not see it at all until we have had ample time for self-observation.

All characteristics do not have the same weight or importance, when describing Enneagram type. Listening to numerous panels and self-aware exemplars of Type, I’ve noted what I call a Hallmark characteristic for each of the Nine types. While it can be helpful to look at lists of characteristics; the Hallmark seems to be the Big Dog. Finding the Hallmark characteristic might help you (or your family, friends, and cohorts) to discover type more easily.

With that in mind, here is a partial list of characteristics plus the Hallmark characteristic for Types One, Two, and Three.

Type One - The Perfectionist

Characteristics

º Compulsive need to act on what seems correct
º One right way, black and white thinking
º Relentless stream of self-criticizing thoughts
º Mentally comparing oneself to others and concern
about criticism
º Belief in one’s own moral and ethical superiority
º Procrastination stemming from fear of making a
mistake
º Do-gooder. Do what “should” be done rather than
what one wants to.
º Trapdoor phenomenon - pleasure escape valve
º Scorched Earth policy - scrap whole project and start over if even one small part is wrong.

In the case of the Perfectionist One, the hallmark or defining characteristic is the relentlessness of the inner critic. Many Ones describe it as a critical Voice that constantly evaluates, judges, and harangues the Perfectionist. Some Ones are critical of other people, other Ones keep their critical thoughts to themselves. Regardless, every Perfectionist seems to suffer from an ongoing, internal critique through nearly every minute of every day.

Type Two - The Giver

Characteristics

º Gaining approval and avoiding rejection
º Pride in importance of oneself in relationship: “they’d never make it without me”. Being indispensable

º Pride in knowing and meeting others needs
º Giving to get - the hook.
º Confusion in identifying personal needs.
º Altering self to please others
º Making a difference to others lives, the world, etc.
º Hysteria or anger when emerging real needs collide
with the needs of the others that one serves.

The defining characteristic for the Giver Two is the need to become central, even indispensable to another “chosen” individual. One Two went so far as to explain, “It’s almost as if I establish my center in the person I am interested in being important to.” Whether in work, friendship, or intimate relationships, the Giver believes that those significant to him/her would never make it without the Giver’s help or support. The unconscious drive of Pride underlies the Two’s sense that s/he alone knows what the significant other needs, and s/he will provide it.

Type Three - The Performer

Characteristics

º Goal is everything.
º Efficiency
º Competition and avoidance of failure
º Love comes from what you do rather than who you are
º Feelings suspended until job gets done
º Presentation of image that’s adjusted to gain approval.
º Multitasking - do several things at once
º Run over others to get to goal, apologize later

The defining characteristic of a Performer is excessive identification with his image or that which he produces: “I am my image” or “I am what I do.” The feeling that underneath the image or productivity is a “black hole” of nothing is the hallmark of a Three. The Three believes that he has sold us a package of goods: himself. Fearing that he is nothing but a fraud, the Performer must keep doing, producing, selling, dazzling to keep from being found out.

These are the hallmarks as I’ve heard them described. Let me know if this resonates for you, if you already know your type. We learn more about type through self inquiry, self observation, and subsequent sharing of insights gleaned through these processes.

I’ll be sharing characteristics and Hallmarks for the other six types in upcoming blog entries.

(material adapted from The Everyday Enneagram book.)

Mountain Highs and Lows Enneagram Style

2009-10-18T11:59:00.000-07:00

Every summer I migrate to a mountain town situated on a stunning alpine lake. A town, community, or region will exhibit its own overlay of Enneagram type and my warm weather home is no different. I move from my Niney home in Molokai, Hawaii to Sevenish South Lake Tahoe.

It’s a bit of a culture shock when I first arrive. The people are chatty, perky, and almost unbearably upbeat. I AM a Seven, but it still is hard for me. I’ve settled so deeply into my Nine home where people don’t talk a lot, don’t care what you do, and like to just hang out, eat, and enjoy music.

There are multiple activities, parties, and events. Rarely does a day pass without an invitation or five. And if you hire someone to build, repair, or do something? Or commit to attending your event? Well, they may or may not make it. In this recreational paradise, the siren song of something better to do is always exerting a pull.

It is so prevalent that locals have a phrase for it: they call it “getting Tahoed” when people don’t show up as scheduled. It’s frustrating but in true Seven fashion, it is just reframed in a more positive light as one of the costs of living in outdoor recreation heaven.

Contrast this mountain town with Aspen, Colorado - Threeish mecca of movie stars, moguls, and millionaires. The first time I went to Aspen, I met no fewer than four beauty queens in the first two hours. Names were dropping like snowflakes. Everyone had predicates up the kazoo and no one was shy about letting you know who they were. I can’t remember when I’ve seen so many beautiful, seemingly accomplished people in one place. It was glittery, exciting, and utterly exhausting.

At least, Tahoe and Aspen know who they are for now. There is tension when a town begins to morph or change into a new Enneagram style. Some years ago, I was asked to do a book signing in Sun Valley, Idaho. Like Aspen and Tahoe, this small mountain town is a hiking and skiing paradise.

The day after the book signing, I taught an all day Enneagram class to a group of Sun Valley residents. We began discussing the Enneagram styles of towns and regions. There was a distinct split among the old-timers and the folks relatively new to the area. Those who’d lived there fifteen or more years decried the changes in their community from a “fun-loving, anything goes” attitude to a more “status conscious, flashy” demeanor.

The newcomers thought it was just “hip” and “cool”, even “special”. They loved that big stars now acted in the local theatre and that people found it a “destination”. Yet they began to see how change was chafing at some and that Sun Valley was experiencing growing pains. While the old-timers began to acknowledge that not all of the growth was bad.

Knowing the pluses and minuses of our own Enneagram styles helps us navigate and grow ourselves. Ditto for the regions we live in whose Enneagram overlay affects us in ways we may not realize when unconscious of their impacts. As we become more aware, we are less likely to fall prey to the downsides or lows of our own Enneagram types and of the overlays of the regions in which we live. And we can celebrate the gifts or highs of the same.

Songlines of the Enneagram

2009-10-11T11:50:00.000-07:00

I was teaching the Enneagram to a group of military wives (amazing, strong women) at Pearl Harbor some years ago. As usually happens, most could relate to many of the types. Still one or two of the Enneagram points are unknown territory initially. One woman (self-identified as a One) could not understand the melancholy of Four. “I just don’t get it; how someone can feel that way and not want to get over it.”

Her best friend finally turned to her and said, “You know how you like to listen to country western music and weep, and you don’t want to be cheered up? It’s like that.”

“Oh,” she breathed.

Music resonates in a deep place within us. Song lyrics can illuminate type while the musical styling gives us another way to experience one of the nine worldviews. I recommend songs to my clients and students as one way in to begin understanding each of the.Enneagram types. Here are a few songlines that offer just a hint of the internal terrains.

Point One - The Perfectionist

“Nothin’ but a big bunch of nothin’
Drivin’ me insane.
Cause there ain’t no voice that’s louder
Than the one inside my brain.

Hey you go on
Go on and let me be
Quit hollerin’ at me
Quit hollerin’ at me
Sweet serenity
Quit hollerin’ at me.”

Song: Quit Hollerin’ At Me
Artist: John Prine

Point Two - The Giver

“You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I’ll come running to see you again.

Winter, Spring, Summer, or Fall
All you have to do is call
And I’ll be there, yes I will
You’ve got a friend.”

Song: You’ve Got a Friend
Artists: James Taylor / Carol King

Point Three - The Performer

“I’ve proved who I am so many times
In magnetic strips worn thin
And each time I was someone else
And everyone was taken in.

I never knew what you all wanted
So I gave you everything
All that I could pillage
All the spells that I could sing.”

Song: Pacing the Cage
Artist: Jimmy Buffett

Point Four - The Romantic

“So the next time you see me drowning
In that quicksand up to my neck.
Before you grab my hand to save me
Why don’t you ask me if I’m finished yet.

But if I truly want to be happy
I can pray for that missing piece
To the break in the cup that holds love
Inside of me.”

Song: Break In The Cup
Artist: David Wilcox

Point Five - The Observer

“Safely from my window
To the streets below
I touch no one and no one touches me.

I am a rock. I am an island.
And a rock feels no pain.
And an island never cries.”

Song: I Am A Rock
Artists: Simon and Garfunkel

Point Six - the Loyal Skeptic

“Oh the first days are the hardest days
Don’t you worry anymore.
‘Cause when life looks like easy street,
There is danger at your door.”

Song: Uncle John’s Band
Artists: The Grateful Dead

Point Seven - The Optimist

“Visions of good times that
brought so much pleasure
Makes me want to go back again...

I can’t look back for too long.
There’s just too much to see
Waiting in front of me
And I know that I just can’t go wrong.

With these changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes.
Nothing remains quite the same.
With all of my running
And all of my cunning
If I couldn’t laugh, I just would go insane.”

Song: Changes in Latitude
Artist: Jimmy Buffett

Point Eight - The Straight-Shooter

“It’s like going to confession
Every time I hear you speak
Some call it sick, but I call it weak.

Complain about the present
And blame it on the past.
I’d like to find your inner child
And kick its little ass.

Get over it
Get over it
All the bitchin’ and moanin’
And pitchin’ a fit
Get over it. Get over it.”

Song: Get Over It
Artists: The Eagles

Point Nine - The Mediator

“Let it be, let it be. Let it be, let it be.
There will be an answer, let it be.

Song: Let it Be
Artists: The Beatles

“I used to run those battlelines
Trying to smooth over what got said.
I thought it was my duty
To plead and to implore.
But I caught too much crossfire
In your covert war.”

Song: Covert War
Artist: David Wilcox

Of course, a song by itself cannot communicate the complexity of type. It serves merely as an opening, a blossoming of empathy and a beginning point for inquiry to learn more. Songlines touch our heart for an emotional connection with our own types and others. Perhaps you have some favorite songs that resonate with an aspect of Enneagram type - share them with us here.

And visit iTunes to download the above songs for yourself.

Enneagram Typing - Can It Slide Into Stereotyping?

2009-09-30T21:08:00.000-07:00

The short answer is absolutely! Just because we know someone’s type doesn’t mean that they own and exhibit every characteristic of the type. They may not even relate to what might be considered major characteristics.

I remember one time some years ago attending a gathering of Enneagram aficionados. We didn’t know one another well, but we all shared our types. A group of 10 or so was over by the buffet table discussing intimate relationship when someone turned to me and said “Of course, you’re a Seven so you have a hard time making a commitment.”

Well, that’s simply not true for me. Maybe it was my childhood, maybe my Six Wing’s loyalty bias, maybe it’s my One-to-One subtype but for whatever reason, I actually commit deeply. I’ve been with my husband for 26 wonderful years. And it isn’t that I’m such a great or spiritual Seven, but that this just comes naturally to me. Commitment to work or a project: ditto.

Sure monkey mind, reframing, future-tripping,optimistic to a fault, pain averse - all these characteristics played a huge part in my personality. (Hopefully less so now.) But commitment difficulty; just not part of me. So it caught me off guard when I was so quickly and erroneously described vis a vis my Enneagram type. And when I attempted to correct the speaker, he smiled at me and said “Well, maybe you THINK you commit.”

Now I don’t think he meant any harm. Certainly I know that denial ain’t just a river in Egypt. And I will cop to all the annoying permutations of type that I have exhibited. But I felt dismissed. He didn’t want to know me - he thought he already did because he knew my type.

And I’ve heard countless similar stories from students. At work, a team tried to give a Four the responsibility for decorating an office because “Fours have great aesthetics.” She doesn’t. She likes beauty, especially in nature, but feels she has no color sense or ability in that particular area.

Or the One that was told that she must hold grudges because “All Ones do.” It wasn’t true for her. Although the rest of One, the inner critic, black and white thinking, even trapdoor activity she owned completely.

Or the woman who was lambasted by a coworker because she was an Eight and “could take it because Eights are tough.”

Stereotyping is hurtful. It hurts individuals and it hurts the Enneagram’s credibility. I have one friend who was stereotyped with the Enneagram by an ex and still shudders when he hears the word, Enneagram. He may never be open to it. And that is a shame.

The Enneagram is best used as an open inquiry; a common language to ask someone “What’s it like for you?” The minute we think we know someone because we know their type, the minute we name as it were, we stop ‘seeing’ them.

The Enneagram is only a starting place for our curiosity and delight in learning the inner terrain of another. It truly is like visiting another culture to visit another type, but then we must go deeper as we learn more about an individual who happens to live in that culture. And who may or may not follow all the customs in the guidebook.

Greed vs Generosity - Enneagram Inquiry III

2009-09-17T14:40:00.000-07:00

I was talking with a friend about the question of greed. “Isn’t fear what really is underneath greed?” she asked. I think to an extent that is true. Still it is so much easier to notice greed in ourselves than it is to dig down to our fear (although the 24 hour news channels would have us believe that nearly everyone in the US. is terrified.).

What do we fear really? That there won’t be enough money, food, safety, etc.? Surely that is part of what drives our greedy impulses. But underneath that, is there something more hidden?

Can it be that we sometimes feel empty? Is there a space or void that needs to be filled, leading to grasping and greed. Anxiety and contraction may be part of this bargain. There won’t be enough ‘whatever” to fill it - I have to make sure I get enough. It’s pure survival.

Yet when we are aware and remember that we are Essence, remember that we ARE happiness, the hole is full. As it always was, allowing us to be more expansive, open, even generous.

What about generosity? Is it the opposite of greed or just part of a continuum? Can noticing generosity in ourselves with the energetic states and body awarenesses that accompany it lead to more generosity? And might we begin to become generous with ourselves as well as others? What might that look and feel like?

Generosity does not mean giving away the farm. Awareness can help us to know when to go to the grocery store and get our survival needs addressed and also when to let go, when we have enough in this moment, when we may give to others quite naturally.

In much the same way, the higher virtue for Nine, Love, is distinguished from indiscriminate merging. I live in a Niney culture in Hawaii. Native Hawaiians at one time gave away the farm (their land and way of life). That wasn’t generosity; that was sleep.

They’ve been reclaiming it slowly and like the awakened Nine now experience Aloha (Love) with boundaries. As one of the elders said recently, “You have to aloha yourself, otherwise you no can aloha anybody else.”

And what about Generosity with a capital G - essential Generosity. Essence is always there - how can we get out of our own way, so it may reveal itself to us and shine through us.

Over the next couple of weeks, let’s observe the ways that we experience generosity in ourselves, or recognize it in others and whether it increases by our noticing. Let us know what you learn. I’ll report back here - I hope you will as well.

Greed vs Generosity - Enneagram Inquiry II

2009-08-29T14:35:00.000-07:00

Ever since the IEA (International Enneagram Association) meeting in Las Vegas, I’ve been pondering greed vs generosity. David Daniels, Russ Hudson, and Jessica Dibb presented a thought-provoking and heartfelt inquiry into the subject. (See blog entry dated August 6, 2009.)

And I kid you not, I was lost in thought about personal manifestations of greed when I saw this license plate in front of me. 14U24ME. Stunned, I took several photos through the windshield while driving with my other hand.

Now, I’m not pointing fingers at whoever has this license plate; for all I know it’s a family joke or some other such innocuous sentiment. That’s not the point. The point is that greed is so pervasive that we may not even notice its effect on and in our lives.

Greed. We don’t dispute its existence. We believe there is greed in the world and that it globally corrosive. Still it’s always “out there”- somewhere else - objectified. And maybe that is part of the problem.

Wall Street is greedy. The banks are greedy. Shareholders are greedy. Corporations are greedy. Oil companies, big business, developers. These “things” and faceless groups are greedy.

Distancing ourselves in this manner effectively keeps us from examining the roles greed plays in our own lives. And until we become aware of greed working within each of us, there will be no shifts in consciousness on a more global scale.

Through dyad exercises and a panel of all the types, the IEA presentation illuminated the different faces of personal greed vis a vis each of the nine Enneagram styles. David, Russ, and Jessica allowed us to discover the nuances of greed within ourselves. I’ll use myself and one of my personal greed permutations as an example.

When I’m in my Fiveish space, the Security Point for Seven, I might feel very proud of the fact that I don’t need more stuff or to go shopping. But in fact, my greed may show up very differently - in guarding my private time to the exclusion of loved ones, of withholding time and my presence.

How do I know if this is a product of normal healthy boundary setting or greed? By observing. By activating my inner observer, I can discern the difference. There is a grasping quality, even a desperation to greed. The energetic sense is quite different.

If I’m simply in need of a little time, the energy around that sensed desire feels calm, centered, quiet. I sense no body tightening or strictures and can give myself just enough time for self-care. No more, no less.

Driven by greed, I feel myself pull inside and tighten around my perceived need. I hold myself armored against intrusion. It feels like I might lose something. Energy or time or some ineffable something might be taken from me.

Watching greed within myself, without judgment, simply noticing, allows the relaxation of the stricture. I breathe into the here and now, rather than fearing the future intrusion that may never materialize. I can be present fully to myself and others.

The conversation is only beginning on this critical topic. Think about and/or comment on these questions. How does personal greed appear in your life? How is it related to your Enneagram type? How do you work with greed? And how does generosity play out in your life? Let us know your thoughts, feelings, sensations on the subjects of greed and generosity.

Greed vs Generosity - An Enneagram Inquiry

2009-08-06T10:29:00.001-07:00

David Daniels, Russ Hudson, and Jessica Dibb conducted an important and meaningful session at the IEA (International Enneagram Association) gathering entitled “From Personal Greed to Essential Generosity: The Journey through the Shadow of
Inner Emptiness”.

A didactic intro to greed by David Daniels addressed a biological basis for greed in all mammals. Scarcity, real and imagined, can trigger greed as a survival mechanism. So there’s no blame here - but awareness might help us take a deeper look at greed within each of us.

Further, in the bigger picture, how is greed affecting us on a planetary scale? With so much “plenty” in the first world, how are we succumbing to an inner emptiness, a scarcity that cannot be remedied?

Jessica led a meditation where we were invited to look at greed in our own lives, and how it played out. We also journeyed to connect with our generosity; the ways in which we are open and giving rather than constricted and grasping. Most important was to notice these states without judging.

We broke into dyads and did an exercise of alternating listener and questioner, examining greed and generosity with the lens of our Enneagram types. Essential generosity was a necessary part of the inquiry.

David and Russ then led a panel of each of the nine types. The exemplars revealed their experiences vis a vis their type with greed, generosity, and Essential Generosity. Over and over, regardless of type, greed was experienced as constricting while generosity felt spacious. Noticing body sensations can be a helpful adjunct to the inner observer in illuminating greed vs. generosity.

The inquiry into greed and generosity is critical at this time. Our resources are finite, the world population is growing, and the earth is warming.

As the spiritual texts and teachers say “As Above, So Below”. Addressing personal greed, cultivating awareness of our fullness rather than emptiness, and allowing Essential Generosity to shine through may indeed be some of the most important work we undertake. Ever. Let’s begin a conversation with ourselves and one another to illuminate the shadow of greed right now.

Looking for Happiness? What if It’s Already Here?

2009-07-31T16:14:00.000-07:00

“Happiness is your original nature,” says Robert Holden, PhD, in this morning’s keynote address at the IEA (International Enneagram Association) meeting in Las Vegas. “It is you minus your neuroses.”

Can this be true? Are each of us the only obstacle standing in the way of our own happiness?

Director of the Happiness Project and author of numerous books on the subject, Robert Holden tells us more.

“Happiness is not a thing. It is not a state of mind. It is not outside you. ... It just IS you. Happiness is our spiritual DNA.”

He went on to elucidate our self-imposed blocks to happiness vis a vis our Enneagram types. A basic belef about happiness (that coincides with our type’s worldview),a hidden fear or two, and a mistaken premise illuminate the way each of us hides from our own innate happiness. He then describes how the “Happiness Contract” needs a rewrite so that we may open ourselves to remembering our natural joy.

Here’s an example in brief: the belief or rule that Ones ascribe to is that happiness is deserved. (or not.) One must be very good or perfect, forever and always, to deserve happiness. Sure, that’s easy.

The fear is that we are actually bad inside, that we don’t deserve happiness.

The mistaken premise? X amounts of good behavior can be used as currency for X amounts of happiness.
The rewrite involves the recognition of Perfection as the spiritual path where one cultivates the awareness of perfection everywhere, including in one’s self.

Happiness is you; your true nature. You can’t earn or deserve it. Like Essence, it is already there just waiting for you to notice and remember it.

He shared a prayer with us written by a woman named Macrinia Wiederkehr:

“O God, help me to believe the truth about myself, no matter how beautiful it is. Amen.”

At lunchtime, I downloaded one of his books to my Kindle, “Happiness Now! Timeless Wisdom for Feeling Good FAST” and headed out to the pool for some “remembering” time.

For more updates from the IEA conference, you can follow me on Twitter: twitter.com/lynettesheppard

Energies of the Enneagram Head Triad

2009-07-22T18:16:00.000-07:00

Enneagram types Five, Six, and Seven make up the head center triad. The emotion that fuels their drives is fear. Their energies or force fields reflect the internalized, externalized, and forgotten aspects of this emotion.

Type Five
Triad: Head
Emotion: Fear - Internalized
Drive: Avarice
Energy: “Invisible” Detachment

Five represents the internalized version of fear. The mental center creates a haven where Fives can retreat. The realm of ideas and knowledge will keep one safe. The drive for the Five is avarice, greed for knowledge and privacy. Fives fear being overwhelmed by outside stimuli, emotions, or events (surprises) they can’t prepare for. Five’s strategic defense of withdrawal includes the withdrawal of life force to an internal safe place, like a castle with the drawbridge pulled up.

Those of us who inhabit the rest of the Enneagram Points experience this absence of vital being. The energy is simply “not there”. The body is present and seems to occupy space, but the force field is gone. As a result, the Five can avoid being “seen” and their presence at a meeting or event may not be remembered. Worse, it may bring about the feared intrusion as we try to “find” the Five, energetically. If the Five has not withdrawn, we can experience running into a very strong boundary when we “intrude.” We seem to bounce off a very strong force field - a seeming “get back” vibe.

When dealing with a Five’s energy, take special care to pull your own force field back close to your body. Be careful not to overwhelm the Five with your energy. Respect the Five’s strong boundaries.

Type Six
Triad: Head
Emotion: Fear - Externalized
Drive: Fear/Doubt
Energy: Fight Six - Jabbing Confrontation
Flight Six - “Poised For Flight” Scanning

Six is the externalized version of Fear. The mental centers capacity for imagination is highly developed in the Six, who continually “imagines” the worst case scenario, and then plans to keep himself safe. Doubt is the drive that manifests as a natural outgrowth of Fear - and Sixes doubt nearly everything.

Six’s two manifestations of Flight and Fight, have very different ways of expressing Fear, hence they have very different energetics. The Fight Six jumps right in with both feet, when up against a scary, dangerous world. Action is the antidote to fear. They may even purposely engage in daredevil pursuits to exert control over or conquer their fear. Hidden motives can be brought to light if you confront others - provoke them until the truth comes out.

Not surprisingly, the energy of the Fight Six can feel jabbing to the rest of us. There is a push, then a withdraw of the force field. Another push, withdraw. It is the energetic equivalent of the Cowardly Lion confronting the Scarecrow and Tin Man. The Fight Six checks us out like a prizefighter circling his opponent, waiting for the worst.

Phobic or Flight Six asks for confirmation. S/he scans the environment for dangers. Charm and warmth are used to disarm potential enemies. A childlike sweetness can evoke protector impulses in the rest of us. Energy is high up around the head and out from the body in 360 degrees - swirling and scanning the environment like radar. Like a fearful rabbit, energy comes forward and scurries back in a repeating pattern as trust develops.

Keep your answers, promises, and energy rock-solid when dealing with a Six. Stay focused and in your body. Don’t react to the Fight Six by pushing your force field at him - like the Cowardly Lion when slapped by Dorothy - he’ll crumple.

Type Seven
Triad: Head
Emotion: Fear - Forgotten
Drive: Gluttony
Energy: Airy Excitement

Sevens are driven by Fear, but “forgot” they were afraid. The mental center is used as a diversion from what invokes fear, by imagining pleasant future options and possibilities. Even memory can be affected, and only pleasant memories are easily recalled, or a positive interpretation is placed on remembered, painful events.

The drive for Seven is Gluttony - for life experience, adventure, and possibility. So the Seven races from course to course, frenetically sampling life’s banquet in an effort to stay high and optimistic.

The energy of Sevens feels airy and effervescent. Their excitement can be contagious, but also exhausting. Like a ping pong ball giddily bouncing in a chaotic pattern, the Seven is the energetic equivalent of Peter Pan, grabbing ideas like fairy dust from the air, then sprinkling and leaving them as quickly when something else has grabbed his attention. If you try to focus or limit a Seven, swooooosh - their energy is out the door to Never Never Land, even if their body remains in the room.

It is easy to get caught up in a Seven’s enthusiastic energy and lose focus. When dealing with a Seven, stay focused and centered. Keep your own energy or force field lower in your body, closer to the ground. This will help prevent your getting caught up in the Seven’s tornado of visions and ideas, losing sight of your own priorities.

Energies of the Enneagram Heart Triad

2009-07-09T16:53:00.000-07:00

Two, Three, and Four make up the heart center triad. The emotion that fuels their drives is grief. Other Enneagram authors also refer to this triad as the “image” triad, due to these three types’ concern with how others perceive them. Grief or sadness ensues when each feels s/he has substituted an image as full or partial replacement for a loss of self.

Type Two
Triad: Heart
Emotion: Grief - Externalized
Drive: Pride
Energy: Aggressive Affection

Point Two is the externalized version of grief. S/he feels others feelings, empathizes with their pain, and works to meet their needs and heal them. A Two has an image of himself as the Giver and caretaker; the one without needs who can intuit and meet the needs of others. The “charge” of the emotional battery is externalized to others by the Two, so s/he doesn’t need to feel her own. Of course the downside of this occurs when the Two’s battery is discharged until it is empty.

The drive for Two is Pride. The Two tells a story of feeling her energy coming out from the middle of her chest to another with whom she desires connection. She divines through her emotional center what the significant person needs. Unfortunately, because her life force is externalized and probing others, she is out of touch with herself. Her pride shows itself in that she believes she knows not only another’s needs, but how to meet those needs. Another aspect of pride is reflected in Two’s belief that she herself does not have needs.

Those of us who attract the Two’s focused attention feel the intensity of being the center of the Two’s universe. Our intrinsic value is verified by the Two. The energy feels like a warm, aggressive force field coming from the Two’s heart toward us, enfolding us. This can feel wonderful or intrusive.

When a Two is overwhelmed or frenetically giving, s/he can fall victim to a swirling chaos of emotions or ‘hysteria’. Although this energy is like an emotional whirlwind, it is important for us to stay present and solid when hysteria erupts. Twos already fear that we will abandon them - if we stay steady, offer focused clarity, and do not leave the room, the Two will profoundly appreciate this. And we will avoid getting caught up in the maelstrom of ‘hysteria’.

Type Four
Triad: Heart
Emotion: Grief - Internalized
Drive: Envy
Energy: Dramatic Pull

Four represents the internalized version of grief in the Heart triad. Fours tell a tale of loss and longing for a pivotal missing piece that is central to their feeling whole and complete. Rather than externalize grief like the Two (others need help, I don’t), the Four internalizes and focuses on her sadness. In fact, the Four may amplify or intensify the sadness in order to explore it deeply. An image that reveals Four’s uniqueness or defectiveness in others eyes, serves to enhance and continue the feeling of loss that no one else can understand. The emotional charge of grief is found in the Four’s rich inner life of bittersweet longing.

Envy grows out of this grief and becomes the Four’s drive. Not only is the Four missing some elemental piece that would make life complete, but it is clear that others have it. The Four longs for the completeness, the love, that others have. If she fixates attention on a person (or job, place, whatever) that she feels will complete her, she feels the tug of her heartstrings toward the desired.

The rest of the the Enneagram Points feel the Four’s heart as if it were pulling at them. Four does not want to leave her rich inner world, but rather to bring the other to them to join and make her finally complete. Energetically, there can be a magnetic pull toward the Four’s depth. Even their energy seems “special,” somehow different. The difference pulls seductively.

The Four’s energy pulls at the desired. As it comes closer to being realized, the Four may find flaws and push it away. So energy can pull - and then push away. As the desired person or object recedes into the distance, it may become desired again, and the Four pulls it back toward her. It may be confusing to the desired person to experience this push-pull energetic.

The Four wishes to be met emotionally. Remember your own boundaries and cultivate clarity when you meet a Four’s intensity. This will make it possible to honor the realm in which they live, without feeling pulled into the vortex of emotion. Listen and stay present with the Four, work on understanding rather than helping or changing them. Constancy and steadiness will help you deal with the push-pull energy.

Type Three
Triad: Heart
Emotion: Grief - Forgotten
Drive: Deceit
Energy: Charismatic Producer

Three is the member of the heart triad, who simply “forgot” their grief. Threes are busy, optimistic people. The emotional charge of grief is set aside while enormous amounts of energy are channeled into doing and presenting a successful image to others. The Three can appear very driven or workaholic. They are prodigious producers. Grief is an emptiness that the Three can avoid by continuing to juggle multiple tasks, projects,, or adjusting his image to be seen as successful.

The Three’s habit of deceit is mainly self-deceit, in that he deceives himself into believing that he is the image that he projects. “I am what I do” or “I am my image” displaces authentic desires and preoccupations. Three tricks himself into believing that he is whatever will gain him success in others’ eyes. On a deeper level, the Three believes that there is no authentic self underneath the image, so he’d better keep dazzling you with his successful performance. Otherwise you could see that there is nothing but smoke and mirrors covering an empty hole.

Swirling like smoke and brilliant like mirrors, the Three’s energy is captivating. It is moving and shaking, inspiring energy. We listen with bated breath, suspending our own disbelief, when the Three comes toward us from his heart, simultaneously divining and making the subtle image shifts that will gain our love. A Five described a famous Three politician “I saw him speak and I was so uplifted and inspired, I would have followed him anywhere. Later, I tried to recall what he said, and I couldn’t come up with a single concrete position. And I consider myself a critical thinker.”

Be attentive to substance as well as performance. Cultivate awareness of your own center when confronted with the charisma of the Three. Do not directly confront or embarrass a Three by declaring the Emperor has no clothes. Honor a Three for who s/he is rather than the performance.

Enneagram Energies of the Gut Triad

2009-07-02T11:02:00.000-07:00

Let’s now take a look at the energy of the individual types, starting with the Gut Triad, Enneagram types Eight, One, and Nine.

Gut Triad

Eight, Nine, and One are the types that make up the gut center triad. The underlying emotion associated with the gut center is anger. It fuels the drive or passion for each of the gut types.

Type Eight
Triad: Gut
Emotion: Anger - Externalized
Drive: Lust
Energy: Lust, Larger than Life

Eight represents the externalized version of anger. their anger is like a summer thunderstorm; it rises quickly, it booms and pounds intensely, and it’s over in a flash. When it’s finished, it’s finished. The air is clear.

Eight’s drive or passion plays out as Excess or Lust (Lust in this instance refers to a “lust for life” rather than the sexual connotation.) Live life to the fullest, and then go further. Taste it, eat it, smell it! Give it everything you’ve got. Hold nothing back!

So it’s not surprising that the energy of Eights strikes the rest of us as large. They fill up a room energetically. We feel their will and strength as a large force field extending out from them, pushing ahead with their agenda. We can either feel energized or intimidated by this energy. However we may feel, Eights want to be met energetically. “Sensing” from the gut, they push the force field out to check your force field. They want to know where you stand. Are you friend or foe? Will you stand your ground? Are you worthy?

If you are intimidated and flee (either actually or with your energy by withdrawing inside yourself), the Eight moves forward. You may be foe or unworthy, and since the Eight can’t sense your presence, s/he must move forward to confront, to find out what you’re really made of.

An Eight stewardess describes her experience: “When people pull back from me or I can’t get a sense of them, it feels like there’s a “power void” and I must move into it. I realize this now, and I’m working on just allowing the void, but my natural reaction is to fill up the space.” Nature abhors a vacuum, and no type exemplifies this more than Eights.

To honor the Eight, we need to meet their considerable energy. To do this, we need to push our own energy from our gut. Bring your attention to the belly center. Now push out your own force field. Allow their force field to probe and find you. If you are trying to communicate with an Eight, be clear, direct, to the point. Don’t be wishy-washy, don’t explain your entire thinking process, just let ‘er rip. Stand your ground, while pushing out with your own force field. Do not escalate the conflict or discussion - this will just cause the Eight’s energy to rise. Unless you are an Eight, you can’t rise as far as they can, and you’ll be crushed. By the same token, do not wimp out or withdraw your energy. State your position clearly, firmly, and briefly while pushing out with your force field. Show yourself to be worthy of respect in the world of the Eight.

Type One
Triad: Gut
Emotion: Anger - Internalized
Drive: Resentment
Energy: Rigid Containment

One contains the internalized version of anger - resentment. Anger is stuffed deep inside and seeps out in in the guise of irritation, frustration, and resentment. Anger can even be turned against the One himself in the form of haranguing by the internal critic. In this sense, Ones’ anger is more like an active volcano that is not allowed to blow. Small bursts of steam vent through clenched teeth as the One seethes.

Resentment is the drive or passion of the One. Small wonder since anger doesn’t get blown off as with the Eight. A One is angry at “having” to circumvent her own desires for that which should be done. Furthermore, there doesn’t seem to be any reward for being virtuous and responsible. One is angry at the inherent unfairness of this situation. Others just skate by, shirking responsibility or cutting corners, and they aren’t penalized for it. In fact, others seem to be enjoying pleasure and indulging their desires, without necessarily having earned them.

The other eight Points of the Enneagram experience Ones’ energy as contained, but intense. (Pragmatic clarity and seriousness characterize Ones, when not angry.) There is a sense that if the One did blow, it would be along the lines of Krakatoa. Sometimes, the energy can feel stabbing - like a small slice by the force field with each vent of steam, in the form of criticism. We can find ourselves on the defensive and pushing back angrily.

To meet One’s energy, focus your attention on your belly and the ground. Keep your force field constant. Rather than get defensive, explain your position clearly and calmly. Take the One seriously, and above all don’t criticize him. Remember the inner critic is already bashing him. Point out while staying in your gut that there is more than one right answer, but elicit his help with change whenever possible. One’s energy can be rigid, tight when change is called for. Allow time if possible for the One to adjust to the change, and elicit their help with the change whenever possible.

Type Nine
Triad: Gut
Emotion: Anger - Forgotten
Drive: Sloth or Indolence
Energy: Diffuse Extension

Nines lost awareness of or “forgot” they were angry, but they are no less driven by it than are Ones and Eights. Anger is kept safely hidden from the Nine’s view, but s/he pays a price by also losing her own priorities, desires, even her passion. The strength and action that are the birthright of the gut center are simply not felt. Nines are like an inactive volcano. It takes a lot of energy not to notice something, which may help explain why Nines often feel ‘low energy’ or feel they are enlivened by the energy of others.

Their drive is sloth or indolence toward their own priorities or agendas. Down in the gut lives anger, which the Nine has “forgotten,” but what also lives there is Passion and Life Force and a Nine’s own desires/needs. This inadvertent sacrifice has Nines seemingly just blowing whichever way the wind blows, just going along with life, rather than actively participating or creating a life.

Nines seem diffuse energetically to the rest of us, as if the molecules of their force field are spread out over a great distance. They passively sense their environment from the gut center and take in energy and cues from their surroundings and others. Their energy and attention can extend over a large area. One Nine told me “I sometimes feel that I can sense what is going on on the whole property, even though I’m in the front office.”

Their feeling of being merged or “One with everything” can leave the rest of us wondering if they have a separate self or preference. They appear to just go along. If pushed hard however, they seem to sweetly solidify into a smiling immovable object. While they haven’t chosen a course of action, they have rejected being pushed into one. We find them to be calm, peaceful, easygoing folk, albeit a little extended into the environment. Being with a Nine can feel like falling into a big, comfortable space. It is important to maintain awareness of your boundaries so that you don’t get “lost” in the Niney space.

To truly honor a Nine, allow time for him/her to make a decision without jumping in either with words or non-verbally with your energy (force field) to give them a decision to merge with. Stay steady, don't push, calmly redirect the Nine to making his/her preference known.

New Version of An Enneagram Favorite

2009-06-24T11:29:00.000-07:00

David Daniels and Virginia Price have released a new, updated version of their wonderful book The Essential Enneagram. Most of you know that I am no fan of Enneagram tests save as a way to begin self inquiry - this book contains my favorite of the tests to use for that purpose. It's full of useful information to begin or add to your Enneagram journey. The authors and publisher want to make it available to everyone and the price tag of $12 ($10.18 at Amazon) makes it a book no Enneagram enthusiast can afford to pass up.

Click here to buy it on Amazon.

Energy and The Enneagram Part III

2009-06-21T13:12:00.000-07:00

Energy and the Three Triads
We've been talking about the "energy" of the Enneagram types in the latest blog posts. What is energy? How does this play out for each of the types.

The dictionary uses substance, intensity, spirit, and strength as synonyms for the word energy. We might even use the word vibration. We notice an energetic of each person we meet, though we usually don’t use the word energy to describe them. We might say “s/he really takes up a lot of space.” “I feel uplifted and excited just being around them.” “It feels like s/he doesn’t have much flexibility, once a decision’s been made.” It’s like his body’s in the room, but he’s somewhere else.”

These statements are all descriptions of energetic states that we sense. Feeling and sensing our environment are aspects of emotional intelligence and natural to us as human beings. We can also sense the energy of other people. And each of the Enneagram types has its own particular energetic. It is as if each of us has a force field that contains our energy or life force.

Each triad of the Enneagram is driven by an emotion linked to the primary intelligence center. The gut triad is driven by anger, the head triad by fear, and the heart triad by grief. Individual types within the triad play out the emotion in a different manner. In each group of three, one type externalizes the emotion, one type internalizes the emotion, and the third type has “forgotten” that emotion. The underlying emotion and the primary center of intelligence seem to ‘create’ the energy or force field of each of the type. Therefore the energy or force field is embodied very differently by each of the Enneagram types.

In attempting to recognize another person’s type, sensing their energy or force field can be invaluable. We all may embody all the traits and characteristics of the Enneagram types at different times or in different situations. The energy we feel from another can give us clues as to how they come at the world and narrow down their type for us.

Energy - Sensing The Force Field

In our attempt to discover another’s type, we can tap into our emotional intelligence and sense their energy or vital force. In blog posts to come, we'll examine descriptions of each type and how their energy or ‘force field’ feels to the rest of us. In so doing, we gain a map reading tool in finding another individual’s type on the Enneagram map.

It may be helpful in our understanding of the specific manifestation of the force field for each type to examine the triad, the underlying emotion, and the drive the emotion fuels. Most important, we will learn how to meet and honor other energies vis a vis their Enneagram types. Energy becomes a profound tool for understanding and connecting with others.

What's Your Number? Understanding Your Enneagram Type

2009-05-27T12:13:00.001-07:00

Great article here on Huffpo. Thanks, Karen. Twenty years ago when I began teaching the Enneagram, I would tell people what I did and they would need me to spell the word and explain in depth. Now when I'm on a plane or at a gathering and mention the Enneagram, I'm more likely to hear "I'm a Six" or "We learned it at work, I"m a One." The Enneagram is merely a map, not the territory. One of the best things about this map is that it promotes inquiry with a common language - it is not simply categorization. (And it is not the only map that does this, but I find it the most profound and useful.) Things we might have taken personally, we come to realize are often simply people being themselves. The Enneagram promotes awareness and consciousness, not stereotyping. It is rich and deep - and if we are lucky and aware, someday we will no longer need any map for understanding one another - we will truly be able to appreciate the territory of another as well as ourselves.

For more resources or to learn more, check out www.everydayenneagramblog.blogspot.com and www.9points.com.

Lynette Sheppard

author of The Everyday Enneagram
About Relationships
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

Energy and The Enneagram Part II

2009-05-24T19:18:00.000-07:00

The nine types of the Enneagram can be further divided into three “triads” or groups of three, based on the primary center of intelligence through which the world is understood and reactions are formulated. These energy centers are like complementary organs of perception that help us make sense of our environment and relationships. Types 8, 9, and 1 share the gut as the primary center or organ of perception. The heart is the primary center for types 2, 3, and 4. Types 5, 6, and 7 use primarily the head center.

Head Center
The head center is useful in logical reasoning, abstract thought, the use of language and symbols, and imagery. It is also the organ of perception involved in planning, memory, strategizing, and envisioning pitfalls and possibilities. Our dreams and our visions of the future are created in the head center. We synthesize information and make mental connections here. It is the center that we most commonly associate with understanding and “intelligence.”

When many of us first attended school, we discovered that we were to use the head center as our primary intelligence for learning. IQ tests were based on head center skills such as memory and logical or abstract thought. 5’s, 6’s, and 7’s probably felt right at home. Unfortunately, 6/9 of the Enneagram types were asked to value the head center over their primary learning and understanding center. Small wonder that many of us felt misunderstood or had difficulty adapting to “head centered” learning.

Heart Center
The heart center is important to our emotional life. This is the center where we feel connection to other beings as well as to ourselves. The heart center is the repository of our love, empathy and compassion. Love and loss, bliss and pain reside in the heart. Our ability to intuit how we appear to others is located in this center of intelligence. We understand how others perceive us through the heart center. We tap into others’ approval or disapproval of us, and feel what adjustments will shift their perceptions. (Fours often make adjustments against what will gain another’s approval - to prove their uniqueness and that no one can understand them. But make no mistake, they are just as concerned with how they are perceived as are Twos and Threes.)

Gut Center
The gut center is the instinctual and sensate center. The world is sensed or felt from the belly, below the umbilicus. The gut center senses the spatial location of objects and people in the environment. Sensing the elemental, the realms of wind, rain, earth, rock, and storm, comes naturally to the gut center, . This is the center of our intuition or “gut knowing.” This center instinctively knows the ‘best” way to do something. The gut ‘senses’ conflict vs harmony in the environment even when no words are spoken. This is the center of our power, our strength, and our instinctual knowing.

Emotional Intelligence
The skills and talents of the heart and gut centers can be best described as our emotional and sensory intelligence. Daniel Goleman, in his excellent books on Emotional Intelligence refers to our EQ or emotional intelligence quotient. He describes those natural abilities of the heart and gut centers. Many of us have not cultivated or exercised these aptitudes, even if our primary intelligence center is the heart or gut. We may not have been cognizant of their existence nor have understood their importance to our daily living. Yet we use them all the time, whether we are aware of it or not.

The Centers of Intelligence in Daily Life
Let’s look at the contribution of these three centers of intelligence to an everyday decision faced by each of us at some point in life - finding a home or place to live.

We look at the factual information: how far we’ll need to travel to work, whether it fits in our price range, if it is close to shopping or schools, or other services. We look at the rooms, imagine how we might decorate them, and what we might change to fit our vision of a home. All of these are the purview of the head center.

The intelligence of the heart center is concerned with connection - is this a place that we might feel connected to ourselves and/or others? How will our friends and family feel about this move? Will we make new friends or feel connected to our neighbors? Do we feel emotionally drawn here? A sense of loss of the old home may even be felt in the midst of the anticipation of the new.

The gut center helps us to sense layout of the space - the feel of the rooms, whether expansive or cozy, open or protected. We get a sense of the area, the neighborhood from our gut. Is it friendly or adversarial, safe or hostile, open or secluded? Our gut instinct tells us if this is the right neighborhood, house, or place for us.

All of the intelligence of the three centers comes into play when we are making a decision. If all three are in agreement that the choice is right, the decision is easy. If there is conflict among the intelligences, we may struggle to ‘think it through.” Or we may decide against the move, waiting until it “feels right.” However, we may not be able to articulate why we chose as we did, if we are only aware of our head or mental center as the intelligence behind our decision-making process.

On the occasions that we have been aware of using the heart and gut centers’ abilities as part of our everyday life, we may have learned to discount them, to devalue their contribution, or to hide our reliance on them. As we learn the role of each of the centers intelligences, we may avail ourselves of their perspectives. The information derived from all three of these centers is vital to our becoming fully conscious and functioning human beings. And because this sensing or emotional intelligence is an innate part of being human, we can re-incorporate or re-member these abilities with only a little practice.

Exercise - Part I.
Think back to an important decision you made in your life. Remember if you can, the role of the three centers of intelligence in your decision making process. How did thinking, feeling, and sensing contribute to and affect your decision?

Part II.
For the next decision you have to make, consciously assess its parameters with all three centers of intelligence. What does your head tell you? Your heart? Your gut? Are they in agreement?
(Material adapted from The Everyday Enneagram. )

Energy, Centers of Intelligence, and the Enneagram

2009-05-17T13:05:00.000-07:00

Determining your Point on the Enneagram of personality is best accomplished as a personal journey of self-discovery. The journey may be short or long depending on a number of factors: how well you know your internal terrain, how much you’ve camouflaged your natural personality to “get along” in the world, and the amount of time you spend noticing your thoughts, feelings, and actions.

A number of written tests have been developed that purport to find your Enneagram type. Unfortunately, results have been inconclusive (ambiguous) at best, and just plain wrong at worst. Nevertheless, a written test can be useful in beginning the process of inquiry into your habitual way of thinking, feeling, and acting.

Why don’t the tests conclusively ascertain our type? The Enneagram describes a worldview, certain beliefs and traits associated with that worldview, and habitual ways of perceiving and being in everyday life. Many of these aspects of type can be elucidated through pencil and paper tests. However, a very important element eludes reduction to multiple choice questions: the energy of each of the Enneagram types. That’s right - energy.

Energy is the manifestation of the life force of each of us. We sense the “energy” or substance of another individual whenever we come in contact with him. We feel if he “takes up a lot of space” or seems “lightweight”, if he seems “down to earth” or “transparent, almost invisible.” These descriptions by ordinary people about others embody what we mean by “energy”. We don’t physically see this energy, yet we have a ‘sense’ of the substance or life force of another even if we don’t think of it as “energy.” Each of the types has a specific energetic; a type of energy based on the primary center of intelligence utilized by the type. Each type also expresses a basic underlying emotion. How that basic, subconscious emotion is addressed by each particular type contributes to the “energetic.”

Centers of Intelligence: Making Sense of Our World

We perceive and interpret information from the environment through our five senses of hearing, seeing, taste, touch, and smell. Each of these senses has its own intelligence, adding to our conception and experience of the world around us. Yet we have more than our five senses to help us parse our environment and those that people it. We take in vital information through three additional senses or centers of intelligence. These centers are less well known, but are indispensable to understanding how we develop a worldview.

The three centers are the head or visionary center, the heart or emotional center, and the gut or instinctual center. All humans have all three centers of intelligence; although we may not access each of them equally. In the next few blog entries, we’ll examine the three centers in greater detail, how energy manifests for each Enneagram type, and how to feel and work with these different energies. Stay tuned.
(Material adapted from The Everyday Enneagram: A Personality Map for Enhancing Your Work, Love, and Life...Everyday.)

Celebrate World Enneagram Day

2009-05-02T17:29:00.000-07:00

After a looooooooong hiatus, the Everyday Enneagram Blog is back online. While the blogsite took a backseat to hot flashes and hormonal hissy fits during the completion of my latest book “The Big M”, the Enneagram itself was a lifesaver as I found myself bouncing from stress type to security to types I’ve never truly accessed before. The Change of life is a bit like a virulent and sudden case of MPD - Multiple Personality Disorder. And I gotta tell you, it’s a chance to explore the low side of all Nine types. Without ever leaving home. Or talking to another soul. (More info on The Big M available at Menopause Goddess Blog and The Big M website. )

Thankfully, tincture of time has allowed for a reintegration of personality back to my Seven - One - Five home triangle. Just in time to announce “World Enneagram Day” on Saturday, May 30, 2009. Brainchild of the Board of Directors of the International Enneagram Association, this day is dedicated to awareness, consciousness, and presence vis a vis the Enneagram as a map to understanding.

Many of us who are teachers and consultants will be offering free Enneagram talks, classes, and group discussions. Our greater Enneagram community (which is ALL of you readers and seekers as well as teachers) are asked to focus attention and intention through inquiry, meditation, and prayer for all beings in the name of Peace.

To find out more as time draws nearer, visit the International Enneagram Association website for classes and activities near you. Stay tuned to this blogsite as well, and since you are all part of this co-creation, please offer your ideas, insights and suggestions.

Enneagram Personality Types of the Candidates

2008-08-22T15:38:00.000-07:00

We Enneagram enthusiasts cannot resist the temptation to type public figures. And while we know that we are really only guessing at type by observing external cues rather than apprehending the inner terrain that the Enneagram truly describes, we can’t seem to help ourselves. That’s okay, just as long as we don’t take ourselves to seriously. I like Tom Condon’s take on typing when you don’t know the person: he seems Oneish or Niney, rather than claiming he knows definitively a public person’s Enneagram type.

With that disclaimer, let’s take a look at the way the current presidential political candidates present themselves.

Eight years ago, John McCain exemplified type Eight. He was the maverick with a temper known for his Straight Talk. Watching him during a debate with George Bush was like watching a cat toy with a mouse. He provoked counterphobic Six Bush until W. finally lashed back at him. McCain smiled at him and said something akin to “Very good, George.” Eights want to know where you stand and respect having their considerable energy met.

But today, we see a very different John McCain. He stammers out answers to questions or defers to his staff. What’s happening here? Has the Straight Talk Express derailed? Is he really too old to be President? Has he slowed mentally?

I don’t know the answers to any of the questions, but the Enneagram and its movement might shed a little light on this seeming sea change. Remember that Eightishness did not prevail in the election of 2000 - George Bush won the nomination. It’s enough to shake the confidence of any candidate, even an Eight.

Watching John McCain in 2008, I don’t necessarily perceive a man whose “lost it” but rather an Eight in the stress point of Five. His hesitancy to answer questions with the bluntness of the past and his constant replies that he “needs to check on that” are Fiveish. Fives don’t shoot from the hip too often, but most often will want more information before they commit themselves to a definitive statement or course of action. Right now, McCain looks tentative in comparison to the McCain of old.

Barack Obama is the great orator; the man with the gift of language and inspiration. His social Threeishness has people comparing him with another great Three candidate of the past: John F. Kennedy. Obama, if indeed he is a Three, is solidly on point. He’s charming and captivating with a positive message - hope. (A higher virtue for Three interestingly enough.)

There are hints of his heart or security point of Six in his desire for social justice, equality in health care access, and other issues he places priority on, but it may also be a Three take on public service. What we have not seen publicly thus far is a move to the Stress Point of Nine. But then he’s been either tied or leading in the polls thus far - what happens if that changes remains to be seen.

Of course, the potential downside of Three is a tendency to be more performance and image than substance and there are certainly those who question whether Obama has real plans or the experience to govern. In other words, is there substance as well as show?

Regardless of your political leanings or persuasion, it is interesting to apply the Enneagram map to what we see in our candidates. Would that they all were conversant with the Enneagram and their own types, how better might they serve? If a candidate knew his or her Enneagram style and understood the gifts and pitfalls of type, stress and security points, how might each be able to predict and handle themselves in difficult situations?

Those of us who use the Enneagram in our own daily lives can attest to the power of stepping back from our default mode, making sure we are running the personality and not the converse. It’s important to know your strengths, but maybe even more important to know what trips you up so you aren’t caught by surprise or entrenched in a habitual worldview when the situation calls for a different way of perceiving and acting. As Dirty Harry quipped, “A man’s got to know his limitations.” Only then can we rise above them.

Traveling To Other Cultures - Enneagram Style

2008-07-18T16:04:00.000-07:00

Meeting another who inhabits an Enneagram type different from our own is indeed like traveling to another land or culture. Here are a few more hints to aid us in understanding and honoring one another.

Travelers Hint # 2: When in Rome, Do As the Romans Do

Honor the culture that you are visiting. Learn enough of the customs, language, and energetics of emotional intelligence for the land that you are visiting. This is easier than we initially think. Remember that we all had the potential of all nine types in us at the beginning, so shifting our worldview takes paying attention and being fully present. At some level, it is not a completely unknown territory. We can learn by immersing ourselves in another culture, another worldview. We will only be richer for it. Here’s an example:

My friend Bronwyn Cooke was on assignment for National Geographic photographing a group of women who live high in the Himalayan peaks in Hunza, Pakistan. Bronwyn spoke not a word of their language, nor did these women speak any English. Very little information was available about their culture, customs, etc. (That’s why the Geographic sent Bronwyn there.) Bronwyn wondered anxiously how she would communicate, much less take any photographs. Then she “forgot” what she knew and responded in the moment. She saw a woman come out of a hut, pour water into a bowl and begin to wash carefully. Bronwyn went over to the woman and gazed at her when the woman locked eyes with her and smiled. Quite naturally, Bronwyn simply began to bathe with her. They smiled and shared a common experience. When Bronwyn finally raised her camera as the woman was braiding her hair, she smiled her consent to the photographs. Through openness and a willingness to explore, following the lead of the cultural expert, Bronwyn had no trouble communicating and building a relationship.

Meeting someone where s/he lives involves letting go momentarily of what we “know” and exploring the world s/he inhabits. We can immerse ourselves in the culture of another by entering their worldview and experiencing it from within.

Travelers Hint # 3: Leave Your Own Country Behind

Travel lightly. Your own baggage will only cloud things, so leave as much of it behind as you can. If you do take your own history and worldview into a communication of cultures, do so from a learning perspective, as an invitation to open inquiry. “I see it like ... How is this for you?” “Is this a Three thing?” “A Nine thing?” “It looks like x is happening, is that true?” “What is your experience of this?” We can communicate even in another culture that we are very unfamiliar with by openness and presence, and leaving behind for a moment our Enneagram “country” or culture.
Cultural misunderstandings can occur from seemingly small gestures or communications, such as pointing your toes at a Thai person. It’s no different when different Enneagram cultures meet in relationship. Nowhere is this more important than in intimate relationship. It often seems that the little things are what may make or break a relationship. Misunderstanding can result from tiny details of everyday life, if we only view reality from our own perspective and miss the view from our intimate’s perspective. Scores of little misunderstandings result in cultural conflict and standoffs. We often act like the stereotypical “ugly American” visiting another culture, believing that repeating our viewpoint or speaking our language more loudly will make us understood. These little misunderstandings can expand into major difficulties in relationship. Our best bet is to drop our automatic reference point and open to that of our intimate’s. We can enlist our partner’s help in learning and seeing reality from their view, and a mutual expansion of “reality” can result. Let me illustrate with two “little things” from my relationship.

I am a Seven and my husband is an Three. It is important to him to present the right image, especially in his work, speaking to corporations. Often he will come to me bearing three wonderful ties, all of which match his current outfit. “Which one should I wear?” From my own viewpoint of Seven, they all look good, so it doesn’t matter. Yet, if I were to answer from this, it would completely dishonor his viewpoint. I try to see for a moment from the Three perspective - and tie selection seems critically important from that viewpoint.
He is having an image crisis, this tie selection is a survival issue. In order to truly honor him, I must realize this, take a deep breath, and really turn my complete attention to choosing one. And surprisingly, I find that it takes no more time to honor his viewpoint than to substantiate mine. (Notice that I turned my attention to choosing the tie - we are back to noticing and directing attention as we did in our self-development work.)

I on the other hand, am driven by fear. (Remember Sevens are the fear type who “forgot” they were afraid.) We were driving in a torrential downpour one late Florida night. My goal-directed spouse was passing all the obstacles on the highway, determined to reach our airport destination. The other cars were simply in the way. I succumbed to fear, seeing crumpled steel and our broken bodies in my imagination. Finally I could stand it no longer. “Could you slow down a little?” I asked shakily. Dewitt looked over at me and in a rapid shift of perspectives declared, “Oh my god, you’re scared, aren’t you?” I nodded as he took his foot off the gas and coasted in behind a truck in the slow lane. “It would never occur to me to be scared, I feel in complete control of the situation. Still it is never my intention to frighten you. I simply don’t operate from fear. I only want to get there. But hey, we aren’t really late, and it doesn’t matter that much to me.” Before knowing the Enneagram and the difference in our “cultures”, Dewitt felt that he might have just said “Oh that’s stupid. There’s nothing to be afraid of, I’m in complete control. Don’t worry.” and just kept passing the obstacles. It would have been the perfect set-up for a major blow-up - all from a tiny misunderstanding of worldviews.

Stay tuned for more traveler’s hints in the next blog entry.
(Material partially adapted from "The Everyday Enneagram" by Lynette Sheppard.)

Viva la Difference - An Enneagram Guidebook

2008-07-10T10:59:00.000-07:00

I just returned from a working vacation in France. As always, when I travel to an unfamiliar land, I tried to learn as much as I could to honor the culture I was visiting. That wasn’t too difficult in the case of France, since I am an avid Francophile. It’s a little harder when I travel to a place that I have little in common with or know little about.

Relating to another personality type is much like visiting another culture or country. The Points on the Enneagram are like Nine different countries, each with its own worldview, values, and belief systems. In order to communicate with or visit one of these “countries,” we need to learn a little about the language, customs, and cosmology. We must discover and enter the prevailing culture of each type. Only then can we begin to honor one another’s unique differences and celebrate our human diversity.

Suppose you are to visit Thailand. You’ve never been there and you’d like to experience the culture. You begin by obtaining and studying a detailed map: a guidebook. You learn a little about the geography and beauty of the land. You might learn a little of the language and some of the customs and taboos. You discover that you must never point your foot at a Thai person, or touch them on the head, as these gestures are considered rude and insulting in the extreme. As a visitor to the culture, you want to be sure to honor the Thai people.

Yet even if you were to read every Thailand guidebook in existence, you would still know only a very little bit about any individual Thai person. The rest of your experience of this unfamiliar culture would best be served by attentive exploration with an open heart and mind.

If we approach our interactions with others as a journey to a new culture, with much to offer and teach us, we truly find a path with heart. The Enneagram map acts as a travel guide to assist us in our exploration.

Let us start our guidebook with some generic “Travelers Hints” to prepare our minds and hearts for open exploration. These hints may help us to leave behind the cultural bias of our own Enneagram type long enough to truly appreciate another worldview. We’ve learned through work in self-development with the Inner Observer how to recognize and stand back from our automatic mode. This creates an “open space” in our internal landscape where learning and appreciating another culture can take place. Our first step is to let go of what we know.

“Travelers Hint # 1: There is no such thing as “Objective Reality”

Each of us is so used to living in our own culture, our own personality that we have come to believe this is reality. All nine worldviews are equally entrenched in believing they know the truth of objective reality. A Six “knows” that the world is an inherently dangerous place, and that vigilance and plans are your best chance of attaining security. A Nine “knows” that good things come to those who wait; most things work out for the best anyway, so why worry and rush around when it feels so much better to be peaceful. An Eight “knows” that only the strong survive in this jungle we call life and that the truth will out in a good fight. A Four “knows” that authenticity is only to be found in deep feeling and intense emotional connection. Reality is colored and created by our perceptual bias. In fact, we actually sort information to support our worldview, ignoring or filtering out contradictory evidence.

When solidly fixed in our own Enneagram point of view it can be difficult to remember that a person inhabiting another type has a separate but equal “objective reality.” For this reason, it is important that we continue to step back from our default mode, and question our own perspective. We attribute feelings and thoughts to our others based on the cues we observe from them. Yet these cues are nearly always filtered through our habitual personality or worldview. As we endeavor to communicate with and honor others, we can enlist their aid in corroborating or correcting the assumptions of our worldview. We can notice how often we are off the mark, and begin a process of inquiry to learn another’s “objective reality.” More Traveler’s Hints will be offered in the next blog entry. (material partially adapted from “The Everyday Enneagram” by Lynette Sheppard.)

The Enneagram: A Dynamic Way to Cope With Stress

2008-06-07T15:39:00.000-07:00

It is my intention to post blog entries every week to week and a half, but I’m definitely behind the curve this time. There’s a good reason for this, however. Stress. And refusing to give into the automatic habit that is the default of moving to my stress point.

Every six months or so, my husband and I pull up stakes and move. Now all of us know that moving is a stressful business. Of course, we two are moving from home to home so it isn’t quite the magnitude of moving all your worldly possessions to a new locale. Still, we are moving two businesses and all our personal electronic crap not duplicated in both homes. In addition, we are closing up the home we are leaving, arranging care for cars, gardens, appliances, and physical plant. No matter how organized and prepared we are to relocate, we still find it stressful.

The Enneagram can be inordinately helpful under conditions of stress. How? Understanding movement on the Enneagram diagram, we can predict how we will act, perceive, and feel differently when we are overwhelmed.

The Enneagram map is a dynamic one and describes not only our basic personality, but how we seem to change under conditions of stress or conditions of security and ease. We actually seem to “move” on the Enneagram diagram and take on aspects of another point or type. (See photo - the arrows are in the direction of stress.)

Our initial reaction to stressors is to exaggerate our normal behavior. We become almost archetypally our points. Our usual way of perceiving and being has helped us cope in the past, and we call on our default mode to help us deal with the stress. If our default mode is unsuccessful in alleviating the stress, we then “move” on the Enneagram diagram to access the energies and traits of another point. While we do not become this point or truly change our internal worldview, we can look and feel like our “stress point.”

For example, my usual Optimist Seven worldview undergoes a profound change to a more Oneish paradigm when I am stressed. Like a real One, I can fall prey to overdoing and resentment, to black-and-white thinking, and to judging myself as well as others.

Luckily, I know the Enneagram (and I have the benefit of experiencing all those times past when I exhibited the less desirable characteristics of the One point.) I can observe my feelings and behavior and CHOOSE the best attributes or “high side” of One.

The high side of the Perfectionist type helps me plan, organize, and complete my extensive to-do list with an eye to detail and precision. Knowing the “low side” of One includes overwork and an excess of feeling responsible to do everything with a concomitant blaming of those who aren’t doing as much, as well, I can interrupt this pattern before it has a chance to take hold.

When I find myself overdoing or feeling resentful, I stop and take a break. I breathe and slow down. I read or take a walk for 30-60 minutes and come back a new woman. I prioritize and let go of those things that can be put off without causing a shift in the Earth’s gravitational field or my sanity. Things like putting out another blog entry within my self-imposed time constraints. And if I’m really lucky, I’ll be relaxed enough to see that the moving preparation process is already perfect in its imperfection. What gets done is enough - and it will be GOOD enough. Just like me. Just like all of us.

Sharing the Enneagram: Enthusiasm vs Evangelism

2008-05-23T13:11:00.000-07:00

Many of us are so excited and enthused about the Enneagram when we first learn it that we can hardly wait to share it with family, friends, acquaintances, even random passersby. We just KNOW it will change everyone’s life for the better and contribute to personal self actualization and more harmonious relationships and become a stepping stone to world peace AND, AND, AND! And we are genuinely stunned when the recipients of our excitement are underwhelmed.

This lukewarm response may become downright antipathy if we should be so bold as to share our initial observations about another’s type with them. Yea, though we have been cautioned again and again that the inner landscape of someone’s type is just that: INNER; and we can’t type them from the outside, our enthusiasm has a tendency to get out of control. Small wonder that none of our intimates wants to hear the word Enneagram EVER AGAIN.

The Enneagram is a map of self-discovery. And okay, it is a map of other discovery too, inasmuch as we find there are eight perfectly clear worldviews in addition to our own. Learning the other Enneagram personality types helps us in our response and honoring of others. It also helps us not to take everything so very personally.

However, the self-discovery aspect of the Enneagram gets circumvented or worse, sabotaged, if we share too much too soon. Especially since we are just as likely to be wrong as right in determining someone else’s type. My teacher, Helen Palmer, was fond of saying that if she were to “guess” someone’s type, she’d be wrong at least 50% of the time. And Helen is a practicing intuitive !

I guarantee you that no one wants to be told they are a “One” or such a “Two”. Although you may be sharing what you’ve divined about them from the purest of motives, it FEELS demeaning and confining to be told by another who you are. I still meet people who tell me horror stories about those who bludgeoned them with their type, who NEVER want to hear the word Enneagram again.

Okay, great. How then DO we share the Enneagram? How do we communicate our enthusiasm without becoming the most annoying of evangelists? Well, I would have to say: gently. Let’s examine what we really do KNOW that we can share. We know our own type. We know how much the Enneagram has helped us. We know that left to their own devices, people prefer to discover their inner landscapes. We know that the Enneagram is compelling, rich, and life-changing.

With this in mind, we can share the Enneagram most productively. I tell my students and clients to give their friends and loved ones a book on the Enneagram suitable for beginners. When they give the book, they may say “This map taught me so much about myself. I’m a Type _______ on the Enneagram. This may help you in understanding me more and make it easier to deal with me.” Enough said.

Right after they read about you, they will be devouring the pages looking for their own type. Let them discover it and tell you who they are. (They may surprise you.) Regardless, this may be the beginning of an illuminating conversation about internal worldviews. Equally important, you will now share a common language in which to discuss feelings, thoughts, similarities and differences. And when their enthusiasm for the Enneagram threatens to accelerate into evangelism? Show them this kinder, gentler way to share our favorite personality map.

Enneagram Signposts - Avoid Your Personality Hazards Part II

2008-05-13T18:13:00.000-07:00

In this latest blog entry, we continue our look at the personality hazard warnings: those signposts that signal the possibility that our personality vis a vis our Enneagram type is running us rather than the converse. The specific alerts for Types Five through Nine that herald the personality’s unconscious habit is in control follow.

Type Five - The Observer: Sign #1: Detach And Rest Stop, Exit Now

Detaching and dissociating from the circumstances around him or a feeling of wishing to withdraw is the main signpost to alert the Five that his personality is on autopilot. Self - talk may include asking yourself how much others are going to want from you or wondering how you can give them what they want so you can leave.

Sign #2: Holding Back Caves .5 Mile

Withholding information and hoarding knowledge serves as another alert for the Five that the habit is in control again. Minimizing her own needs can be another form of withholding and serves as a reminder to the Observer that the personality may be in the default mode again.

Type Six - The Loyal Skeptic: Sign #1: DANGER! Worst Case Overlook Dead Ahead

Whenever worst case scenario “movies” begin playing for the Six, it is a call to notice that the “doubting mind” may be in control once more. Self talk may include a series of “what if ___ happens” and “what will I do if ____ happens.” When the what ifs start spinning out, it is a sure sign that the habit is working to support the worldview.

Sign #2: Hypothetical Substation This Exit

When the Six notices everything is falling into place to substantiate a hypothesis, there’s a good chance that all evidence that would refute the hypothesis have been filtered from consciousness. Self talk may reinforce the hypothesis by claiming “I knew it all along. I knew this would happen.” This should alert you to proceed carefully - it’s a better than even chance that the personality is running its habitual gambit.
Type Seven - The Optimist: Sign #1: New Fun Adventures Ahead, Unlimited Exits

When the desire to experience something new, interesting, exciting comes out of nowhere for the Seven, it is a clear signal that the personality is on automatic. Anxiety or difficult emotions can trigger the “escape” into experience mode for Sevens Even an erudite escape into new knowledge is often the habit running the Optimist.

Sign #2: Reframe City Next 7 Exits

A tendency to miss the dark cloud for the focus on the silver lining signifies the Seven automatic mode of reframing. It’s almost alchemical - the Seven converts painful, difficult situations into occasions for celebration. Self talk often presents as “I know ___ happened, but what was good about it was...” Loss is often converted to a new opportunity or challenge with no down time for grieving. This giddy positivism is a sure sign that the personality is running the show.

Type Eight - The Boss: Sign #1: Power Void Next 8 Miles, Shift Into Control

A sensing and compulsion to step into “power voids” where no one is taking control or making decisions (or even taking up energetic space) are hallmarks of the Eight personality on autopilot. Self talk may include “someone’s got to do it or nothing will ever get done.” “I don’t want to be in control necessarily, but I don’t want to be controlled.”

Sign #2: Boredom Gulch and Excess Alley

The rising of feelings of vulnerability can set off Eight’s habitual mode faster than anything else. These feelings are translated as boredom by the Boss and the classic antidote preferred is excess, whether it be in work, food, drink, partying, exercise, etc. The Eight feels vital and invulnerable engaging his large energy so strongly. It’s a sure bet that when excess is involved, the personality is really in control.

Type Nine - The Mediator: Sign #1: Do It Later Detour, Stop Here

Procrastination is the default mode for the Nine. Difficulty with prioritizing often has the Nine putting off important tasks and issues in favor of non-essential substitutes. Self talk often includes “Oh I’ve got plenty of time, no problem.” “ Another frequent internal phrase that pops up throughout the day is “I’ll do that later.” The Nine inevitably ends up feeling behind or pushed. These phrases should sound an alarm for Nines that the personality is pushing them, where they may not wish to go.

Sign #2: Entering “Whatever” Wilderness Area Merge, Right?

It doesn’t matter,” is also common self talk for a self-forgetter. “Whatever” is an easy way for Nines to get along with others, go with the flow, and allow the personality in its default mode to avoid the Mediator’s true desires, preferences and priorities.

The Signs
Though somewhat tongue-in-cheek, these signposts are critical internal alerts for us to break the stranglehold of personality. This is not about personality suppression, what my friend C. used to call “being a Not Four” (or Five or One etc.). This is about conscious awareness and choice. There will be times that indeed the options and gifts that are inherent in our Enneagram types are perfect for the situation in which we find ourselves. These signposts are merely meant to help us awaken, to choose when to flow with our natural bent and when to deviate to a new direction. They are meant to keep us from exiting or drifting mindlessly in habitual ways that keep us from getting where we truly want to go.

(Material adapted from "The Everyday Enneagram" by Lynette Sheppard)

Enneagram Signposts - Avoid Your Personality Hazards

2008-05-04T12:53:00.000-07:00

As we travel the journey of self discovery, using our Enneagram map we find different obstacles for each of the nine types. How do we know when our personality is running us? If we are on autopilot, how do we make sure we notice it? A signpost would be helpful, sort of an alert on the map of potential obstacles ahead, a call to slow down so we can choose a response. These signposts are different for each of the types. They show up on our personal journey as a thought or a feeling or a sense inside us. They are like a form of inner self-talk. The signposts serve as alerts for each of the types that our personality in its default or automatic mode. As we learn the alerts most commonly associated to our Enneagram type, we can ask ourselves the following questions. As I notice these signposts along my personal journey, can I slow down and check the map? Can I then make the choice to continue along the same path consciously or perhaps choose another more suitable roadway - a detour around the automatic habit?

Type One - The Perfectionist: Sign #1: Caution, Resentment Ditch Ahead

An alert that the personality is in automatic mode occurs when the One finds himself feeling resentful or doing a slow burn. Key internal dialogue might include critical thoughts of others: that no one else is pulling their weight; no one else can do it as well as I, if I don’t do it it won’t get done, etc. Self talk may also revolve around the inner critic run amok. Notice if you are continually comparing yourself with others - they are doing it better/worse than you.

Sign #2: Completely Wrong Way

While it is natural for the One to “sort” the environment by noticing what is wrong, there is a tendency to see a relationship, project, house etc. as all wrong if a small part of it is flawed. The One may want to scrap the whole project or relationship and begin again, rather than salvaging what is still “right”. This philosophy of “throwing out the baby with the bath water” is a sure sign that the habitual mode of the personality is running things.

Type Two - The Giver: Sign #1 Lack Of Appreciation Hazard

“No one appreciates me.” “I just give and give, and for what?” Feeling unappreciated for all you’ve given or done is the main signpost for the Two. When it seems that you are continually giving, but no gratitude is shown or no one is giving anything in return, then you know that the default mode is running.

Sign #2 Adaptation Junction Coming Up

When you find that you are interested in a subject, hobby, music that you’ve never been interested in before, because someone you want to know better likes it, it is time to question whether you really want to pursue it. The Two wonders “Who should I be to guarantee your approval?” If you change your spots to match what you think another wants from you, you can be sure the habit is in full swing. Be wary if self-talk revolves around this person “bringing out another side” of you.

Type Three - The Performer: Sign #1 Spin Doctor Next Exit, Basic and Emergency Image Control

When you find yourself wondering “How can I put the spin on this to make me/project/team look good?” you know that the automatic mode is running. Looking outward for how others are perceiving you and how to turn your endeavor into a success pulls you away from asking yourself important questions: “Do I even want to do this project, be on this team, etc.”

Sign #2 Slow Role Play Ground Ahead

A tendency to “allow” others to think that you have accomplished more than you have is a warning sign for Threes. When you find yourself adapting to your surroundings in order to appear successful to others or feel that you are “playing a role” signals that self-deceit is operating to convince you that you are your role or your image.

Type Four - The Romantic: Sign #1 Important Part Of Life Missing Here and Now

The feeling that something is missing from life is a signpost for the Four. Finding yourself focusing on the ONE person, detail, thing that would make this moment perfect is a clue that the personality is indeed operating in its automatic mode. It is possible to miss what is happening here and now when you are longing for what is missing.

Sign #2 Unique Viewpoint Next Left

Another sign that the personality is operating in its habitual way is when the Four finds herself feeling different than others or feeling misunderstood. The focus on being unique and “apart from” results from the Romantic’s worldview and is a portent that the habit is in control.

A Call To Inaction
All of these signposts are a call to inaction, to stop and get your bearings, to stop driving on autopilot and assess the next direction. We slow down and look within. Where am I? Where is my attention? Is this my automatic mode running me? What is the appropriate course? This is more difficult than it appears, because the habit of the personality is very strong. It had to be to ensure our survival and functioning in the world. We sure don’t want to lose it or its gifts. We just don’t want it to be the only game in town, robbing us of conscious, informed choice.
Perhaps there is a way to elicit the help of our personality in breaking its stranglehold on our emotions, thoughts, sensations, and perceptions. What if we were to engage the habitual mode of our Enneagram type to break the automatic pattern that runs us? Each of the nine types has a unique way to trick our personality into helping us become more conscious of the default mode and our ability to choose our path. We’ll explore the signposts for types 5 through 9 next blog entry. (Adapted from “The Everyday Enneagram” by Lynette Sheppard.)

Typing Our Pets

2008-04-27T13:07:00.000-07:00

A mildly embarrassing little secret of the Enneagram enthusiasts I know is that we type our pets. Or more accurately, our pets display for us their Enneagram style.

“Oh come on,” you chide. “That’s taking anthropomorphism too far. Animals don’t have Enneagram types.” Certainly, we pet typers have tried to tell ourselves the same thing time and again. But that doesn’t change the fact that animals have distinct personalities that seem to mimic the nine Enneagram worldviews.

When I first typed my cat Muffin more than 15 years ago, I made a solemn vow to myself never to let anyone outside my immediate family know. That vow lasted until I happened to visit a fellow Enneagram teacher/consultant a few months later. She introduced me to her cat and warned me that her pet was a Four and likely to want my attention and admiration.

“Muffin’s a Six,” I blurted. “Hey, does everybody type their animals?” She blushed then, saying she didn’t know; that she didn’t share that information with many people. After that, it seemed that all the Enneagram teachers I knew typed their pets, but kept it under wraps. After all, who would take us (and more importantly, the Enneagram) seriously if we openly advocated typing our pets? So we kept silent.

The Enneagram is much more mainstream now than it was then. Time was when I’d get on a plane, someone would ask what I did and I’d say that I taught a personality system called the Enneagram. “Any uh what?” they’d invariably say.

Then five to ten years ago, I’d get responses like “I’ve heard of that” or “We had a training at my job in that.” Now, it’s more likely that I just say I’m an Enneagram consultant and my seatmate will volunteer his/her type and how they came to know it. My point is this. The Enneagram is well known and respected enough now that I can tell about typing our pets without endangering the reputation of this wonderful tool one darn bit. So I’m coming clean and telling our secret.

Muffin is no longer with us; old age having claimed him. We now have two cats: A Four named Princess and a phobic Six named Pomaika`i (Lucky in Hawaiian); just Po for short. Princess is beautiful, dramatic, moody, wants attention but on her own terms, alternates between intense affection and overt disdain (but always in view so she is noticed). She is extremely sensitive to our moods and very caring if we are sick or upset. She thinks we built the new addition just for her. My husband says that she has more emotions on her face (covered with fur, no less) thank most people he knows. We just love her.

Po is afraid of almost anything and anybody, except us. We found her starved, hypothermic, near death and nursed her back to health. She is sweet, and tries to charm whatever scares her. Failing that, she runs away and hides. She purrs if someone so much as looks at her. She stays out of Princess’s way. She panics if the dry food bowl isn’t piled high. We just leave the stale food and pile fresh on top for her to eat, or she gets very anxious and cries. She has two main expressions that we can decipher: I’m terrified and I love you. We love her, too.

Are we pet typers projecting? Are we assigning human feelings and traits to our beloved animals? Is this whole idea just completely silly? Possibly. But essentially, it doesn’t matter. If the process of typing causes us to pay attention to each being, human or animal, more carefully with an eye to honoring them and their view of the world, it can’t be trivial or a misuse. At any rate, the Enneagram is nothing more than a map. It is not the territory. Not for humans nor pets. It’s simply a starting place, a starting place for understanding. That’s some of the best work we can do.

The Enneagram of Place

2008-04-17T16:49:00.001-07:00

People are not the only demonstration of the nine types of the Enneagram. Countries and cultures have distinct personalities that overlay and occasionally even overshadow individual type. When we travel to another region, ideally we wish to be sensitive to the prevailing customs, mores, and worldview. Such an understanding allows us to honor the culture we are visiting. While the Enneagram in no way offers a comprehensive view of a particular place, its map provides us with a good first step to navigating our way skillfully within another culture.

Case in point:
I live on Moloka`i a small island in the Hawai`ian chain. On paper, this rural paradise`i is part of the United States. In reality and Enneagramically, it could not be farther from the prevailing culture and mindset of America.

The United States is a Three culture, through and through. Two of the most popular ad campaigns highlight our worldview: “Image is Everything” (Canon) and “Just Do It” (Nike). In the U.S., we strive, produce, and succeed. We set goals and work hard to get ahead. We are what we do and the image we present to the outside world. Even those of us who are not genuine Threes fall prey to the overlay of our culture. As a result, Americans work longer and have less leisure time than the majority of their contemporaries in other industrialized nations. We may be stressed out, but we sure can get things done.

Fifteen years ago, I immigrated to Moloka`i. I say “immigrated” because I might as well be an expatriate in a totally different country. I left a competitive Three world and found myself in a social Nine milieu. Hard work is certainly valued here, especially when it is in service to a group gathering. I’ve seen men and women labor long, prodigiously, and cooperatively to put on a lu`au or party. But the end goal is to “hang out” together and relax. Just being and enjoying life is of the highest value. No one tries to shine or outdo another. Calling attention to oneself or one’s accomplishments is frowned upon. (Which can be tough for Hawai`ian Threes, who naturally stand out from the crowd. Just as the U.S. Three culture does not highly value a Nine’s “being”, Hawai`i does not support a Three’s goal-oriented “doing”).

This contrast in styles was brought home to us in a most striking way one Christmas Day a few years back. We were invited to a Hawai`ian home for lunch, a typical gathering of a couple hundred people. Music was playing, kids were running around, and tables were loaded with food. We sat at picnic tables set up in the yard outside. After the requisite kissing and hugging (a ritual which can literally take 30 minutes to an hour) everyone filled their plates and we quietly sat together and ate. Few words are exchanged save murmurs of appreciation or offers of more food. After a couple of hours, we kissed and hugged everyone again, bidding Merry Christmas and aloha.

We were invited to another friend’s home for dinner. 12 people in all attended, most visiting from the mainland. When we arrived (still stuffed from our Hawai`ian lunch), we were greeted effusively by all our friends. “What have you been doing?” was the most frequent opening question. The energy was high and upbeat, information was being exchanged at lightspeed, laughter and chatter filled the air. After a fabulous meal and catching up on everyone’s busy lives, we took our leave. As we left, my husband remarked, “Americans are exhausting. I love our mainland friends, but they’re exhausting. Hawai`ians are relaxing.”

As we blend more into our adopted culture, we are much more aware of the “Three-ness” of the U.S. And we can’t help that we’ve become more Niney, adapting to the worldview that bathes and surrounds us. There’s no judgment here. Both cultures have much to offer, both have their strengths and weaknesses, as do we all. Still, making the “switch” requires keen observation, listening, and awareness so that we may honor the Enneagram overlay and worldview, wherever we are.

Note: I am a Seven and my husband is a Three. We joke that since moving to Moloka`i, he’s been more like a Nine and I’ve been more like a Five, as we adapt to our chosen homeland.

Losing the “I” of Personality - Enneagram as Path to Essence

2008-04-03T15:44:00.000-07:00

The previous blog entry explored losing the “I” as a path to illuninating Essence. for Enneagram Types One Through Four. We now will examine the particular identities or “I”’s that must be relinquished for Types Five Through Nine.

The Five - “I” am a Wise Person
The Five’s thirst for knowledge drives him. Avarice or greed for knowing compels the Five to grasp for information as for a life preserver, protecting him from the reckless seas of human emotion and desire. The Five practices detachment as a protective defense, to shield him from others demands or overwhelming stimuli. This detachment is a mimic for the lost Essential quality of non-attachment, where to be connected or disconnected are equal. Detached Fives are very attached to privacy, minimization of needs, personal space, conservation of time and energy.
Reconnecting with Essence, the Five finds unlimited energy and potential. Through this Essential experience the Five awakens to omniscience, where he realizes that he has always known all that there is to know. Divine Omniscience fills him with pure safety and peace with no need to learn or grasp. His quest for knowledge ends when he discovers that the wisdom he seeks has always been an essential part of him.

The Six - “I” am a Loyal Person
Fear and doubt drive the Six to search for a person or cause in which she can place her trust. When the Six envisions the worst case (abandonment, death, etc.) and decides that it is worth risking, she will commit with a fierce, incontestable loyalty. Though doubt and fear still exist, the Six is able to mobilize herself through certainty and bravado. Yet certainty and bravado are distortions of the Six’s lost Essential qualities of Faith and Courage. Certainty masks doubt and bravado is a mustering up to “overcome” fear.
However, when the Six accesses true Faith, there is an innate ability to live comfortably with uncertainty, knowing deeply that everything turns out for the best. Everything will be all right, no matter what the outcome. Certainty is rigid and brittle, while Faith is open and peaceful. In Faith, the Six is comfortable with not-knowing. The Six can use bravado as a way to jump in to danger with both feet, to put everything on the line. When engaged in action, fear falls away. Yet, bravado can put the Six in real danger or foolhardy situations. Real Courage comes into play when the action simply must be engaged in. Fear may still exist, yet right action deems the exercise of activity fueled by Courage, where clear understanding of risks exists, and action is still appropriate. Risks and fear are simply part of the equation, and unlike bravado, Courage is quiet and purposeful. Bravado is exhilarating and exciting, placing it all on the line, letting action overwhelm fear, proving yourself bigger than the fear. When informed by Faith and Essential Courage, you KNOW that you are not fear, and have nothing to prove to yourself or anyone else. You are simply acting as you must.

The Seven - “I” am a Happy Person
The Seven’s giddy exuberance and “happiness” serve as a mimic for the lost Essential quality of Joy. Real joy is a calm, quiet experience, a fullness and gratitude for whatever life offers. The Seven senses that Joy was lost and frantically works to recapture it through sampling all that life has to offer, while avoiding what feels like Joy’s polar opposite of pain. Sadness and difficulty are circumvented whenever possible, and reframed into positives when they cannot be sidestepped.
If the Seven is lucky, she will eventually confront the darker side of life. She will come up against a pain too immense to reframe or avoid, or find ennui in chasing yet another rainbow of sensation, asking herself “Is this all there is?” Then the whole of life can begin to be accepted, and true Joy can be seen as a combination of the dark and the light of human experience. An acceptance of “what is” can allow the Seven to float in the peacefulness and completeness of essential Joy. No longer needing multiple options or escape routes, the Seven finds herself able to focus singlepointedly on Work, on dedication to completion as well as process. In this, she may find herself committing to Work that is a vocation or calling, infused with essential Joy.

The Eight - “I” am a Strong Person
To the strong, decisive, full-steam-ahead Eight, it seems to him that he knows the truth. Truth is important, and it will come out in a fight or confrontation. You’ll find out what people are really made of. The difficulty is that the black-and-white thinking Eight believes that his truth is everyone’s truth, and that everyone should see it his way. This absolute belief that he knows the truth of matters dissolves when he finds Essential Truth. Essential Truth is expansive and has room for holding all truths, including paradox. The Eight finds out that he doesn’t have the “only” truth or the “real” truth. In fact, his truth is only part of the larger Truth that holds all individual versions of truth. The Eight finds himself awed by a vast and Essential Truth, that contains and transcends all the small truths we hold so dear. He feels a direct connection to Truth and it becomes a pathway to Essence.
Eight’s insistence on having his way is a mimic of another lost quality of Essence - that of Innocence. An innocent child does not impose his way on others, yet is pure and clear in his desires. When a child pursues his wants and needs, there is no thought of win or lose. He knows what he wants and moves toward it with clarity, curiosity, and wonder. Getting what he desires does not mean someone else loses nor that he must control the situation. When in touch with Essence, the Eight can regain this lost Innocence. Rather than controlling or needing to push his agenda, he encounters the world with the appealing freshness and innocence of a youngster.

The Nine - “I” am a Peaceful Person
The Nine’s boundariless nature leads to indiscriminate merging - a type of unenlightened “Oneness” with everything. As the Nine evolves and develops a boundaried, separate self, she finds that she may choose when and when not to merge. As she connects with her individual Essence, she regains the lost quality of Essence: Love.
As the Nine regains a boundaried Love, she learns to listen to her own heart’s priorities as well as those of others. When Love includes the Nine in it’s embrace, she is able to act on her own behalf as easily as for others. She is able to differentiate and perform Right Action, rather than drown her own priorities to keep peace at any costs. Even conflict may be appropriate and lead to Right Action. True peace is found through reclaiming and remembering the qualities of Essence.

(Adapted from “The Everyday Enneagram” by Lynette Sheppard. Visit our main website at www.9points.com.)

Remembering Essence Through The Enneagram Part II

2008-03-28T17:03:00.000-07:00

Step Two Losing the “I” - You’re Not Who You Think You Are

If indeed our Enneagram Point is who we are not, then how can it act as a map for rediscovering and remembering Essence? Each of us, depending on our Enneagram type, lost specific qualities or aspects of Essence. Our personality contains the “clue” to our search to regain these lost qualities. Each Enneagram Point or type contains a distortion of the lost qualities of Essence within the personality’s inherent worldview. Because we feel the loss of Essence so keenly, we cling to the distortion of the lost qualities strongly. We identify ourselves by these distortions of Essence within our personality. We believe we are as we describe ourselves. We must lose the “I”, surrender our small identity, ego, or personality to reclaim these Essential qualities again. Each Enneagram type has a different pathway back to Essence, and it is “mapped” out in the personality itself.

The qualities of Essence for each type are listed below:
Type One Perfection and Serenity
Type Two Humility and Will
Type Three Veracity and Hope
Type Four Equanimity and Origin
Type Five: Non-attachment and Omniscience
Type Six: Faith and Courage
Type Seven: Joy and Work
Type Eight: Innocence and Truth
Type Nine: Love and Right Action

Each of us lives out a “mimic” of the lost qualities of Essence associated with our Enneagram type. This “mimic” is encoded into our personality and shows itself whenever we say “I” am a certain kind of person. If we pay close attention to our belief of “I” am, we can uncover and remember our Essential nature. Let’s look at Types One through Four to see how our personality can begin to show us the way home to Essence and who we truly are.

Type One - “I” am a Good Person
The path back to Essence is a path of remembering. We begin to remember our essential self. Our personality gives us a vital clue to finding our way, to an individual experience of Essence. For the One, striving to correct error, to continually improve is a mimic of a forgotten quality of Essence: Perfection. In essential Perfection, we glimpse the inherent perfection in imperfection. Perfection simply IS - it exists with out our needing to correct or judge it. In fact, when we “remember” Perfection, we realize that it has always been so. Imperfection was merely a construct. Our striving to correct, to reform was an echo of our true search - for the wholeness of Perfection.
Many Ones tell me that they experience moments of this Perfection in Nature. Nature is non-judging and inherently perfect as is. It has no need to be groomed or changed. It radiates the Is-ness of holy Perfection. This recognition finds the One experiencing Serenity, a pure non-judging state of peace. No need to correct, improve, or reform. Perfection already exists and it has always been here. These moments of Perfection and Serenity are sacred openings to Essence for the One. The key to integrating this feeling is to carry the remembrance of this essential Perfection into daily life, even when you are not dissolved in the Essence experience.

Type Two - “I” am a Loving Person
For the Two, Essence manifests through Humility as she discovers that it is not her personal will that brings her love when she works to ensure others’ dependence on her. Rather, she finds that a higher Will works through her as she serves. The Two learns to stay at home to herself, rather than allowing her energy to escape through her heart center to others. She establishes her center within herself. Initially, this can be a terrifying experience where keeping her attention focused on her own heart can find her with a gaping maw of emptiness. If she stays focused, however, she will find the emptiness is no longer terrifying, but spacious. She discovers the “cave of the Heart” where there is room to cradle all of humanity and more, endless potential to love and serve as a conduit for Will acting through her.

Type Three - “I” am a Successful Person
The productive Three focuses on doing whatever it takes to ensure that they are successful in others’ eyes. It is very clear that they have to “make things happen”. Often it is a failure that cannot be converted to a success that causes the Three to question his chameleon-like deceit and emphasis on doing and appearing successful. Doubt opens the way to true Veracity where the Three examines his authentic desires, beliefs, and preoccupations. “What do I truly wish to do?” the Three asks himself, rather than “What will I be successful doing?” or “How can I spin this to make me look good?” Often, a period of not-doing or just “being” allows the Three to realize that he is intrinsically lovable and will survive without adapting or “making it happen.” He regains the lost Essential quality of Hope. Things work whether the Three does them or not. He doesn’t have to make everything happen, to ensure he is worthy in others view. He finds essential worth inside. Then supported by Hope and tempered with Veracity, he can put his talent for producing and selling in service of a chosen higher purpose or calling.

Type Four - “I” am a Sensitive Person
The Four feels deeply, profoundly. From the heights of ecstasy to the depths of despair, the Four explores the intensities of the emotional realm. Her antipathy for that which is ordinary and mundane color her existence with flair and uniqueness, as she longs for the missing element in her life. Yet, she paradoxically finds Essence through the cultivation of the ordinary, through the “flatness” of simplicity. The lost quality of Equanimity gentles and smooths out the emotional ups and downs. The Four discovers the extraordinary contained within the ordinary. Cultivating the balanced energy of Equanimity leads Four to the recovery of her Essence where she finds that the missing piece that she has searched for throughout her life has always been with her. She finds the Source, Divine Origin within herself illuminating the realization that there has never been anything missing. She is and has always been fully complete. That which she has longed for has always been with her. And whenever she touches Essence, she remembers her wholeness and completeness.

We’ll look closely at personality and Essence for Types Five through Nine in the next blog entry. (Adapted from The Everyday Enneagram by Lynette Sheppard.)

Remembering Our Essential Self Through The Enneagram

2008-03-21T19:09:00.000-07:00

We have all had glimpses of Essence, when personality falls away and we act or feel from a place that is more than our small self. These are often referred to as peak or mystical experiences. When boundaries blur and awareness expands and we know who we really are. We feel connected with everything, open and expansive. Pure peace and joy exist and we know without knowing how we know, that this is our true nature - our Self. This is our unchanging Essence.

Few of us live in Essence, however. In fact, most of us cannot even return there when we wish. We spend hours on the cushion meditating or alone in nature, hoping those moments or glimpses will grace us again.

These pursuits are worthwhile and increase our chances of experiencing Essence. But what is truly important is how the experiences of Essence inform our everyday lives. How do we make sense or meaning of our “peak” experiences? How do we integrate the large Self we encounter through moments of Essential connection with the small self that must live in the temporal world everyday? How do we wear our personality lightly, so that Essence can shine through in every moment?

In the Everyday Enneagram book, I describe four simple (not easy) steps to make Essence part and parcel of our everyday life. They are:

Step One - Remembering
Step Two Losing the “I” - You’re Not Who You Think You Are
Step Three - Cultivating Essence
Step Four - Integration - Live As If

When we diligently and joyfully practice these steps, Essence becomes as natural as breathing. Which of course, it is! And of course, we will backslide, forget, and fumble. I do and I WROTE the steps! And when this happens, we just dust our spirits off and practice again. Each time, it is easier and we believe it more.

Step One - Remembering
The first step to incorporating Essence as part of everyday life is remembering that Essence is always here, within us. This sounds deceptively simple - to remember. Yet it requires clear intention, focused attention, and profound commitment. We continually forget our true nature, even if we have experienced it more than once. We get caught up in the hectic pace of daily life. In fact, the last thing we feel we need is yet another thing to remember! We can barely keep track of the absolutely necessary aspects of running our lives
.
And yet, when we lose the memory of our Essential being, our life is less fulfilling. Something is missing. We lose touch with our deeper Self, our soul. Remembering our Essence infuses our ordinary existence with meaning and purpose. We feel our soul’s connection to the Infinite.

So how can we remember Essence? It might help us think of Essence as being like the sun. The sun is always shining even though clouds may obscure its light. It is there even when we cannot see it. Similarly, Essence is always with us. Even when we have forgotten our true nature, even when our personality blocks it from our view, Essence continues to shine through us. We are so much more than our small self, the self defined by our personality, the “I” we think we are. Remembering takes only a moment of awareness, of being awake to our infinite, unbounded Self. It only requires bringing our attention and focus to this remembering to infuse daily life with a sense of Essence.

We’ll talk about Step Two in the next blog entries - each of the types has a different, cherished “I” or identity that can block our reunion with our Essential selves. We’ll explore each in depth.
(some material adapted from “The Everyday Enneagram” by Lynette Sheppard)

Enlighten Up - The Enneagram and Spiritual Growth

2008-03-12T20:54:00.000-07:00

In the beginning of learning the Enneagram we explore the psychology of personality. We discover that we are a specific Enneagram type or point. We learn who we are and how to expand ourselves from the confinement of our default mode of seeing, believing, acting.

However, when we incorporate the Enneagram as an adjunct to our spiritual practice, we find a paradoxical truth. Your Enneagram type is who you are not! Or more accurately, it describes only a very small part of you. You are so much more than a Seven, Four, etc. More even than the unique attributes that are yours alone. Your personality is like a pair of glasses through which you perceive life, others, even yourself. The glasses have a particular tint depending on your Enneagram type - a Seven tint, a Three tint, a Five tint etc. Mine also contain a Lynette filter - with my unique view of the world. Your glasses have your individual filters as well. These personality “glasses” color who we think we are. But who are we really? Who was I before I formed a “self”? Who were you?

The use of the Enneagram as a map for higher consciousness or spiritual growth is a natural outgrowth of Self-Development work. As we begin to loosen the grip of the habitual personality, and see that it is not all that we are, we wonder “who am I beyond this personality?” Who am I without this protective covering or these filters? We naturally want to make meaning of our existence - what is our place in the scheme of things? What is the meaning of life? How can I find union with the Divine? Whatever our religious leanings or beliefs, the Enneagram map helps us use the personality as a pathway back Home to Essence, God, Goddess, Oneness, Universal Light, Atman, Nirvana, etc.

Enneagram theory espouses that we all came from Essence. In the beginning, each of us contained the potential of all nine points equally within. We were all One. Then we differentiated or had a fall from grace (we took birth.) We lost Essence. We chose one of the nine ways of being in response to this loss. The drive or cardinal tendency became a substitute for a lost quality of Essence. In this way, the personality contains the key to our specific dilemma - the map to our particular way Home to Essence. The keys to the kingdom are within us. Like our own little guidebook to heaven - right inside us.

We’ll explore using the Enneagram for spiritual seeking, growth, and conversion further in the next several blog entries. (Material adapted from The Everyday Enneagram authored by Lynette Sheppard)

Enneagram as a Form of Listening

2008-03-04T12:39:00.000-08:00

When I first learned the nine Enneagram types a couple decades ago, I was enthralled with trying to figure out who others were vis a vis the Enneagram map. (Thanks to my teachers, Helen Palmer and David Daniels, I was smart enough not to share my observations when they were not requested.) I listened raptly for clues in people’s speech and mannerisms that would illuminate their type for me. And a funny thing happened.

I REALLY listened. I actually HEARD what another was saying without formulating my reply or jumping ahead to guess what they might say. Did I have a hidden agenda? Well, yeah, I wanted to know what made them tick. Or at least the little bit of information about an individual that the Enneagram type provides. I wanted to understand from the best of intentions: so that I could honor him/her. And as is so often the case, I was generally unable to figure out anyone’s Enneagram type that quickly.

But here’s the truly great news. People began to say to me, “Wow, you really understand me,” or “I’ve never felt so heard.” And I realized that it didn’t matter a whit if I figured out someone’s type or not. What mattered was fully-present-in-the-moment listening. Genuinely caring about another’s story is a true gift. If we never get anything else from learning the Enneagram, this capacity to listen would be so much more than enough. Learning type is overrated - caring enough to hear another’s words is a profound lesson that will enrich our lives.

Enneagram Technique for Change: Pause and Effect

2008-02-14T14:25:00.000-08:00

In my last blog entry, I claimed that we don’t need any more Enneagram books, classes, or information. Of course, my tongue was only slightly nudged against my cheek. I have nothing against learning or new ideas. In point of fact, I revel in them. Yet all too often, I find seekers (myself included) becoming seduced by “ahas” and new discoveries rather than making solid use of the insights we’ve gained. When we learn our Enneagram type and understand our personality’s bias, we have the potential for liberation from our “default” mode. .

Self observation is the primary key to stepping back from our habitual ways of perceiving, feeling, and acting in the world. Easy enough to do when we are meditating or when things are going well. But how do we interrupt our old patterns when events or people trigger us in unexpected or uncomfortable ways?

My favorite technique for breaking my personality’s habit is the “PAUSE”. Our initial reaction at any given time will most likely result directly from our personality’s default setting. As long as no actual emergency exists or life-threatening situation, we have nothing to lose by stopping for a moment or three.

The next time you feel a reaction rise, stop and wait to see if something more true, something more authentic might be residing beneath your initial feeling, thought, or desire to act. If you are with another person or persons, simply say “I’m trying to see how I feel about that” or “I’m trying to figure out how to respond here.” That will buy you time and won’t make you feel like a moron who can’t answer a question. (Our Western culture sets us up to answer or act quickly in every situation; often to our detriment, so this may seem awkward at first.)

Allow a few moments to pass and look for what more might arise from inside you. A quick hint: unlike the initial reaction, thought, or feeling, there is usually very little “juice” or “energy” to this new layer. It simply is. Voice this new revelation as it comes and notice how a situation unfolds differently than in the past. Communication may open into a new expansiveness; indeed you may feel expanded as well. Continue observing yourself and the interaction(s). I think you’ll be surprised and gratified by what unfolds.

Here’s a simple everyday story of the Pause working for me. I was walking in a Hawaiian rainforest with a group of people who were filming a TV segment with my photographer husband and a supermodel. (Why is not important - it’s a long story.) The husband of the supermodel was walking behind me and my spouse in front of me on a steep, slippery trail. Keeping my head down, I never noticed the branch at head level spanning the path. Bam! I banged right into it with my forehead, nearly knocking myself out. I stopped, waved away the daytime stars swirling around my brain, and rubbed my forehead gingerly. “Are you okay?” yelled Dewitt? “Yes, I’m deeply embarrassed and I’m going to have a good-sized goose egg, but I’m fine,” I confessed.
“Wow,” breathed Greg, the supermodel’s athlete husband. “You handled that really well for a woman.” Personality jumped up with several retorts and a fair amount of energy, ready for a comeback. I PAUSED for a few moments, found a quiet truth underneath my first reaction, and replied, “I have no idea how to respond to what you just said, Greg.” “Well, it has always been my experience that whenever I’ve gone camping or hiking with a woman, everything that goes wrong is my fault. Insect bites, turned ankles, rain, you name it. But you didn’t blame anybody and that was so amazing to me.” We went on to have a long discussion about personal responsibility and woundings in his past relationships (present marriage excepted, he affirmed.) We connected and communicated in a more open, spacious way - thanks to a small pause.

So give it a try. You have nothing to lose except the constraints of your own personality. I promise you that this simple (not always easy) technique really is ALL you need to know to free yourself from your Enneagram type’s default mode. Oh sure, you’ll forget sometimes. I do. But more and more, you’ll find a wonderful Pause And Effect.

No More Enneagram Books

2008-01-30T17:44:00.000-08:00

Lately students and friends have been asking me, “Are you going to write another Enneagram book?” My answer is always an immediate “Nope.” Initially I couldn’t articulate why, but upon reflection I believe I’ve finally figured out the reason for my reluctance.

And it’s this. There is a wealth of Enneagram material out there in the world. Books, seminars, forums, newsletters, and professional groups; everything you ever wanted to learn about this map we call the Enneagram. We could read and study forever. At some point, however, we need to do the Work. Not to denigrate insights or ahas or breakthroughs, but at some point mere knowledge is not enough to loosen the constriction of our personality or “default mode”. (Although I’ll admit, it’s a great first step.)

Once we’ve discovered our type or point, we need to focus on expanding our horizons to include other ways of perceiving, being, and acting. The most important practice for beginning and continuing this is self-observation. Watching our patterns emerge, noticing our personality running us rather than the converse, and finally choosing how we will see, feel, and act. That’s it. The Enneagram “Work” in a nutshell. Mundane, ordinary, often boring and plodding, and yet the only true path to uncovering who we really are and who we might joyfully become.

Discovering Your Subtype or Instinctual Type

2008-01-12T16:56:00.000-08:00

Just when we may be getting a handle on watching ourselves vis a vis our Enneagram point, we find an additional wrinkle to complicate and enrich our journey.. Each of us in addition to our Enneagram type manifests three “Subtypes”, more accurately designated the “Instinctual Types”. These instinctual types reflect the basic human instincts of self-preservation, social standing in relation to the herd or group relating, and the drive for one-to-one relating (also referred to as sexual subtype or instinct by some Enneagram authors.) Each of us has all three instincts programmed into us. The Enneagram “subtype” is the main instinctual arena (or arenas) where the underlying drive is channeled or played out. The underlying drive for each type (lust for the Eight, Sloth for the Nine, Anger for the One, Fear for the Six, etc.) might be likened to a river of energy. This current branches off into three separate areas that represent the instincts of self-preservation, social, and one-to-one relating. The strength of each instinct, that is where attention habitually goes, will determine the amount of flow down each branch of current. It is completely individual and varies person to person. Often one instinct or branch is very large, with less flow down the other two. Occasionally there are two large flows, with a mere trickle flowing down the third. Rarely, an individual is automatically balanced among all three.
To use myself as an example, I have habitually focused very strongly on the one-to-one relating instinct. Much of my attention focused on my intimate relationship. I have focused some energy on self-preservation, ( eg. I never travel without my own coffee and portable coffeemaker.) I generally spent very little attention on my social standing within a group; although I participate in groups. So my river of attention would have had a large flow down the one to one tributary, a moderate flow down the self-preservation tributary, and a trickle down the social tributary.
Ideally, we would like have three fairly balanced tributaries. We would like to attend equally to our natural human instincts. Yet, when we are unconscious of them, we are often driven by one to the detriment of others.

Exercise: Discovering Your Subtype

Reflect where your attention seems to be directed. Are you most concerned with survival issues - food, shelter, safety, taking care of yourself and family self-preservation issues?
Are you most concerned with social issues - with attention to group activities? (It may not necessarily be that you are drawn to be in a group - some social subtypes have strong antipathies against being part of a group. However, their attention is still drawn to groups.) They can focus on several people at a time. People with a common cause or who share common interests.
Are you most concerned with one-to-one relating? Do you prefer a small number of very close friends or your significant other to relate to? Do you feel like going deeply into conversation with one person when in a group or party?
Often we have blind spots regarding which instinct our attention is most concentrated. Ask your spouse or a close friend where s/he feels you focus your attention most often.

Why might it be important to know our instinctual type? Certainly this knowledge can help us improve our functioning in the least exercised arenaa, in order that we may be more balanced human beings. An even stronger reason to know your unconscious instinctual bias surfaces in the realm of intimate relationship. I see far more couples encountering clashes related to differences in subtype or instinctual type than related to Enneagram type. Stay tuned for more about instinctual types and relationshp in the next blog entry.
(Adapted from “The Everyday Enneagram, A Personality Map for Enhancing Your Work, Love, and Life...Everyday”. by Lynette Sheppard.)

Enneagram Prescriptions For The New Year

2007-12-29T16:59:00.000-08:00

A few years back, my friend (and one of my favorite Threes), Susan Page, was writing an article about me and the Enneagram. Since the New Year was nearly upon us, she asked me if I could come up with a simple prescription for each of the types to help folks loosen the hold of their Enneagram habits. I chanced to find these prescriptions recently and offer them to all of us as a way of attempting to be “Easy In Our Harness” as Tom Condon is fond of saying. (Visit Tom’s website for info on his books, tapes, and classes at www.thechangeworks.com.)

Here are the types and their prescriptions - let me know if you find them helpful, and please share your own ideas and suggestions for helping us liberate ourselves from type.

Type One, the Perfectionist, is run by a demanding inner critic and a desire to be the best they can be. "Ones" are responsible, dependable reformers, but also may be critical, inflexible, and judgmental.
Prescription: Take frequent mini vacations away from responsibility. Play actually makes you a better person.

Type Two, the Giver, fulfills others' needs often to be important to them. Altruistic and caring, “Twos” can also be manipulative and aggressive, believing they know best what others need.
Prescription: Nurture yourself as you would a small child or one in great need. When you fill yourself up, it won't drain you to give to others.

Type Three, the Performer, needs to appear successful to others and is the master of image. "Threes" are charismatic, charming, prodigious ‘do-ers’, but may be also workaholic and self promoting.
Prescription: Do nothing! Spend time alone, listening to your inner voice rather than focusing on achievement, or recognition.

Type Four, the Romantic, searching for an elusive yet essential missing element, longs to find someone who will match his/her emotional intensity. “Fours” are sensitive and authentic, but can be dramatic, moody, and dissatisfied.
Prescription: Focus on the here and now and make a gratitude list of gifts already in your life.

Type Five, the Observer, searching for knowledge and understanding, has a strong need for privacy. "Fives" are cogent thinkers and synthesize information, but may be detached, withholding time, information, even themselves.
Prescription: Practice involvement by giving up some private time and take the first step towards others.

Six , the Loyal Skeptic, plans for the worst case in situations and
peoples’ motives for safety’s sake. "Sixes" are loyal, excellent troubleshooters, but can be doubtful, over-analyzing pessimists. Prescription: Assume other people's hidden motives have your best interests at heart, then notice if relationships change.

Seven, the Optimist, is the fun and adventure seeker. Believing in
unlimited possibility, they sample everything good in life but avoid the difficult or painful. "Sevens" are fun-loving visionaries, but can be uncommitted dilettantes who can’t be counted on in the hard times.
Prescription: Spend one weekend day a month in quiet reflection with no plans or options.

Eight, the Straight Shooter, lives by the laws of the jungle: only the strong survive. "Eights" are decisive, straightforward, protect others, and give 150%, but can be blunt, impulsive, and steam roll others.
Prescription: Ask co-workers, family, and friends for honest feedback about your impact on them. Resist arguing your side.

Nine, the Mediator, wanting to keep the peace, takes on the priorities of others. Often unaware of their own desires, "Nines" are accepting, go-with-the-flow types who mediate successfully, but can be passive, procrastinating, fence-sitters.
Prescription: Act on your own behalf. Make a to-do list, checking daily what was finished.

As we enter 2008, let’s all try using the Enneagram to discover, “Who am I, who might I become, and what is my unique contribution?”

Enneagram Matches: Finding A Mate

2007-12-16T17:53:00.000-08:00

After “How do I find my type?” the question I hear most is “What Enneagram personality type is best for me to be with? What type goes best with a One? Or a Five?”

Here’s the skinny: I’ve seen all the combinations of type work together. I’ve seen the same combinations become total train wrecks. We can’t match people by personality type, anymore than we can state that certain personality types will be drawn to particular cultures or countries. I’m drawn to Bali and the American Southwest. Another Seven might feel closest to the forests of Canada or the moors of England. We look for a resonance and we look for qualities important to us. In my search for a mate, I realized that I was looking for a man who was sensitive, not afraid to share feelings, on a spiritual path, and more committed to truth than comfort. What Enneagram type would match that? Luckily, I didn’t use the Enneagram to even narrow my search and found all these qualities - in a Three! Had I been looking for a specific Enneagram type to embody these virtues, a Three would probably have been last on my list.

Yet who can blame us for wanting to make sense of relationship and finding a mate? We want an answer: who should I be with? Who am I simpatico with? How can I find someone to accompany me on that path with heart? Although we know deep inside that there is no easy answer, we keep hoping to narrow the field when we are searching for someone to share our life.

Vanessa, a Three, is a good friend of ours. She felt that Dewitt and I had the ideal relationship Although she knew better (she is an Enneagram teacher), she decided to look for a Seven to share her life, hoping to duplicate that Seven-Three combination. Despite initial attraction and seeming compatibility, the relationship was filled with turmoil and difficulty. It ended with bad feelings on both sides. “I got hammered,” says Vanessa morosely. “I know I’m not supposed to find a type. I just thought that maybe.....”

We cannot choose a mate on the basis of their Enneagram type. Human beings are much too complex for that. We can look for qualities that are important to us. We can choose a partner willing to undertake the journey of self-exploration and commitment to learning and sharing together. And we can choose to honor the culture and reality of the person who becomes our mate.
(Material adapted from "The Everyday Enneagram" by Lynette Sheppard)

Enneagram Tests -What Good Are They?

2007-12-08T17:53:00.000-08:00

I don't have any links on my 9points.com Essential Enneagram site to a test for determining Enneagram type. There's a good reason for this. The tests just don't work all that well to find your type. I really wish that they did. Still, it seems that humans are too complex overall to quantify on paper and pen (virtual or actual). Sure, some tests are better than others, but they can stop or truncate the necessary self-observation that leads to discovering your Enneagram type. If you quit questioning or watching your internal landscape when the test gives you the "answer" detailing your Enneagram point, you may find yourself mistyped and barking up the wrong banyan.

Enneagram tests DO have a purpose, however. By virtue of the questions offered, they can provide a great starting point for your own journey of self-inquiry. When taken in this spirit, I highly recommend availing yourself of one or more tests to help narrow and define your search. I'm partial to David Daniels's test - check out enneagramworldwide.com - but remember that testing is information-gathering to help you find out more of your worldview, not a way to definitively "nail down" your type. Alas, there are no shortcuts.

An Enneagram Conversation

2007-12-01T13:04:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the Everyday Enneagram Blog. I will soon have the “mothership” blog up and running on my main site at 9points.com. But I felt that this conversation just can’t wait. Naturally, I will continue to update this blog as well even when the main one is up to speed.

The impetus for this blog has come from those of you who’ve contacted me with questions, concerns, thoughts, and ideas not addressed in my book. (or any that I know of.) Our questions, answers, musings, and wonderings may serve to start a richer conversation through which we might learn a little more about ourselves. That’s the real goal here - not learning the Enneagram more deeply. The Enneagram is just a map, however rich and layered. Our inner territory is the real knowledge we wish to gain and apply. The real journey we wish to take is Home to our essential self.

Lofty though this goal may sound, don’t expect this blog to be “serious”. Reverent irreverency has always worked best for me in my desire to grow psychologically and spiritually. Everything is sacred and nothing is sacred. Let crazy wisdom reveal the work we must do daily, quietly, steadily to become our best selves. (For more general info on the Enneagram or to contact Lynette, visit the home page at http://9points.com.